Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Happy Anniversary!

I have to delay the Gigi review another day because today is a totally important day and I need to write about something special instead.

Today is our anniversary. Who?
The Boyfriend and I, of course. That's right, as of today we have been together for 4 years. 4 YEARS. I know to you married folks and people who have been in committed long term relationships that are going on 10, 15, 18, 25, 37 and on up years, 4 years isn't much but, it's a long time, okay? Okay. We've never broken up and gotten back together a week or a month (or longer) later. We've never separated. We've never taken a break because we "needed space" or some such thing. We've probably both wanted to kill the other a few times here and there. At least, I know I have, hehe.

It's funny to see the way you can grow and change because of a person. Take The Boyfriend for example. Due to my standards for things being higher than his were, he ended up changing the way he expected things to be. Be it from the quality of food he was ingesting or the way people treated him. The thing that annoyed me most about him was that he was so nice, he tended to let people take advantage of his kind heart. He didn't see that but let me tell you, I definitely did. I don't mind that he's kind and has a big heart. In fact, I love that about him. I do mind people taking advantage of him. So, I started pointing out how, when and whom it happened with. He learned and now he's still a kind, generous guy but not to people that will take advantage of his compassionate nature.

Another thing about him? He's more open-minded because of me. :D He grew up rather sheltered where as I, wasn't sheltered at all. We grew up very differently in a lot of areas. He was so afraid to try new things and move out of his comfort zone. I spent so much time moving around, meeting new people, trying new things and just enjoying as much about life as I could that I don't really have a comfort zone to be settled into. I'm a free spirit in a lot of ways. I'm open-minded, spontaneous, adventurous and yeah, sometimes a little (or a lot) impulsive. Him? Pretty much the opposite of all of that. Now? He's more willing to try things he wouldn't even consider before. He's better about going new places, doing new things, trying new foods and pretty much more open-minded in general. He's more open to not having every little detail planned out as long as there's some structure to the plan I hatch because of me and the way I am. Which makes things a lot easier. It's hard to be someone who loves trying and doing new things and be with someone who's scared to do the same. It was more a matter of breaking the shy, reserved guy out of the shell he was in, though. If it hadn't been in him to begin with, it wouldn't be there now.

Now take me for example. I love to be out and about. Doing this, doing that. Even if it's sitting at someones house hanging out, it was better than being at my house doing nothing. I liked to go out all the time. It doesn't mean I spent any money because a lot of the time, I didn't. I have a knack for finding free stuff to do as a matter of fact. I just hated staying at home when there's so much world out there to see and take in. My guy on the other hand? He enjoys going and doing but he also enjoys sitting at home and relaxing. Due to this, I learned to compromise on wanting to be so active and "on" all of the time. Now, I can easily spend a Sunday at home and watch sports and movies all day. I'm content to not go anywhere and do anything. Which currently, due to the state of things, is a good thing because I'd really be losing my mind if I hadn't learned to be content to stay at home.

Another thing with me? I used to have a really bad temper. I'm talking punching walls, breaking stuff, getting so fuming mad that my heart would be pounding in my chest, cussing enough to make a sailor blush, throwing shit at walls (sometimes people); full out rage fits. I would go off over shit that didn't even matter just because it was easy to piss me off. I don't have a lot of that going on anymore. The Boyfriend? It's so HARD to piss him off. He rarely gets angry. He's a mellow kind of guy. I realized that I really needed to work on my anger issues and figure out why I got mad and why I got violent when I got mad. It wasn't healthy to be that way but I didn't realize it until I had The Boyfriend for comparison. Also him telling me to calm the fuck down a few times helped, too. As did him questioning why X,Y,Z would piss me off so badly. It made me look at myself and realize I needed a change.

I don't think you should ever change for a person. If you don't like the way your SO dresses, leave it alone. It makes them, them. I don't believe in making the person you're with change because in my mind, you're just building them into something you want them to be and not accepting them for who they are. I do think that sometimes, we as people can't see the things about ourselves that we need to work on or the things about us that are toxic and need to go. I didn't see how my anger was toxic to me then but I did and I definitely do now. I think that part of a relationship is becoming a better person because of the person you're with. There haven't been any drastic changes for either of us, just minor adjustments where we've both improved for the better.

No one in the world, not a single on, understands me better than my boyfriend does. He just gets me in a way that I didn't think anyone ever would. It's funny because a lot of people think I say odd and random things just to get a reaction out of people or just to shock them. I swear on my life, I don't do that. My mind just works in odd, quirky little ways. I don't sit there trying to think up some of my randomly odd ideas or crazy thoughts. They're just there and it's just the way I am. He knows some of the thoughts that lurk in my mind that I probably wouldn't tell anyone else. I'm comfortable enough with him to admit things to him (some of them being only thoughts, desires and ideas I've had and others being things I've done or tried) that I haven't ever told anyone else about and that surprises me. I'm fairly open as it is for the most part but there are still things I've always kept from everyone. Things that I'd think or do that would kind of weird me out so I never felt okay sharing them with anyone.

He knows me inside and out. All my flaws, quirks and awesome traits and he still loves me. Even when I go off on him for something stupid because even if my temper has gotten much more under control, I'm still a hot headed, moody bitch at times. :D He's patient, kind, loving, honest, loyal, trustworthy, understanding, non-judgmental, sweet, funny, goofy and wonderful. He treats me well. Better than well. He'll go without things if he has to to keep me from going without something. He goes out of his way for me. He takes care of me when I'm sick. He comforts me when I need it. He makes me laugh when I'd like to punch him or other people in the face. He understands me. He calms me down when I'm so mad I'm seeing red.

He made me realize I wasn't some weird, horrible, angry little person who didn't deserve to be loved. I was such a broken individual, no matter how hard I tried to pretend otherwise. I was so ridiculously miserable when he came into my life. It kind of stings writing that because even now, I have trouble wanting to admit how terribly unhappy I was.
He makes me so happy. And part of that is because I'm a better person because of him. Part of it is because I was finally comfortable enough with someone to open up to them, tell them what was wrong and how I was hurting and he helped. He never judged me for anything I said or anything I felt. He held me while I cried once I was comfortable enough to let him see me that vulnerable. He didn't always tells me things were going to be okay because sometimes he didn't know how to help me through something. He worked through it with me when I tried to sabotage our relationship because I thought I didn't deserve someone as great as he is. And even through everything, he stayed with me and worked through things until I was in a better place. I still have shit I'm trying to work through but he helps. He'll always listen, he never pretends to have all the answers, he never judges and he never tells me what he thinks I want to hear because he always knows that what I want is the truth, even when it's going to hurt.

I'm a better person because of what he's brought to my life. Today makes it 4 years since we've been together. Honestly, it doesn't feel like it's been that long at all. I can't believe it's really been that long but it has. I think that's a good thing. Hopefully I'm saying the same thing every year from now for the rest of the time that we're together.

Oh and don't ask why we've been together so long and aren't married. We're not in any rush and we're definitely not in any financial situation to even think about getting married. There's also no law that says you have to marry someone if you've been with them for 2 years or more. It always irritates me when people ask why we're not married yet, as if there's some kind of timeline that's acceptable and we've passed that time right on by without doing what we were "supposed" to do. If we get married, it'll happen when it happens and not before then. ;)
Happy Anniversary baby! I love you. :)

Happy Tuesday!

Comments please?

10 comments:

Autumn said...

I'm so very happy for you both! 4 years is a very long time in my opinion. I love how you said you've never broken up or taken a break. I've always felt that if you actually break it off with someone, there are reasons for this. it's good to have such a strong base to your relationship. it seems as if you are bringing out the best in one another. YAY you!!!

xoxo
loves autumn

Margaret said...

Happy Anniversary!!! :)

peace...

viemoira said...

Happy anniversary! Take all the time you need before the "big M", sounds like you're doing it right! Hope some good luck falls your way with a job you enjoy soon!
Viemoira

Emmy said...

Congrats to both of you! Four years is nothing to shake a stick at given you guys have stuck it out over distances and other obstacles. I always celebrate those who have never "taken a break" a bit more than those who have because it shows a true commitment. :)

I like this post as it sounds like you are both very well matched!
~Emmy

Hubman said...

Happy anniversary to you two!!!

SingleMom said...

that was soo sweet...Happy Annivesary

BTExpress said...

I was married for 34 years to the first love of my life and I've been with the second love of my life for just over four years.

Considering your about 1/3 my age, four years is amazing. Congratulations!

May you two be as happy as I have been with both of my loves. Arguments and all, I wouldn't change a thing. Here's to 34+ years for you two love birds.

Ashly Star said...

Autumn:
Thank you! :D I actually added the never broken up bit as an after thought after I had published the post, lol.

Margaret, Hubman & SingleMom:
Thanks!


viemoira:
We're in no rush for the "big M" lol. :D Thank you!

Emmy:
"nothing to shake a stick at" xD Hehe. I love that saying. Long distance and some crazy obstacles and we still dig each other. Sweet, eh? ;)


BTE:
That was sweet. :D Thank you very much for that comment. :D

Genevieve said...

Happy 4th anniversary!!! What an honest and loving post.
Yeah, I'm one of those long marriage (26+years) people but it sounds like your relationship is pretty solid and special too and that's awesome.

Joker_SATX said...

Belated Happy Anniversary from all the inmates here at Arkham! Kudos to you!