Monday, September 13, 2010

Life isn't always pretty.

My mom and two youngest siblings will be here this coming weekend from California! Mom, LS and YB were planning to move back to Texas in January. They were going to visit in October for an extended amount of time so my mom could be around to help my grandparents out with the recent issues my grandfather has been having.

However, more stuff has happened. Grandpa is having issues getting blood flowing to his heart and brain now. If he falls down (which he's doing a lot) and doesn't get upright quickly, he could die in minutes. So, mom's SUV is in the shop as of today getting repaired and then her and YB and LS will be driving back to Texas for a while. So my mom can help look after Grandpa because it's just too much for my Granny. She's not in good health either (breast cancer and other issues) and plus, she's just too old to keep doing like she has been.

So, while I'm happy I get to see my mom and two of my siblings (I haven't seen them in a year) I'm also sad that it's not for a very good reason. I know death is an inevitable part of life but it still hurts. Watching someone that means so much to you deteriorate in health hurts. I know people say to focus on the good and I do. The bad is still there and I won't pretend it doesn't exist just because pain, suffering and sadness makes people uncomfortable. We're allowed to be sad and hurt over things. We don't have to pretend everything is okay all of the time. There's nothing wrong with being sad and hurting when someone you care for is hurting, suffering, dying. I won't focus on all of the negative and I agree, you shouldn't dwell on the bad or hurtful things in life that happen because it is a part of life, it does happen and you have to cope and accept it. I just think it's ridiculous how often and how quickly people want to change the subject to "remember the good times and be happy for the time you've had" because that's easier to deal with.

I already know to do that. I already know I'm lucky and I already have been recalling great memories of times together and appreciating what he's meant to me. I'm not going to ignore the bad, though. I'm not going to not cry or pretend that it doesn't hurt or pretend that remembering all the good makes it hurt any less. I'm sorry to the people it makes uncomfortable but that's just the way it is. It's just part of life. And life? It's not always full of sunshine, rainbows, happy days and pretty things.



phairhead said...

you and yr family will be in my prayers

Femenina Deliciosa said...

I have you and your family on my heart! I hope for the best for y'all.