I am not a fan of Rihanna's music. I cannot stand the sound of her voice and I dislike her songs. Though, we play crappy pop music at work so at times I have to hear songs by her. Something that bothers me is after she did the song with Eminem about domestic violence and now her own S&M song is that I've heard people making comments about how she must have been asking for the abuse her ex gave her. Now, I don't watch her videos and don't follow anything about her. I don't even follow celebrity news or gossip because frankly. I don't give a damn about what goes on in the lives of people I don't know. So, I don't know if this is something a lot of people are saying or not but it really doesn't matter. I'm going to assume that it's a popular opinion among a lot of ignorant people and not just some of the people I work with and a few other narrow minded people I know.
Sex can get rough without getting in to anything S&M. Delving into S&M can be mildly rough. It can also get violent. Extremely painful. It depends on what you and your partner like and participate in.
Say your partner likes you to slap and choke her/him during sex. Does it make it okay to slap and choke her/him outside of sex? No, it doesn't.
Say your partner likes you to tie them down, drip hot candle wax all over them and then whip them until they're nice and welted. Does that mean you can get pissed at them, throw hot candle wax on them and beat them with that same whip? Nope.
Say your play goes outside of the bedroom and happens on a more regular basis. Does it make it okay to take advantage of that and be abusive during a disagreement or just because you're taking out stress or another emotion on them? NOPE.
Does it mean once they've told you to stop or used their safe word that you can keep going with the abuse because they like it most of the time? Nope, sure doesn't.
The difference between abuse and being rough in your sex life is the consent to do so. During sex and S&M play, your partner is consenting for you to do things with them. They're consenting to the level of pain you're inflicting and how you're delivering that pain. When it's outside of the bedroom and you hit them out of anger or some other emotion when they weren't consenting it; that's abuse. That's why people use safe words during play. So that one can let the other know that it's too much and to reign it in or stop all together. That's why there are rules people set in place with their partners when consenting to rough and sometimes violent play so you know what boundaries can be crossed and what boundaries can't be crossed. That's why communication in these roles is so important so you can discuss what's not enough, what's too far, what was okay but should never happen again, etc.
So people that say Rihanna likely deserved the abuse she got because she had it coming for getting kinky in the bedroom are ignorant.
Just because someone likes rough play in their sex life does not give anyone the right to abuse them any time they feel like it. Just because someone enjoys being rough or violent during sexual play doesn't mean "they have it coming" or "secretly want it" and it doesn't mean "it's okay because I've done worse in the bedroom before" because that's all bullshit. If they're not consenting to what you're doing to them, it's not right.