Monday, November 4, 2013

Why I keep a journal.

A little girl came into my job with her mom today. Her mom was setting up an order for a birthday party over the weekend (I work in a bakery) and while she did that, the little girl wrote in a little pink journal. Which later spawned a discussion about diaries and journals later.

The people I worked with today were all in agreement that beyond a certain age, journals are ridiculous.

I admitted I have one that I write in regularly. Once they realized I was serious, I heard a variety of opinions on the subject but most of them were negative. Which I've heard before but I never understood.

Some people think it's dumb I keep a notebook as a journal. I'm 28, why would I want to have a notebook full of thoughts and feelings? Why can't I just talk them out with a friend or relative or someone else I feel confident confiding in? Some people think it's "dishonest" to keep one because I'm "hiding" things. All of this seems silly to me. I realized if I hear things like this, others probably do as well. It doesn't discourage me or make me feel bad for something I like doing but it perplexes me why people see it as bad or wrong or stupid.

I've never been good at opening myself up to others on an emotional level. I'm great at being there for other people. I don't have a problem listening and doing what I need to help. When it comes to me needing to talk something out that's difficult? I can if it's not something deeply personal, laced with emotion, that will leave me feeling raw and vulnerable. Just the thought of that kicks my anxiety issues into overdrive.

It's not that I never reach out when I should. Sometimes I do, even when my anxiety is screaming at me to just be quiet. If it's really serious, chances are I'll work myself up to talking to someone no matter how much I don't want to.

Sometimes, I need to get my thoughts and/or feelings out of my head but talking about them to someone isn't an option I want to take. I just need to say things without anyone hearing them because it helps bring clarity and other times it just helps to see my thoughts and/or feelings on paper.

So, I write in a journal when I need to because it helps me. I don't care if anyone thinks it's childish, dumb, silly, etc. I don't do it for anyone other than myself. Writing it out is better than keeping it all inside. It's how I work through a lot of things and it works for me. Writing is such a basic thing but it can be oh so powerful.


ZigZagMan said...

*nod from Zig.....:)

Anonymous said...

;) winks lass......I digress.