Saturday, July 24, 2010

Saturday Secrets #8

Saturday Secrets #8

Secret #1: I feel like a complete loser because I'm terminally single, I judge my life totally on if I'm with a woman or not, nothing else matters that much to me to be honest. waking up in the morning with someone there makes life worth living, I need that contact so much without it life is shit.

Secret #2: Every time I hear that song, I punch something because it reminds me of you and I'm still angry with you for what you did. Then I punch something again because I'm angry with me for letting you have that kind of power and control over me still.

Secret #3: I'm happy you're a "grower" and not a "shower" because honey if it didn't get any bigger than that, I'd need a new fuck buddy.

Secret #4: Sometimes, I wear my wife's lacy thong panties instead of my boxer briefs. It makes me feel dirty and sexy. She doesn't know and the idea of her catching me is thrilling and scary. What a sexy little rush I get!

Secret #5: I found all of my old Backstreet Boys CD's from when I was a kid in a box hidden away in the back of my closet while cleaning. I rescued them from their box and am totally jamming them on a regular basis again.

Secret #6: I slept with your wife. The morning of the wedding. In your bed. That's for fucking my college girlfriend behind my back for 6 months. Another FYI? She did it to get back at you for getting rid of her cat. She knows Snuggles didn't run away.

Secret #7: I got really, really high once and was having a few beers and thought putting a pet hamster in the microwave to cook it was a good idea. Luckily after about 10 seconds I realized it was a bad idea. I still kind of wonder what would have happened if I had let it go the full 15 minutes I had it set for.

Secret #8: It's so cliche but I fell in love with my best female friend. I tried to tell her one night and she told me to stop, she didn't feel that way and didn't want to hear me say the words. I was crushed. And yet she keeps dating assholes who just use her for sex for a few weeks and then move on.

Secret #9: Red lipstick is such a turn on for me.

Secret #10: If I ever got the chance, I'd fuck you in a heartbeat. I know I shouldn't because you're married but I would. I'd do it while your wife was downstairs cooking dinner and then sneak out via the balcony from your bedroom.

Secret #11: I killed your goldfish.

Secret #12: I am now in my 30's. I've had one sexual partner and two "girlfriends" in my life (and both cheated on me). The first when I was 16 lasted for 2 weeks, before she brought some other guy she was seeing over and wanted to have a "kissing contest" (effectively ending my affection for her). The second was when I was 18 and she was 15. Probably should have known better, but it was long distance, and a friend of mine introduced me to her. It lasted for 4 months before she told me on her birthday that she was seeing another guy and it wouldn't leave room for us. My one and only voyage into sex happened last year after I turned 30.

People don't know exactly how alone I feel most of the time, especially after seeing most of my friends disappear into relationships and suddenly run out of time for anyone else.

It's hard for me to meet girls and keep myself out of the retarded area known as the "friend zone". I'm a nice guy, ladies. . . Get over it and yourselves. Just because a guy is aloof and rude-ish, doesn't mean he's going to make a good man for you, and just because I'm nice, it doesn't mean that I'm not going to be able to do anything that jerk can do for you.

Tired of men and women elevating the stupid parts of life above the important ones. Sadly, it will probably never change.


Secret #13: I ate the last of your cereal. I don't know how you eat Grape Nuts, that shit is NASTY. I did get satisfaction out of knowing that when you woke up, you'd get no Grape Nuts.


I NEED SOME SECRETS for my Saturday posts. :D If you want to submit a secret for me to use next weekend (COME ON, DON'T BE SHY! :D) then just e-mail it to me: amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. Or leave it as a comment here anonymously if you want to do it that way and I'll copy it and use it for next weekend's Secrets post. ;)

Happy Saturday!

Comments, anyone?

11 comments:

100waystobeperverse said...

Number 6 makes me sad and amused at the same time.

And for guy number 12? Nice guy syndrome much? Maybe they go for the rude-ish guy because they're not telling them to get over themselves? I know it's tough but you can't keep wallowing in self-pity because it's not going to help anyone. Just a suggestion...

Janie

xoxox

Another Suburban Mom said...

Holy crap on number 6! That's all I can say.

Anonymous said...

#11 is messed up but #6? HOLY SHIT. Just wow.

Ginger said...

#3 made me LOL. Oh my....

#4... go you! ;)

#6... HOLY HELL. I don't even know what to say to that. Wowee wow.

Tanya said...

Great secrets!

6 is kinda sad and cruel but also is funny and kinda just in a way. Its like two (or three) wrongs don't make a right but getting even feels so deserved and delicious at times.

Southern Sage said...

#6 is excellent. Everyone should sleep with someone else the day they get married.

I did.

Sarahbear said...

Ugh at #10. Perhaps they should find a partner of their very own instead of fantasizing about sleeping with their married friend.

Charlene said...

#6 Sure is going to be a relationship of one upmanship! It's fun as hell to get back at someone who needs it but to then MARRY them? Stupid stupid.

#12 Needs to learn to stop talking. If he developed an sly smile he'd have women all over him, if he could just fuck 'em hard and not talk. He should hold back on his definition of "nice guy" until they are sexually addicted to him. This is assuming he really CAN do for them what the assholes can.

Osbasso said...

I like the new look. Sorta different for you!

#6--been there, done that. Ooh, maybe that should have been a secret...

~*Jobthingy*~ said...

i was reading these in reader last night on the crackberry and read 6 and snickered and said, out loud, all by myself 'oh snap!'

BWAHAHAHA

i love these

Just A. Girl said...

Wow. Some of these are absolutely nuts. Are people emailing these to you? Whoa.