Friday, January 28, 2011

Why do you need to change the one you're with?


You can’t. They have to want to change things about themselves on their own. And if you’re dating that person, you shouldn’t have a list of things you want to change about them anyway.

My friend’s girlfriend has been driving me nuts all night with psycho neurotic texts about how she just doesn’t understand why he won’t change the way he does things. Why does he do x,y,z? Why can’t he tell me this, this and this? Why doesn’t he do a,b,c? Why, why, why. He should do this. He should act this way. And on and on and on with shit. I was at work and could ignore most of it except for my phone kept vibrating in my pocket because she just wouldn’t stop blowing my phone up.

You know why he does what he does?

You know why he doesn’t do those things he doesn’t do?

You know why he says certain things?

You know why he acts certain ways at certain times?


I HATE that people get into a relationship with someone and want to change every little thing about them that they don’t like.

I’ve bitched at my dude over some things that really bothered me as he has me. They were things we worked on and ultimately became better people. Sometimes, you can’t see that you need to change something until someone else points it out. I still do things that confuse him, piss him off, frustrate him and outright annoy him. He is the same way. You want to know why? We accept each other for how we are; obnoxious habits, weird quirks, flaws and all. Because you love a person for their good and their bad.

You don’t like how the relationship is? You don’t like so many things about the person you’re with? Things they won’t change because they’re uncompromisable? Guess what? There are PLENTY of people out there in the world. Go find one that is more compatible for what you want in a relationship and who you want in a partner. Don’t settle for someone because you think you’ll be able to change them into who you want them to be in time. Go find the person that is what you want. A significant other is NOT like a fucking Build-A-Bear. You don’t pick what you want and put it all together.


Tim_D_Enchanter said...

This should be required reading for any man/woman at the beginning of a relationship. . . Although, I venture to guess that it would still fall upon deaf ears. For some reason people think it's easier to "mold" someone into who they want than to find someone or accept someone. . . What a lot of people don't get is that you don't ever REALLY change someone. They might begin to exhibit traits from a learned behavior, but that doesn't mean the essence of who they are has changed; they just tell you what you want to hear.

I'd hate to be in your friend's shoes right now.

Another Suburban Mom said...

Its very true. You cannot change people. I have traits that annoy hubman and he does things that annoy me. However we shrug it off since it is small shit and spend our time worrying about the big stuff.

Anonymous said...

So true! It's not worth the grief of trying to form a perfect person. There's a lid for every pot and this chick needs to accept that he is not hers and move on and let him find someone who likes him for who he is!

Anonymous said...

I disagree...I am perfect....everyone else is flawed in some way, and it annoys me.

If everyone would just listen to me and change what they do..then they to would be perfect and we would get along...

I try and change everyone around me through deceit, manipulation and blackmail...

Someone did try and change me once...but I changed them first...and they are better for it.