Wednesday, June 15, 2011

My birthday post might be a bit of a downer but...

Today is my birthday. I'm now 26 yet still get mistaken for being 18-22. Usually under 21. We went out Monday night to watch Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs and out of the table, I was the only one asked for an ID when ordering a drink. Yet I'm older than all but one of those people, lol. And it's not that the waitress knew them better or that they go there more. I just look young. Which I'm sure I'll be thankful for once I'm quite a few more years older. ;)

I'm having a hard time being excited about it, really. I usually love birthdays, always have. My grandpa died Thursday. His viewing and service was Saturday. He's being cremated today. It's just hard to be happy and excited for much right now, I miss him. And it's my first birthday I won't get a birthday card from him and my grandma. There was always just one, signed together.

I am proud of myself, though. I've kept true to what I said I would do. I've cried whenever I felt sad. I've laughed and shared good memories when I felt like doing so. I haven't been letting myself lay in bed and sleep more than I would because that always just makes me feel worse. I haven't been angry with myself and gone over every single time I could have visited or called when I didn't. I realize that no matter how much time I spent, in the end, it will always seem like it wasn't enough. I haven't and will continue to not dwell on that because doing so would be useless. He knew how much he meant to me and how much I loved him. I made sure I told him as much every time I saw him the last couple years as his health increasingly continued to worsen and worsen.

So later, after the service they're having this morning before he's cremated (something to do with his military background I believe, yay veterans respecting their deceased fellows) I think I'll try to do something fun tonight. The boyfriend has work and I'm not sure my family will be up for anything but that's what friends are for. Being a Wednesday it might be tough but I'm at least going to find a little something fun to do. I think he'd like me top carry on and do something pleasant, even if I am sad and missing him horribly.

Happy Wednesday y'all.

3 comments:

Osbasso said...

These first few "events" without him are going to be tough. But what I'm finding is that it's also a time to remember the good times, and it sounds like you had lots of them. So cry when you need to, and also laugh a lot, and then go celebrate like he'd want you to do!

cavernofthebeast said...

No matter what you would always think you should have done more. I'm sure the reality is that he knew you loved him regardless and nothing can change that.

I hope you found a way to enjoy your birthday... :)
~viemoira

Sheen V said...

Happy belated Birthday!