Wednesday, July 28, 2010

One night stands: Numbers...

One of my good friends sent me a text message yesterday to ask me a question he had been puzzling over all day. I am going to type this out exactly as the hundred page text message appears on my phone, lol.

"This is going to be several pages long so sorry but at least we both have unlimited text. Now to my point.
I had a one night stand with a girl about a month ago. I didn't know her, we agreed to not exchange any contact info because we agreed it was just for the one night. She left at the end of the night and that was that. Then a little more than one month after that night, I ran into her at a bar and we decided to hook up again for one night but again agreed that it was only for the night and again don't exchange any contact info. How do you phrase that? Does it count as a one night stand again even though you've hooked up before? If up until that point I've had 12 one night stands and then after sleeping with her again, is that now 13 one night stands or is it still 12 and I count it as having sex with her twice? Or, since I've slept with her twice, is it no longer a one night stand either time now and now I've only had 11 one night stands instead? I know this seems silly to puzzle over but if a future girlfriend asks me how many one night stands I have had well you know my honesty on the sexual partner subject and I want to be able to give an accurate count. HELP me figure this out please. LOL."

After I read that novel of a text messages, I replied and told him to get a phone that didn't let him type to his heart's content, heh. Then, we discussed this for a little bit but didn't really get anywhere before he had to go to work. So, we're planning on continuing the conversation later on today in an effort on how to best explain this and work the numbers around so he could give an accurate answer and stop pondering about this nonsense.

Now, my whole point in posting this at all is that I want to know what all of YOU think on this. How would you solve this puzzling little phrasing/numbers predicament? If it were you, what would you count it as? Don't be shy, speak up and let us know what you think! Please? :)

Happy Wednesday!

21 comments:

Britni TheVadgeWig said...

I want to know why he's obsessing over the number so badly, and why any future partner would want to know how many people he's been with, anyway. The fact that he even knows *exactly* how many one night stands he has strikes me as... unnecessary? Maybe because I don't count my partners, don't care to count my partners, and don't care to know how many partners my partner has had!

Hey, Ashly's friend: it doesn't matter, I promise! And any future partner that asks you for absolutely specific numbers is insecure, or plans on judging you for it, which I find to be pretty shitty.

Nic said...

hmm if he only planned to have a one night stand with this girl, she counts as a one night stand. Even though they have now had a one night stand twice. Because he isn't planning on doing anything more with her.

Don't know if he should count her once or twice though.

If they run into each other again and have another one night stand, maybe they could agree to be fuck buddies, because apparently then every time they cross paths they end up in bed. And then she gets taken of the one night stands list.

phairhead said...

can't really be classified as a booty call as they don't have any contact info on each other.

he probably doesn't to get hung up on the label. great sex is great sex, let it go :D

Hubman said...

He fucked her on more than 1 occasion, it's not a 1 night stand.

But really, why does it matter?

You know, I once asked Veronica how many partners she had before me and I wasn't insecure or judgmental ;-)

Leah said...

To Britni,
Just because you don't care about keeping up with your number of partners does not mean other people should be the same way. I know exactly how many people I've slept with. I keep up with it for my own information.

I also like to know how many people someone I am dating long term has been with and know a little bit about their sexual habits and history. I am not insecure and I do not judge over it. It's information I appreciate knowing. I don't want to date someone who has had a lot of one night stands done with random strangers. Someone who will fuck without caring to really know who they are getting in to bed with is something I have an issue with. It is mostly a safety issue from an std/health standpoint.

Just because you feel a certain way does not make it so for everyone. To each their own.


To Ashly,
I would assume it is no longer a one night stand since he has been with her twice now. I find it interesting that he is obsessing about the numbers. I see for the sake of being accurate and honest in future discussions that may occur seems to be the focusing point on why he wants to know. I do hope your friend exercises proper safety measures.

Daniel said...

Hmmm... 'Strangers with benefits'?

;-)

-d.

Kourtnie said...

I was going to say it doesn't matter but I changed my mind. This? Wouldn't matter to me. Obvi it matters to your friend. Who am I to tell someone whether to worry and puzzle over something just because I wouldn't put any thought into it personally?

Suppose for the sake of his wonderment, I'll agree and say it no longer counts as a one night stand since it has occurred more than one time.

Another thing, you can discuss sexual health and experiences without rolling out exact numbers. ;D

Southern Sage said...

I don't get why anyone would even study on that, and why would he care? He needs to go with the don't ask don't tell theory.

Knowing how many people he has slept with tells me he really need to sleep with more folks.

Bat said...

I have to say I sorta agree with the last part of Britni. In my experience, if somebody asks you about one night stands, it signals trouble. No matter what your answer is, it won't be the right one regardless of how you track them.

sarahbear said...

That's a tough one. Somewhere between a one-night stand and friends with benefits.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to keep up with your sexual partners and discuss them with your future partners. To some people sex isn't just sex. To some it is. If I was going to recount it to someone else I would probably just call it a one-night stand, despite having been with the person twice.

Rockin' with a Cock in said...

Well, I guess I'm the dissenter. I think both episodes count as one night stands because it was a one night encounter with no future plans where no contact info was involved. I'd treat each as a one night stand and bring his total up to 13.

To all the people saying the two can't both count as one night stands, does it make a difference that he's with the same person for #12 and #13 (consecutive numbers)? If one night stand #4 and #9 were the same, would you still disregard both? (not trying to argue, just curious about thought processes)

I'd recommend he phrase the one night stand sentence like, "I've had 13 one night stands, but two were with the same person."

I totally understand wanting to get the numbers right. I like remembering who I've been with, and numbers help me do that.

Hannah said...

Just because some people have been asked the how many Q and received judgment, criticism or felt there was no way to answer it "right" does not mean it goes that way for everyone. Just because people have asked that Q and perhaps felt jealous, inadequate, insecure or otherwise judgmental does not mean it applies to everone. I've asked that Q sans judgment and insecurity. I've been asked and not had it turn into a bad or petty conversation. It's absurd to think your experiences are everyone's as well. I have no problem with a person wanting to know how many people I have slept with. I do keep up with how many I sleep with too. There's not a thing wrong with knowing your own sexual history and wanting to know about your partners. Perhaps if people weren't ashamed of what they've done, it wouldn't be so taboo to talk about.

On the actual post topic, it is not a one night stand if it happens more than one time. Simple concept really.

Ginger said...

I am going to say that it counts as two one night stands. They do not plan to see each other again and do not want to have contact or make an effort to hook up with any kind of regularity. It is not a booty call and I still see it as two separate one night stands. It happened two separate nights and so what if it was the same person? I know I am going against the grain here but that is how I see it honestly.

Also, nothing wrong with discussing sexual history with someone. If they get jealous, judgmental or insecure about that issue then it likely is not the only issue they will be jealous, judgmental and insecure over. Those three things are major turn offs for me and such reactions would have me paying more attention in other aspects and I might break things off. I see no issue or weirdness in wanting to keep up with numbers. I like to know and keep up with who I have been with and would appreciate that in a partner as well.

MinorityReport said...

Hmm "12 with a repeat / encore performance"? ;)

As for counting partners and asking about partners...
I kept track and I asked. If the person I was with didn't want to tell me (honestly) I think I would wonder why. But that's me.

Forgotten said...

Wow. Totally bad experiences with this one. I don't ask, don't tell about partners now because my ex asked me then totally held it against me. I will totally ask about possible STD's, etc. before anything happens. I got tested as soon as I split with my soon-to-be-ex-husband because he cheated on me and know I'm clean as a whistle but I would not tell anyone else how many partners I've had before them. As long as I know I'm clean, its no one's business. Just my opinion.
Oh, and its no longer a one night stand because it has happened twice. It's more like a no strings attached encounter now.

Dan said...

Fantasy?

Joker_SATX said...

All he needs now is the rest of the bedroom set. He has had his two Nightstands! Ha!

Still, I agree with most posters here...it doesn't really matter and he is obsessing over the number.

Tim_D_Enchanter said...

The correct answer is 11. . . The moment you have a second night with someone, it no longer counts as an original one night stand.

danagill said...

Uhmmm speaking from experience on this one (small towns suck BTW). My own way of thinking of it is this that it counts as one individual one night stand regardless of how many times with said person. IMHO ;)

Mistress L said...

I think most people know (or should know, at least for health purposes) how many people they've slept with. Personally I keep a little black book because I am egotistic like that and can admit it.

As for partners, sure, I usually ask how many people someone has slept with but don't bother asking details about one-night stands unless they do. This gives me an idea of where they are sexually. Which can be helpful, especially in the case where one guy told me he'd been with 7 women, but only once each. None of them would have sex with him again. After we had sex, I totally understood why and implored to inform him; he was horrible!

But if your friend is worried about technicality...I'd say technically she no longer counts as one night stand, in my book anyway.

Charlene said...

If we all obsessed on who we fucked or had fucked, we'd have no time to love those we love. This guy needs to find a real girlfriend who has an inquisitive mind and control issues. They all his obsessing and enumeration will be worth it.