(440): I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
(248): Playoffs. This shit is serious.
That is probably the most awesome thing I've ever seen on Texts From Last Night. It's so awesome that even though I already posted it on my Tumblr page, I had to post it here too. Of course, I'm biased in my reasoning for finding that to be the most awesome thing ever. Seriously, I can only read so many texts about people laughing about how awesome doing weed and coke are or how they cleverly hid their drugs. I don't find those things amusing, generally. I guess I don't see the humor in it anymore. Some people use for recreation. Granted, I didn't use in a recreational once in a while type of way. I used in a I've smoked weed 7 times tonight and also drank and taken some pills kind of way or a I've done several lines of coke and now I'm going to smoke a blunt kind of way. I used as an escape. It makes me sad seeing all those tweets about drugs because it makes me wonder if they're doing it to have fun and relax a little or doing it to escape. And really, doing it for fun and recreation isn't much better.
One of my
I know why he uses and he does it to escape from everything that bothers him. To feel better. To make life seem better. He admits that's why he uses. I wish he'd stop. The last time he called me was recent. He wanted to say hi, tell me he missed me and see how I was doing. We talked a bit and then I asked him if he was still clean because three months ago when I heard from him last, he had been. He said he only stayed clean a month. I bitched at him, hard. He listened to it all and then told me he always appreciated how honest I was and how lucky he felt to have me. We talked a bit more. Then, he asked me if I was still friends with such and such because he wanted to get an eight ball for him and some people to get fucked up on. I told him I didn't hang out or even talk to coke dealer anymore and didn't talk to any other drug dealers. It took me a while but I let go of all my relationships that involved people who used drugs daily or sold them. It wasn't good for me to be around that because at the time, I was incredibly tempted to jump back into it just to have that escape from reality.
My friend and I talked for a while longer. He told me he was looking for a job again after getting fired from a restaurant he was waiting tables at. Again. He got fired from the last one for doing coke in the bathroom during a shift. He got fired at this one because he got caught buying while at work. I laughed but not because anything was funny. He didn't laugh because he knew I wasn't amused. He's so smart and so good at so many things. It's disappointing but not as much as it used to be. I didn't bitch at him again after he told me that. He asked me why I wasn't yelling at him. I told him it would be wasting my breath because he wouldn't listen anyway. He didn't say anything for a full minute. Then he asked if I was giving up on him too. I didn't say anything for a while. When I did, I told him he made it really hard to care about him when he so clearly didn't care about anyone or anything, including himself. I told him I understood now how hard it must have been for the sober friends I had had at the time when I was really into drugs. I told him I understood why some of them said to hell with me. I understood how hard it was to care about a self-destructive person, because it's so hard and you don't get much (if anything) out of it. You get a lot of frustration and heartache out of it, that's for sure. I told him I wish that someone would have stepped in and helped me sooner because in the end, I helped myself because I was afraid I'd die if I didn't stop. Which is no one's fault. I honestly don't think other people in my life knew how much I used so they probably didn't think it was bad enough to step in. I also think most of them thought I was only smoking weed, which wasn't the case. So I don't have any resentment towards any one for not stepping in and shaking me by the shoulders because I don't think anyone knew except for the people I partied with. And they obviously wouldn't have said anything because most of them used as much if not more than I did.
I asked him if he realized how lucky he was to have not just one but several people trying to help him. He didn't say anything and then started crying. I didn't say anything and he said he was sorry once he was done crying. I asked for what. He said for everything. I asked him to define everything. And he did. And started crying again, speaking and apologizing through soft sobs. I told him if he ever wanted help getting clean, to please call me because he has to want it. You can't help anyone who doesn't want help or realize they need it. He made me promise I'd answer when that day came. I made him promise that day would come. We hung up after making our promises and I felt empty because I don't think that day will ever come.
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