Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Airing out that dirty laundry...

Before I get into this post, I have two things I want to cover then we'll get to the dirty laundry, so to speak. First, thanks to everyone that commented, emailed, texted and tweeted me after reading my emotional mess of a post from yesterday. I appreciate so many people relating and reaching out. :)

Secondly.... You know what's coming.... Only 10 days left
to make a paypal donation to my Toys for Tots fundraiser. I'm sure y'all are sick of seeing me talk about it but oh well. :) December 16th is the last day I'm taking donations via paypal unless you email with a reason why you need an extra day or two which has happened several times before. It only takes a few dollars to help out a really great cause and I do all the toy shopping so you can donate toys without having to go shop for anything yourself. So come on, $5 or $10 isn't that much and it's for a great cause. Please help out if you can. Thanks to everyone who has donated and all who have helped spread the word thus far. It's greatly appreciated. :D

Now, on to the post.....

I have two friends that never fail to make a group outing awkward. He was my friend first but then she sort of just fell into that category by default of always being with him once they started dating. I used to have a lot of fun hanging out with them and inviting them out with other friends of mine. But... They've been together for quite a while and they've gotten to where they fight a lot. They have no problem airing out their dirty laundry in front of everyone. It's rare that I'll go out with them any more just because I know they will make snide, passive aggressive remarks to one another all night and then end up having a serious argument. Which in turn becomes them either ignoring each other the rest of the outing or spending it making snarky and at times, down right mean comments in each others' general direction.

It's flat out awkward and generally unpleasant being around two people who act that way all the time. That's too much drama for me so I don't hang around them often any longer. The female half of the couple noticed and had no issues asking about why I don't seem to like hanging out with them anymore. I told her bluntly that it seemed that way because I didn't enjoy being around them and explained very honestly why.

Of course, she didn't react very well to the blunt honesty I served up nor did she appreciate the answers I gave to the few questions she ended up asking. But that's not my problem.

I feel like personal and serious issues should be kept between you and your significant other. I don't mean you should never talk about it with other people. I have friends I bitch and vent to at times when I need to. It's good to have people to talk to when you need to about things like this. Whether it's to obtain advice or just blow off steam, it's good to have a friend or three you can vent to. I don't get why some people like to advertise all their personal problems to everyone be it by causing scenes in public constantly or posting something on Facebook or Twitter every time.

Once in a while, I get it. If it's something that's not a big deal, I can also understand. Like bitching about how your significant other always gets out a new roll of toilet paper but just sets it on the counter as opposed to changing out the empty roll. Or complaining about how they don't clean out the sink after they shave or any other little minor annoyances like that. But with these two, it happens all the time and it's rarely over anything minor. It might start that way but then they start dragging out the serious shit and that's where it gets really awkward and unpleasant more than it already is. They do the same thing on Facebook and Twitter as they do when they go out in groups to hang out with friends. Passive aggressive tweets taking shots at one another over social media or sometimes just openly taking shots at each other and putting all their business out there. I can tell you more than I care to know about their finances, bad habits, sex life and tons of other things just from having them argue in front of me and across social media as well. And that seems really unhealthy to me. And for a lot of people around them, it's just awkward and unpleasant to deal with. And makes them want to spend less time around said couple to avoid having to sit there staring at their phone or trying to make conversation with someone else whilst trying to ignore the argument going on in front of them over a dinner table in a restaurant. Or when it happens on Twitter, I just want to tell them to shut up and stop fighting on there, too. Instead, I mute them so I don't have to see that crap in my timeline but don't have to deal with two friends being butthurt over me unfollowing them. And I know some people would say to just drop them as friends and really, I wouldn't mind not speaking to her again but him, I adore. When he's not around her and he's acting like a more sane person. He's a really great friend, truly, and those aren't easy to come by.

I get pissed off at my boyfriend when we're out in public at times. Sometimes it happens when we're with friends or around family even. but I don't ever go off on him in front of anyone else, no matter how bad I want to or how pissed I get. Our problems are no ones business except our own. Which is also why I don't blog or tweet about our issues or the things he does that piss me off. I don't outright call him out or post passive aggressive crap on any venue of social media. That's between us and I don't need to tell the world when he's done something that pissed me off or acted like an ass about something. Much in the same way he never does that to me when I've acted like a jackass, pissed him off or lost my temper over something silly. I hate arguing in front of people because I don't want to make them uncomfortable and I don't like people being involved for the most part in my relationship problems. I understand that everyone else isn't like that and some people have no issues fighting in front of other people and letting everyone know what their problems are. I just really don't get that when it comes to serious and personal issues.

So if anyone is still reading this at this point, what's your view on this? Not my friends and not my boyfriend and I but just your general views on airing out your dirty laundry so publicly. Something you do sometimes, not at all, why, etc.

Happy Tuesday!


Dee said...

Still loving your blog girl even if I don't comment as much. Kudos on the fundraiser again, sure you're doing great!

Now I'm like you with this and I agree with what you said here.. If it's not a big deal and I'm just venting about stupid bullshit and basic annoyances then I don't care about other people knowing ya know? I will vent publicly about someone needing to learn to leave the damn toilet seat DOWN and etc like that. I will NOT however go blabbing my serious, private, personal beeswax all over the place because I think there needs to be a line on what is okay to share and blab about and what should be kept between you and your honey and make your closest friend if it's something you need to talk about with someone else. But blabbing the hardcore serious shit all over social media and in front of everyone is not cool and that ish would def get awkward to be around and I'd say fuck all that noise too. Great post and there's my .02 honey.

Alice In Puckland said...

Yeah, that is definitely awkward to be around. I have her muted on Twitter but he's so funny I really don't want to have to mute him. And honestly, most of it comes from her so I don't have to see much of it by not muting him.

I don't mind people knowing minor issues between Josh and I. It's not a big deal because every couple eventually fights and a lot of the time, it's really over dumb things that end up being silly and irrelevant once you settle the tift.

However, I don't drag out cheap shots and personal things to try and hurt him and I especially would never do so in front of other people or on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, etc. That just shows a complete lack of respect for the other person and the relationship, in my honest opinion.

Not June Cleaver said...

wow that sounds like a lot of drama and honestly i dont blame you for not wanting to be around people who act that on any kind of even semi-regular let alone very regular basis.

my husband and i occasionally will get annoyed wth one another when we are out doing something but we can settle it quietly or agree to wait until later to settle it when we have family or friends present at the time. if we cant go off by ourselves and settle it, we wait. part of the reason we are so careful not to fight in front of others is out of respect, maturity and courtesy to not make the siatuation awkward or uncomfortable for those around us.
though occasionally we do lose our tempers and snap at one another and a brief argument might happen but its never over anything serious and we dont let it drag on or name call or anything like that. i can also agree that it's normal and healthy for couples to have spats but it's wrong to get into the serious private issues in a public way.

i think what alice in puckland said is accurate, dragging each other through the mud like that so publicly shows a completely disregard of respect for the other person and the relationship as a whole. and it is unhealthy and would be embarrassing and uncomfortable to be around.