Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Books, baseball, cooking, Weeds, etc....

Some things I'm loving right now....

  • Mixing equal parts apple juice, cranberry juice and pomegranate juice together. It tastes so good. And if you add liquor, it tastes even better. ;)
  • Tea Tree Oil Cooling Foot Scrub by Earth Therapeutics. I'm on my feet a LOT. I use this stuff a few times a week to keep my feet smooth and to help them feel better. This stuff soothes my aching, sore feet while also exfoliating them. Plus, it's only $4 at Target.
  • Weeds. The TV show, not the things that grow in the ground. The Boyfriend started watching it on NetFlix (on season 1, no cable so we had never seen it before) and I ended up getting sucked in to it. I love a lot of the characters and find the show pretty amusing so far. Though, we're only on season 2 for now so we'll see.
  • Burt's Bees Replenishing Lip Balm with Pomegranate Oil. It makes my lips feel awesomely soft and it smells good.
  • NetFlix. We don't have cable and I don't like most of the crap shows that come on network TV. NetFlix has movies, documentaries and shows I'm missing on Discovery and Food Network by not having cable. Also, Power Rangers, the original stuff. Totally reliving childhood with an episode here and there, lol.
  • Cooking. I've been stressing and worrying over a lot of things lately. Not to mention emotional stuff over some recent deaths that I'm still working through and other issues going on, I've just been having a rough time lately. Cooking is insanely therapeutic for me. I love being able to take a bunch of ingredients, put them together and create something that smells, looks and tastes wonderful.
  • The Rangers shutting out the Red Sox last night, lol. I hate the Red Sox. Any time we beat them makes me smile. Shutting them out makes me smile even more. Now if only the rest of the games in this series (and the next one, and on and on) go well for the Rangers, I'll continue being happy. Yay winning.
  • People sending me books. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE to read. I started a book exchange with a few friends who live out of state now and a couple people off Twitter. We send books around to each other and I've gotten to read a couple really good ones so far. Totally one of the best ideas I've ever had. :D
Happy Tuesday!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Allow me a moment to be sappy, it doesn't happen often...

As I'm typing this, I'm rather heavily medicated. You've been warned.

I've been pretty sick the last few days. Sunday, the boyfriend had the day off from work so I spent all day in bed and had him home taking care of me like the awesome boyfriend he is. He got some stuff for me Monday before he went to work and my mom ended up bringing me some stuff at 11 PM. Mind you, my mom has to drive 2 hours from her place to get to where I'm at then another 2 hours to get back home. I do appreciate her doing what she does for me.

I hate getting sick. I have a weak immune system due to low white blood cell count. I've tried a lot of different ways to boost my immune system but none have really worked so far. And I'm talking years of trying different things, not just months. I've had this issue since I was a little kid. It sucks. And I stay away from people that are sick as a general rule because when I get sick, I'm down for days even when it's not something serious. Which ends up irritating the hell out of me because I hate laying around doing nothing and feeling like crap and not having the energy for anything. Hopefully I can kick this crap in the next day or so and get back to being my normal self. :D

I have to say though that I have some really great people in my life. I had several offers from people willing to bring me soup, juice, Gatorade, Kleenex, medicine, cough drops or anything else I needed. Granted, my boyfriend had me taken care of and made a couple runs to go out and get stuff for me and my mom brought me some soup, Sprite, medicine and Jell-O as well. So, I'm covered. Still, it made me smile that I had people that I knew weren't just offering to be nice but were offering because they wanted to make sure I had everything I needed. In the past, I've had people offer to do things yet if I actually wanted to call on them for help, they would suddenly be busy or have a reason why they were unable to do what they had just offered to do minutes prior. I know without a doubt the few people who offered to bring me stuff or risk their health to come keep my sickly self company weren't just offering; any of them would have brought me what I needed if I wanted to take them up on their offers. It's nice to know you have some people in your life that you can count on. And even better knowing they care enough to offer things when you need them without even asking for them. It's the little things that make me happy, obviously. Thank you to those people, I appreciate the offers and the concern.

And I appreciate the well wishes on Twitter and the people sending me goofy stuff and jokes to put me in better spirits. That stuff really helps, too. It's so nice to know so many great people in the world, in real life and online, too.

It's always good to let the people in your life know how wonderful they are and how much you appreciate having them around. Whether they're family, friends, a significant other, online friends or what have you. There are so many unique and interesting relationships in my life and I'm happy to know so many good, kind, caring people. Even if I don't get to see or talk to some of them as often as I would like to. I still need to take more time to let them all know that I appreciate the times they've been there for me and how much I enjoy having them be a part of my life. I don't think people do that enough which is sad because it takes so little time to tell someone how great they are and how happy them being a part of your life makes you. I'm guilty of that because I'm just not an emotional person. I tend to come off and rather detached more often than not and it's not that I'm cold and uncaring, I'm far from it, being emotional just makes me uncomfortable. I much prefer logic and things that don't involve gooey messy emotions and warm feelings. :p

I really think it's the medication bringing it out from me tighyt because I'm not normally so sappy, lol. Anyone who knows me well enough can attest that me being emotional or sappy just doesn't really happen. It's all good, though. Once in a while, it can happen I suppose. :D

I've got some great antibiotics now and they should start kicking my ass back into good health. Sooner rather than later, hopefully.

Happy Tuesday!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

R.I.P. Puppy Love

I talked about this on Twitter a little the day it happened but didn't feel like blogging about it at the time. I do now.

July 29TH, my boyfriend's dog died. She was 7 years old. She suffered from a stroke, went to the vet, was doing better and recovering, then had another stroke the following morning she couldn't recover from and died. It was sad. My boyfriend called the vet right when their office opened to see if we could pick her up that day since she had been doing much better and we were supposed to be able to bring her home. Instead, he was told she had died just a few minutes prior to his call.

Her name was Akasha and she was very much a part of the family. He was crushed. I was upset. I met her when she was 2 and she was such a beautiful dog. She was loyal, protective and sweet. They say dogs often take on the personalities of their owners and I believe that given that a lot of her qualities were similar to that of traits my boyfriend has.

The boyfriend raised Akasha from the time she was a puppy. Here's a picture of her when she was a little gal.

I feel so bad for the Boyfriend. I know he misses her a lot and he was expecting her to come home, not pass away. He got bummed out being near the pet toys in a store the other day. Death is always easier when you know it's coming though it still sucks. When it's unexpected, there's that painful shock that stings along with the pain of losing something special. Hope and relief are a real bitch when it falls through.

About a week ago, I was looking out into the back yard and started crying. I was so used to standing there for a few minutes watching Akasha doing various things out back there. It was weird looking out there and not seeing her.

It's been strange. I always thought of her as "my boyfriend's dog" and I didn't realize how much a part of my life she had become in the 5 years that we've been together. I miss her, definitely more than I thought I would.

She didn't bark a lot, only when someone unfamiliar came near or at other animals that came near. Now every time I hear a random noise outside, I wonder what it is because she's not out there to scare off or take on the threatening stuff.

It's weird not having a dog around who's instantly happy to see you. That will cheer you up so fast, honestly. Bad day but then you see your dog who's got their tail thumping and tongue wagging around because they're just happy to see you.

Though I'll be honest, I'm glad she won't be in any kind of pain any longer. She had a couple minor health complications before the strokes happened that she was taking medication for. So, at leas she isn't hurting anymore.

I know a lot of people don't understand because to some people, pets are just pets, not a part of the family. Other people do understand. You train them, teaching them how to behave and how not to behave. You feed them, bathe them, play with them, take them to the vet when they're sick or hurt, miss them, care for them and love them. I do want another dog, just not any time soon. And I know there's no way my boyfriend will be ready for a new pup any time soon either.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Verbal abuse is still abuse...

I saw that image several months ago and it made me feel so terrible. I saw it again a couple days ago and decided I'd do a blog post about it. I have seen and heard a lot of people say that verbal abuse isn't really abuse. They're just words. No one's really getting hurt, right? That's wrong. Verbal abuse is still abuse.

As an adult, I don't give a shit what people say to me and about me most of the time. Call me an idiot? Call me a slut? Call me a bitch? Tell me I'm useless? I won't believe a word of it because I'm not, so what?, I can be and I'm definitely not. I know who and what I am. I'm a very strong person and I don't let people get to me easily. I don't honestly care what most people think of me, either.

That wasn't always the case, though.

When I was a little kid, I was more susceptible to the words around me.

You tell your child, "You idiot, what did you do that for?!" because they did something stupid. You lost your temper. You said something dumb. You know your kid isn't an idiot. You just said it out of anger or frustration. Your child might roll their eyes or not say anything.

I remember when I was young, I'd glare or roll my eyes. Then I'd be sitting in my room drawing and listening to music or doing something. And words would creep back into my head. I'd tell myself I was the opposite of what had been said but there was always doubt. Always a small part of me that soaked it in and thought, well maybe that's true, maybe I am...
I wasn't verbally abused. My parents weren't constantly telling me bad things or talking down to me. Once in a while, they would slip out of frustration or anger and say something hurtful that I assume wasn't really meant. It would bother me even though I acted like it didn't. I would always have that small nagging voice in the back of my mind that reinforced hurtful words I heard.

I was different from the girls in my classes. I went to a different school damn near every year. Sometimes I'd stay somewhere two years. I was always different. I had a weird sense of humor, was a major tomboy who really only cared about sports, LEGOS, action figures and horror stories. I was fascinated by things that were probably a bit morbid for a kid to be interested in. I didn't always fit in but I always had a few friends anyway. Then I had the rest of the kids who said mean shit to me thought most of that didn't start until 5th grade. It's no surprise to anyone who knows me or who has read my blog long enough to see pictures to know that I have a huge rack. And I've had large breasts all my life. I never wore a training bra, I just got thrown right into the real thing. In 5th grade, I had at least 3 times more boobs than any of the other girls in my classes. Which sparked a lot of animosity from literally every girl in my class. I think 5th grade was one of the worst yet best years ever. That was the year I had to put up with more shit from kids at school than I ever had before but that was also the year I started learning to not let what people said about me and to me get to me. Thankfully, I was also taller than all of them, had broad shoulders, played hockey on a mostly male team as well as played other sports; so none of their picking on me every came in the form of physical torment. That didn't make the other crap any easier to deal with at first.
It sucked hearing groups of girls talk trash to and about me every single day, it sucked having them write stupid notes about me and spread stupid rumors. But it also worked in my favor because I decided I'd never be like that and that I'd stop letting people's opinions of me matter. I knew I wasn't any of things they said I was and that was enough for me. I knew I never wanted to be that kind of mean, petty person either. And the less I cared, the more it pissed them off. Which after a while just became amusing to me.

You might not realize you're damaging or hurting someone when you say something terrible out of anger, frustration, etc. You might not even remember saying it later. You might not give it a second though. A week later and you probably won't remember at all. It doesn't mean the person you said it to won't. It doesn't mean that words don't hurt and don't leave an impression. Especially on children. They haven't learned to blow it off. They haven't learned that people don't always mean what they say.

There's no reason to ever make a child feel stupid, useless, ugly, unworthy or anything else that's negative and hurtful. It doesn't mean you shouldn't tell them when they've done something wrong but don't call them names to get across a point whether they did something wrong, made a mistake, didn't do well on a test, their team lost a game, etc. Don't belittle them, don't call them names and don't make them feel like a piece of garbage because they don't deserve that. No one deserves that.

Even if they act like they don't care or act like it doesn't hurt, even if they roll their eyes or stomp off, they're going to think about it and the words are going to be there lurking in their young minds.

Verbal abuse can be just as and sometimes more damaging than physical abuse. Emotional wounds often take far longer than physical ones to heal. Though there are plenty of emotional ones that come along with the physical but that's another post entirely. So next time you're angry, upset or frustrated, take a breath and think about what you want to say and how you need to say it. You don't need to sugar coat things but being verbally abusive isn't the answer. It also teaches them to react that way and that will stay with them and grow with them as they get older and then it will likely just keep going. That's not something you really want to pass on and spread to the world. That's something the world needs a whole lot less of.