Friday, October 25, 2013

Compromise is the devil! And evil! Or some people think it is.

One of my friends is having her birthday celebration tonight for her 30th birthday. Dinner, bowling and martini bar hopping. She sent me a text message at 12:00 PM TODAY to let me know that dinner was at 6 PM and they'd go on from there. She lives an hour away from me usually, about an hour and a half or more during busy traffic times. However, the place she picked for dinner is about 2 and 1/2 hours away from where I live if not longer depending on what traffic is like. I replied that I worked until 4 PM today and there's no way I could get home, shower, get ready (even though I can shower & be ready in 20 minutes) and be at dinner by 6. I also really didn't want to drive that far to watch other people bowl and watch people get drunk then drive 2 and a 1/2 hours back home later tonight after getting up at 6 AM for work this morning. I explained all of that after a few more texts from her complaining that she hasn't seen me in a while, really wanted me to come, yadda yadda blah blah blah blah.

Then, I offered to take her out next weekend since she's busy tomorrow and Sunday is my mom's birthday. I said I'd take her out for dinner next Friday and we could go do whatever else she wanted after that. Which honestly would just be going to a bar because that's about all she really likes to do for fun. I of course said I'd be paying for the night out since it would be her belated birthday celebration. 

Then I get this text: "No thanks, if you can't be bothered to come out tonight, just don't worry about it at all. My birthday isn't next Friday."

Well Princess, your birthday isn't this Friday either, it was on Monday, so fucking what? 

Which was basically my reply, though I left out the so fucking what and added in how her logic was off.

Of course, I know her well enough that I know it has nothing to do with the actual date of her birthday. She wasn't always this way but within the last year she's developed the attitude that she wants exactly what she wants, when she wants it, the way she wants it, no exceptions. No compromise. Which is one of the reasons I've let the distance between us grow and grow this last year. She wasn't always so inflexible but she decided after reading a self-help book that she was going to make everything happen on her terms and her terms only. She gets her way or it doesn't happen. And honestly, I can't deal with that because compromising to make things work well for everyone is part of a good relationship. It doesn't mean letting people walk all over you but bending a little to get what you want while letting others do what works out best for them once in a while won't hurt anyone. 

I get that it's her birthday celebration but to get mad because I don't want to make a 5 hour (or longer) round trip drive that has me missing the dinner and then only hanging out for maybe 2 or 3 hours at most before I have to leave to get home before I'm too tired to safely make the drive back home? Ridiculous.

Although, she did try to tell me I'm a horrible friend for not coming out tonight because guilt trips and insults TOTALLY GET ME TO DO WHAT YOU WANT. Yes, I'm the worst friend ever. An absolute terror to have in your corner and you should probably stay far away from me. ;)

Though from this, it got me thinking about people and society in a more general sense. 

What I don't understand is how so many people are so completely unwilling to make compromises in life. It's not a big deal yet so many people seem to be so unwilling to do something any way other than their way or to go even slightly out of their way for someone else once in a while. I'm not sure if it's immaturity, arrogance, self-importance, stubbornness, selfishness or some mix of any/all of the above but whatever makes someone act with zero flexibility really sucks. Especially when dealing with friends and loved ones. 

There is a huge difference between an occasional compromise and being a doormat for the world. I'm FAR from being any one's doormat but I understand that sometimes, you have to bend a little to make things work for everyone involved. And sometimes, it's just nice to make things a little easier for others. I know people at times do the same for me in situations and I'm always grateful when someone (most of the people in my life) is willing to bend a little on something for me. It doesn't mean they're always happy about doing it and I'm not always happy about having to compromise on things but being a mature adult who isn't a complete asshat isn't always enjoyable and fun. The world might be a little more pleasant if more people would remember that simple fact.


phairhead said...

I'm just mystified that yr she feels so conditional about yr friendship. I'm sorry! :(

Osbasso said...

The six hour notice was a particularly nice touch, too...