Thursday, December 15, 2011

Wherein I rant about bisexuality & narrow minded people...

First: TOMORROW is the last day to make a paypal donation to my Toys for Tots fundraiser. Once again, thanks so much to everyone who has donated or helped out in some way. You're all awesome, lovely, generous people. <3 Moving on...

I was with a male friend of mine recently. He wanted me to help him pick out some new clothes because he was meeting his new girlfriend's parents for the first time and he wanted to look a little nicer than his usual ripped up jeans and a tshirt. I tried my hardest to get him to pick another female, any other female, because I hate shopping. And that was the reason he wanted me to go. He knew I would just want to get in, get shit taken care of and leave. So, I agreed and off we went in search of something he wouldn't be horribly uncomfortable wearing yet still look nice in.

In one store we went into, we had the amazing joy of running into an ex-girlfriend of his from a little over a year ago. We attempted to avoid her but she saw us and rushed over to say hello.

I had changed my hair style up since she had last seen me, which she noticed and had to comment on. The exchange went like this:

Heather: "Wow Ashly, your hair looks great like that. I like it all wavy and messy in layers."

Ashly: "It's usually wavy in messy but the layers is new to you. Thank you."

Heather: "You're welcome! And it really does look cute. And so you know I'm not coming on to you or anything so please don't think that."

Ashly: "Why would I think that?"

Heather: "Oh because if I remember right you're bisexual, correct? I just didn't want you to think I was hitting on you, that's all. No offense."

Except, shit like that is offensive. Or more so in my opinion, completely fucking obnoxious. It doesn't offend me so much as it just pisses me off but I do know some people that it does offend. Either way, it's a narrow minded and judgmental way of thinking. Of course, Heather isn't the first girl to jump to that conclusion and think I'll assume she's hitting on me because she said something nice to me. Or the first to assume that since I'm bisexual that I clearly just want all the vaginas everywhere all the time.

I hate the assumption that because I'm bisexual, I CLEARLY must want every woman in the world. So no woman can compliment me without me taking it as her trying to get into my panties and thus I can't compliment a woman unless I'm looking to get her into bed. Which of course I am doing that because she's a woman and being bisexual means I want every woman alive, okay.

It's ridiculous and it happens far too often.
I'm very open about my sexuality and in doing so, I face a lot of crap for it. So sometimes when I compliment or just say something nice to another girl, it turns into awkwardness due to them acting weird about it because they assume I'm flirting with them.And I'm not talking random girls here, I'm just talking girls I know mutually through other friends and in a few cases people I thought were good friends. It's hilarious in that "that's pretty homophobic and judgmental and not funny at all" kind of way that me complimenting them is a come on. Whereas a heterosexual female could have given the same compliment and not a second thought would have been given about it after all the gushing over said compliment ended.

I don't flirt with every girl I see. I'm actually quite picky and don't find myself attracted to most girls. Which goes against another narrow minded misconception but we'll leave that one alone today because this would get pretty long if I attacked every stereotypical misconception about this subject. Trust me, if I'm flirting with you, you'll know it. I don't flirt with any female I already know isn't interested in girls anyway.

Just because I get a compliment from another girl doesn't mean I'm going to assume she wants me. I don't take it as anything more than it's presented as; a compliment. It's not that hard of a concept to understand.

I can compliment someone on their hair, a particularly badass shirt, a piece of jewelry, their overall appearance that day etc, and it doesn't mean anything more than that; just some truthful kind words given with no intentions other than to be nice.
Just because I say you look pretty in something doesn't mean I'm attracted to you and want to send you into orgasmic bliss the first chance I get. It's highly unlikely that's the case and assuming so is pretty arrogant on top of being obnoxious, homophobic, judgmental and stereotypical.

Whew. Now that I got that out of my system for the time being.... Please feel free to comment with any thoughts or opinions you have. Comments are always much appreciated, especially on rants like these. :)

Happy Thursday.

And remember, tomorrow is the last day to get in a Toys for Tots donation. And thanks again to everyone who has helped in some way. Xo!


Katie said...

I'm curious what your response to Katie was or if the conversation wen any further?

As for the post.. 100% agree and it's shit you have to deal with such idiocy.

Anonymous said...

You mean you're bisexual and you don't want to fuck any and everything that moves??? It's amazing and sad that people buy into such ignorant stereotypes. You should have slapped her on the ass and told her she wasn't your type.

Ashly Star said...

Katie: My response to Heather (lol) was just saying her way of thinking was ignorant and narrow minded and explaining why. She didn't particularly agree so we left it at that. Thanks for the comment.

Scott: It's is ridiculous and sad how people will buy into a stupid stereotype. Guess it's easier that way? *shrug* Thanks for the comment.

Anonymous said...

Well, I've been doing it wrong. No wonder every woman I compliment isn't in my bed. Lol! I haven't had that experience personally.
As a side note, I'm trying to be more open & free w/ my compliments, even to strangers. Everyone loves an honest compliment, a genuine kind thought. If I like a woman's earrings or think a guy has kind eyes I TRY to say so. And if I do say something they better put out. Lol!


Another Suburban Mom said...

Its amazing how foolish people can be. I consider myself to be bi-sexual and just like I find a particular physical type of man attracted, there is a specific kind of woman I am attracted to.

So, does that mean that one time you hugged me when we met that you totes wanted to have sex with me??

viemoira said...

Why would someone *not* want you to think they are hitting on you? I mean you gots brains AND beauty girl! ;)

P.S. I am bisexual and hitting on you in a completely harmless way *dun dun dun* (drums)

On a serious note though it kinda takes away the compliment completly by her acting in such manor afterward.