Friday, December 31, 2010

Hey, you? Bring your eyes over here & read this! ;)

Yesterday, I woke up feeling less shitty than I have in over a week. I took some more medicine, drank some tea and then got on with the things I needed to get done.

I was so busy doing errands and working a busy as hell shift at work and then hanging out blowing off steam after work that I forgot to eat dinner. I realized this around 2:30 AM because my stomach was making obnoxiously loud growling sounds as I was driving my drunk boyfriend home, lol. Then I realized my last and only meal of the day had been at 12:30 PM earlier in the day. FOOD TASTES SO GOOD WHEN YOU’RE THAT HUNGRY, lol. It’s like something that would normally just be good just tastes fucking amazing.

I’m so excited for today, too. No work! As most people who read my blog or follow my Twitter probably know, I spend my weekends at work. Tonight? I have the night off. And it's New Years Eve. My boyfriend also has the night off. HOO-FUCKING-RAY. I don't hardly ever see him. We have different days off and work very opposite schedules. So, it sucks but we deal since we have to, lol.

The Stars and Canucks game is tonight, too. Should be a good game to watch. Hopefully, haha. I'm just excited. Usually I only get to see bits and pieces of the games as I catch glimpses while I'm at work. I get to watch the whole damn game tonight. Excitement abounds!

Then I'll be hanging out with the boyfriend and friends, drinking and such after the game. Which I'm also excited about. Since I work all weekend, I don't often get to see my friends either. Nor do anything that's much fun.

I realized last night that I work so much and lately have been stressing so much. I need to remember to fit in some me time and some fun time, too. I’ve been forgetting to do that lately and I’ve been feeling more anxious and stressed out lately. I need to remember to fit in time to just fucking relax instead of just being busy all of the time. Working a lot of hours, errands, committing to other projects and just staying busy.
I like to stay busy but my problem with that is I end up so busy that I end up not taking care of myself right. Not eating because I forget meals because I have so much other stuff I'm doing or thinking about. Or eating a NutriGrain bar as a meal because that’s what I have time for. Or not getting enough sleep. Or not taking any time to just sit for an hour, drink some tea and enjoy reading a book or something. I need to learn to relax and just chill sometimes. I don't always need to be going and doing and busy busy busy. So, I'll work on doing a little less and making more time to relax and have some fun. :)

This year has been incredibly rough and pretty damn good at the same time. I'm not going to do one one of those long recap posts because I kind of hate doing those. Lots of downs, some ups, some huge hurdles to pass, hills to climb, tears shed, new people met, etc etc. Life happened. And I'm pretty happy with how mine is going right now and plan to keep that attitude moving on in to the new year and every day that I'm lucky to have. :)

If you're going out to celebrate tonight, please be safe. Have fun but be safe. :D

Happy Friday!
Happy New Years Eve!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Allow me to unload on you...

I'm just going to type and clear some space in my mind. So if this gets boring, oh well. ;)

I've been sick for several days now. It's not the flu, just a pretty bad cold. I've even missed some work because of it and I freaking hate calling off work. I've been getting plenty of rest, lots of fluids, taking my medicine, eating soup; all the good stuff. I do sometimes miss being a little kid. Having someone take care of you when you're sick is awesome.

I've gotten 24 new followers on Twitter in the last 2 days. A few of them were bots, a few businesses but 15 of them were all real people. It's weird. I don't think I'm that interesting and honestly I mostly just tweet about hockey, sports in general, music sometimes and crap that annoys me. I think it's cool that I get so many followers and that so many people reply to stuff I say. I also get amused at some of the things people choose to retweet of mine. I posted this 5 days or so ago...

I hate the phrase FML. "Starbucks doesn't have the drink I wanted, FML!" Really, bc that's just the worst thing ever, right?! Oh the horror!"

And I had so many people retweeting it or quoting part of it. The cool thing about that is seeing how many people agree with something you say. Another funny part of that one specifically was the amount of people who I've seen saying "FML" over stupid shit that actually retweeted it also.

I really like gummy bears but I hate the gummy worms. I mean, they're essentially the same thing, right? Just a different shape. The worms feel more... dense. Not sure if that's the word I mean but I know what I mean. Maybe I just like the bears better because I feel more satisfaction from biting their little gummy heads off. Or something. :p

I totally appreciate how many people reached out to me over my post about my friend that's got the drug addiction. I got some really great comments, a couple nice DM's on Twitter and two really heart felt emails from two people in similar situations. Something I love about blogging is the interaction and finding people who understand what you're going through. I also like getting different insights and opinions on things, too. I'm a very social person in real life and I very much enjoy getting to know people online and sharing experiences, too. I just don't have as much free time for online interaction anymore.

I'm so bummed about not getting to go to the Stars/Canucks game on New Years Eve. I know it's a silly thing to be bummed about but I was really hoping we would get to go. I've never seen the Canucks and they're another team I need to tick off the list. My goal is to see every team in Dallas at least once. Some teams that's harder to achieve than others but I digress. I've seen Pittsburgh, Detroit, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, Boston, Colorado, St. Louis, San Jose, Anaheim, Phoenix, Nashville, Minnesota, Columbus, Buffalo, New Jersey and the New York Islanders. I'm a little bit passed the halfway point but still have 13 teams I need to try and see, lol. I was hoping to add Vancouver to the list and knock that number down to 12. Maybe next time. ;)

YB's birthday is in 5 days. I can't believe my little brother is going to be 16 already. It seems like he was 5 not so long ago. Then again, that means in about 6 and 1/2 months, I'm going to be 26. Which is cool with me. I don't freak out about getting older. The only thing that annoys me is being 25 and still getting ID's for movies and such. I don't look 17 or 18, dammit. :p Though, if people keep thinking I'm 5+ years younger than I am, then I'm sure when I'm older I'll have an appreciation for people thinking I'm quite a bit younger than I really am.

One of my friends just got a Kindle and was offering to let me try it out. He thinks I need to get one. I can't afford one and also, I have no desire to have one. I LOVE BOOKS. I love to read. I like the smell of brand new books. I like the smell of fresh ink. I like the crack of a book that's never been opened before. I don't have an interest in digital versions of books. I don't get all the awesome things that go along with reading a book in a digital form. I might be a bit of a bibliophile... ;)

Two of my friends that have never met before met last night because they both stopped by to check on me since I haven't been feeling well. (My friends are awesome, btw ;D) Friend 1 then later was hanging about on Tumblr and found Friend 2's Tumblr through looking through my followers. Friend 1 then decided to dump 30 random questions into Friend 2's question box on Tumblr. In an attempt to get to know Friend 2 better. Some of the questions were...

"What would you save if you could save 5 items during a house fire? No worries about other people or pets, they all made it out already."

"If a purple chicken crossed the road in the snow, how many fried cupcakes are left in the barn?"

"Do you ever plan on having children? Why or why not?"

"What were you most afraid of as a child?"

"If a pink mushroom, a blue snake and a hot pink frog walked into a bar; how do you think people in the Church next door would react?"

And so on. A mix of good questions, dumb questions and completely ridiculous questions. Friend 2 was amused and a very good sport thus answering every question asked of him; ridiculous or otherwise. Friend 1 doesn't know it yet but when she logs on tomorrow, Friend 2 will have left her a shitload of good and equally ridiculous questions waiting for her. I like when people get along, though. So.. cool. :D

This reminds me. I really need to update the blog cast list, lol. I know some people hate nicknames but it's not my business to post my friend's and family member's real names on here. Just because I choose to blog and write about the people in my life at times doesn't mean I shouldn't respect their privacy. Be it by leaving out details about them to not using their real names, etc. I hate when people think that's being "chicken shit" because.... seriously? Fuck off. It's about being respectful of their privacy. I usually ask in the first place if it's okay to write about someone. I have a few friends that I'd love to share some stories about on here but since I asked and they said they would rather I didn't, I don't get to share those awesome stories I want to. Which is fine, I come up with enough stuff to write about anyway, lol. Just because I choose to write about myself and my life publicly doesn't mean I get free range to talk about everyone in my life, too. At least, that's my opinion on it.

I think that's enough rambling for me. Also, took Nyquil a little bit ago and now I'm getting super sleepy. (No, not at 7 AM, lol. I'm writing this at 1 AM but setting it to post at 7, lol.) And I just realized I got a cough drop out ten minutes ago and I've been holding it between my lips since then. Probably need to put it to work now, lol.

Happy Thursday!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

My heart? It hurts.

Last night, I spent an hour and a half on gtalk chatting with someone that used to be one of my closest friends. He's been one of my friends for so long. I wish he'd stop abusing drugs, though. I just can't deal with him when he's high and that's sadly the majority of the time. I can't handle who he becomes when he's high anymore. I used to handle it. I used to try to fix it. I used to try to make him see that he could get better. I didn't stop caring but I did stop wasting my time and energy trying to help someone who didn't want to be helped. He messaged me just to say hello.

We were talking about random stuff because we had not talked in around 2 months now and then just as I was about to make my exit from the conversation, he pops up with this...

Him: I miss you. And I love you. I just want you to know that.

Me: How do you mean that?

Him : I'm not in love with you. Just that I love you because you're one of my best friends, one of the people I actually let close to me. Best friend love yo.

Me: Okay, whew. Scared me there for a second, lol.

Him: I know you'll always be there when I need you to be. I know that even if you can't be around me while I'm using and I understand why you can't and I respect that decision but I know that you still care about me. You've been one of my longest friends and I can count on you to talk or to listen or to just make me fucking laugh you know?

Him: OR to be real with me and be harsh and honest and brutal and tell me the shit that I don't want to hear but that I need to hear. Even if you think I don't listen or don't care what you say I promise I hear it and it does mean something.

Him: I know you don't agree with what I do and I know you don't like it and some days I hate myself for not being strong enough to stop. To not need it anymore. And I know I'm a fucking mess and some days I hate myself for it. Some days I look in the mirror and wonder why I can't just stop and get my fucking shit together you know?

Him: And on those days, it helps that I can think about you and think about ***** and know that I have you and him in my life. I hate that neither of you will be around all the time and I know it's my fault and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for the distance I've put between us. So thank you for always being there and for never giving up on me. I'm trying....

And then, I just started crying. He's so destructive when he's high. And it's not like he just smokes weed. He does that, he abuses cocaine and other hard drugs. He's careless, reckless. He's just.... not himself and not someone I want to be around while he's high. So, I pushed him away. I put distance between us and told him I wasn't going to deal with it anymore, that I couldn't be around him when he's like that. And since he's high so often, there aren't many times I can be around him. I just can't turn my back on him and completely give up on him, though. I don't even really know why. I care about him and we've gone through a lot together. I don't let people close to me easily but I did let him get close to me. We opened up to each other and became really good friends over the years. I miss what used to be there but I know it won't ever be like it used to be again. It's so hard caring about someone who's an addict. I've seen him go for months at a time where he does good and he doesn't use. Then something happens and he falls back into it and then he just keeps going and going and going.

And if you're going to comment and tell me that people can't be helped until they're ready to be helped, save it please. I already know that hence why I put so much distance between us. I don't reach out to try to talk to him or see him ever anymore. I want him to get help but I know he has to be the one to want it and to do it for it to ever happen.

And I also know that some people will never change and that it only hurts yourself to hang on to them and keep hoping they'll change. I hope he'll change, I really do. I don't honestly count on it, though. We're not as close as we used to be, due to the distance and the fact that I don't reach out to him anymore.

I don't try to help him anymore. I don't waste time lecturing him anymore. I can't not care about him, though. I've tried to just shut him out completely and work him out of my life. And I let him back in because he's important to me and probably always will be, even though it will probably always be hard to have him be a part of my life.
I just want him to be happy... and healthy and in a good place. And I hope he lives to see the day where he doesn't feel like he needs the drugs to be happy anymore.

Have a good Tuesday, y'all.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Selfish girl...

I got called selfish the other day. That always pisses me off because I'm not an incredibly selfish person yet I some how seem to give off that impression to people. Which I don't understand. I digress. So, this person tells me I'm incredibly selfish. Yeah, okay.

This coming from a self-centered self-entitled person. It wasn't anything important, at all. People like that? They always think people who say no to them are being selfish because they feel they should always get what they want. The world revolves around them, don't you know? Telling them no automatically means you're being selfish to them because they asked you for something and duh, you're supposed to do it.

I wish you could actually purchase a reality check for some people.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

True or False...

"Impossible is just a word used by people who prematurely set up barriers for themselves."

Monday, December 20, 2010

Toys For Tots Fundraiser 2010: All Done This Year! :)

Saturday, I got off work a little after midnight. I messaged my friend The Lawyer to see if he wanted to hang out. The Boyfriend was at work until 4 AM or so and I didn't feel like heading home yet. The Lawyer wanted to get food. We ate. Then we decided to go do the shopping for Toys for Tots as the subject had came up while eating at Denny's.

So, we went to the closest Wal-Mart and started shopping. We spent a good chunk of the money donated there but the store was an absolute mess. We decided we'd try another one about 15 minutes away since we still had some donation money left but didn't want to work back through the messy aisles. So, we took our full cart, headed to check out, loaded up all the toys we had, had a conversation with the cashier and then loaded the toys up into the car and off we were to the next one. (The cashier was curious why we had so many toys, lol.)

Round 2. The store wasn't a mess at all and they had more toys to choose from. Sadly, we had spent most of the donation money doing Round 1 at the first store. I honestly didn't get all that many donations from the blogging world this year which had me discouraged quite a bit because I wanted to get more toys this year than I did last year. I'd already got quite a few toys in November with my own money in hopes that it might get more people to donate a few dollars when they saw that a few dollars really was enough to buy something. I ended up spending a little more last night as well during Round 2 because they had so many toys marked down that I really just couldn't resist. I had my notebook with me and was keeping up with how much we were spending. Once the donation money was out, I grabbed another 10 or so toys and then made myself stop there, lol. Then The Lawyer decided he wanted to help out and went back over the aisles grabbing what he wanted and spent quite a bit himself. It amused me because he'd never even heard of Toys For Tots until I had told him about it and he was so careful in his picks because he wasn't sure what to get since he doesn't have kids himself. I pointed out that most any toy wouldn't be a bad toy but he was still very selective of what he got. With a second full cart, we headed to the check-out.

We got dolls, action figures, cars, dress up stuff, pre-school toys, learning toys, arts/crafts stuff, legos, some kid books, activity books, puzzles, random games, things that light up and a couple things that make obnoxious noises.
We got a good selection of toys.

I want to say thank you to those of you who donated. Whether it was $2, $10, $25, $50 or more; it doesn't matter. I appreciate it and I know the families that benefit from Toys for Tots doing what they do appreciate it, too. I have so much fun being able to do this. I admit it was a little stressful to keep up with this year since I work such long and crazy hours and only get one day off a week. I almost didn't because I wasn't sure I'd be able to get it done and knew I wouldn't have as much time to put into the online aspects of it because I'm hardly on my computer anymore.
Even though it wasn't as easy to get it all done this year, I still enjoyed it and am super happy I decided to do it again. I look forward to doing this again next year, too. :) I also want to say thank you to everyone who posted on their blogs, tweeted links and otherwise badgered told their friends and readers alike about what I had going on in hopes of getting more donations. To everyone who donated or helped in some way... thanks so much! :)

Now, I bet y'all are ready to see the pictures, eh?

Let me say... Last year, I got a total of 83 toys. Which was awesome but my goal for this year was to get more than that. Like I said earlier, I was discouraged about the lack of online donations this year and didn't think I'd meet my goal of surpassing what I did last year.

This is the result last year:

The result for this year were, as I had hoped, better than last year. I ran out of room on the bed for placing the toys and had to push them closer together and do some creative placement to get them all to fit where as last year I had plenty of extra space to spare.

I was able to get a total of 105 toys this year. :) 22 more than I got last year. I was so excited after we added them up. (Thankfully the total items were listed on the bottom of each receipt, including the one from when I got toys in November. So, we didn't have to count each toy individually. That would have sucked. And yes, laying all of those toys out and then bagging them back up took some time, lol.)

I did a slideshow of all the pictures from shopping, laying the toys out, close up shots of the toys, loading them up and delivering them to Toys for Tots. Yes, we put most of the toys into white forceflex trash bags. I had over 25 Wal-Mart bags and figured it would be easier to load and unload larger bags instead of having tons of smaller bags full of toys. The Marines that unloaded the car for us agreed that it was a great idea to use the forceflex bags. ;)

To see the slideshow on Flickr's page, click here. You can see the full sized images if you view it on Flickr's page which makes it a lot easier to look over and see details. :)

Thanks again to everyone who donated and/or helped out in some way. Y'all rock!

Happy Monday!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Toys For Tots: Blog Fundraiser Round 2

***NOTE: THIS POST WILL REMAIN AT THE TOP OF THE BLOG UNTIL I'M DONE WITH THE FUNDRAISER. Scroll down for new posts. Make sure you've read this one first, please. :D ***

EDIT: I went and purchased some toys already with my own cash to get the fundraiser started. To see the pictures and the post, click here. :)

EDIT: Another update here. Time's almost up for donating! :)

Every year I donate some toys to Toys for Tots. I pick and choose other things to donate to as well through out the year. I don't think I can make a big dent of change in the world but I can do little things to make things a little better for other people. Be it with toys during the holidays, money for food, donating clothing, etc. I bitch about things that I wish I could fix but really, all that bitching does nothing if you're not willing to step up and do something to help make it better. So, I do what I can when I can to help out. It makes me feel good to know I've done something good and I help out with a lot of different things.

Last year, I got an idea to do a Blogger Toys for Tots Fundraiser. I got the idea damn late it the year though so there wasn't much time to work with for Toys for Tots. Don't know what that is? Let me inform you before I get on with the rest of the post.

Marine Toys for Tots Foundation, an IRS recognized 501(c)(3) not-for-profit public charity is the fund raising, funding and support organization for the U. S. Marine Corps Reserve Toys for Tots Program. The Foundation was created at the behest of the U. S. Marine Corps and provides support in accordance with a Memorandum of Understanding with the Commander, Marine Forces Reserve, who directs the U. S. Marine Corps Reserve Toys for Tots Program. The Foundation has supported Toys for Tots since 1991.

The mission of the U.S. Marine Corps Reserve Toys for Tots Program is to collect new, unwrapped toys during October, November and December each year, and distribute those toys as Christmas gifts to needy children in the community in which the campaign is conducted.

Like I said, I donate something every year. Sometimes in toys and sometimes in money. Sometimes more and sometimes less. Sometimes I don't have much money to spare but I do a little bit anyway because I know even if I'm hurting a little, some little kid and their family is hurting more. I prefer doing toys, though. I like going in to a store and picking out toys that I know will make some little kids happy. I never see the kids who get these but I always wonder if they liked what they got or if they were just happy for something, anything.

Last year, I did a Fundraiser for Toys for Tots on my blog. The results were far better than I had expected. I was beyond touched at all of the help and support I got. I got so many people who donated little amounts and it all added up to so many toys that I went and purchased. To see pictures of all the toys I purchased with my own money, donations from bloggers and people who read my blog plus some real life friends and family; click here. It was important to me (and lots of you!) to get pictures to show that I was doing as I said I would. I got plenty and I had so much fun going to get the toys. This year, I'm doing it again and starting earlier in the year.

On the right side of this blog on the side section under my profile, you will find that there is a PayPal donation button there.
If you want to donate money to help buy toys for Toys for Tots, just use that.

I will take all the money that gets donated and go buy toys. For proof that I'm doing what I say I'll be doing with the donations, there will yet again be pictures of the toys as I buy them and pictures of all those said toys being loaded into the car and more upon being delivered to a Toys for Tots location near my house once I'm done with the fundraiser.

I know with the economy being what it is, things are rough for a lot of people (myself and my boyfriend included) BUT if you can spare $5 that would be enough. With $5 I can buy an action figure, toy cars, Legos, a stuffed animal, various kinds of dolls, PlayDoh sets and various other things. $5 will buy a toy and in some cases more than one toy. I can get 8 or 9 Hot Wheels cars on $10 so no amount would be too small. If 15 people donate 5 dollars, I have $75 and that will buy quite a few toys to brighten a child's day. You can do something to help and leave all the work up to me.

I'm not expecting a huge outcome from this because like I said, I know life financially sucks for a lot of people right now. If you can give just a little bit though, you'll be making some faceless nameless little child happy and doing something good. It's not that big of a deal to let go of $3 or $5 to a great and very worthy cause.

And yes, I know Christmas isn't about the toys and other presents but imagine being 7 and not looking forward to waking up Christmas morning because Santa couldn't bring you anything this year. It's a bummer.

If you want, please feel free to post about this on your blog with links and send people over. I would appreciate that quite a bit. If you do pimp this post out on your blog, email me after you do so with the post link so I can include you in a post that's to come later on.

This post will stay at the top of the blog for quite a while. Possibly until the time I'm done with the fundraiser.

I also created a tab for Toys for Tots at the top of the blog.

The tab just has pretty much what this post has plus links to the posts I did last year including all of the pictures as well as a donation link.

Happy Monday!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I sucker punched my best friend....


If you are one of the few that have donated this year, thank you! I appreciate it and I'm going to have fun spending the money on toys when I go shopping on my day off Sunday. :)

Today is my dad's birthday. He doesn't read my blog, thankfully. I'm pretty sure he's one of the few people left in my family that hasn't seen it. Hopefully anyway, haha. I digress. We haven't always got along. He wasn't always around when I was growing up. I didn't always understand why and I didn't always understand him. I still don't always understand him but I know he's caring, hard working, loving and a damn good man. I see a lot of traits in myself that I know I get from him and they're things I admire about him for the most part. :) I'm lucky to have him. Happy Birthday dad!

The Stars play tonight. Against the Sharks. They played the Sharks Monday in San Jose. They won the game in a shootout. You see that game? Jamie Benn's shootout goal was fucking awesome. I suppose if you're not into hockey you wouldn't appreciate it but dude, it was beautiful. Hopefully they can win tonight in regulation. I like when they win in OT/SO because fuck yeah winning but I much prefer a win in regulation so they're not still giving up a point to the other side.

Some people have asked what I want for Christmas. Merely for curiosity purposes so I'll post a little bit of what I want.

Tickets to the Stars/Canucks game on New Years Eve. I actually have NYE off (I usually work) and I've never been to a game where we played the Canucks before. I so badly want to see them since we don't play Vancouver often and they're one of the few times I've yet to see.

Gift cards. I know a lot of people say they're impersonal but the Boyfriend and I will be getting our own place at the beginning of the year again. Only thing is we have very little to take with us so I wanted gift cards to various places to help buy items we need. Then I was informed it was rude to ask for stuff like that since I should be asking for things I want not things we need.

New shoes and clothes. I have a pair of shoes, a pair of flats, a pair of heels and a pair of flip flops. My shoes take a beating since I have one pair and wear them constantly, lol. And clothes is something I just don't spend money on so I need some stuff that isn't worn or torn.

The other stuff on my list are books, CDs, DVDs and minor kitchen stuff.

What's on your wish list this year? :) I always enjoy seeing what other people ask for. I don't think it gives insight into that person always but sometimes it does. It also sometimes unveils interests I might not have otherwise known a person had. So comment and tell me what you want, please? ;)

I'm going to try my hand at making gingerbread cupcakes on Sunday after I do the toy shopping. Or before I do the toy shopping. Either way, I'm trying out the recipe I found. I've never made gingerbread cupcakes before and also never even eaten a gingerbread cupcake before. I LOVE gingerbread cookies, though. So when I saw an easy recipe for gingerbread cupcakes and saw that we already have the stuff to make them? Totally couldn't pass up trying to make them. Here's hoping they turn out well, lol.

Sexy yet supportive bras for chicks with really big boobs are hard to find. Bra shopping always irritates the fuck out of me. I've said before that I just need to make my own line of bras for busty chicks but I've never really been serious about it. I think I need to give it a real shot, though. It's not a bad idea and there's a definite need for it out there. I just have to figure out how to go about doing this.

The title of today's post doesn't have anything to do with anything in the post, so to speak. It's a line out of this song... "Time To Take My Drunk Ass Home" by Luke Bryan. Give it a listen. Though, it's a country song so if you hate country you probably won't dig it. The song amuses me and I like Luke Bryan. Yes, I like country music and no, not everyone in Texas does so shhh.

That's enough rambling. Remember, today is the LAST DAY to donate to the Toys for Tots fundraiser. Even if it's only $2 or $5, you'll be making a difference. :)

Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Pretty night lights ....

Frisco Square in Frisco, TX

I took those last night, a couple hours after work. They have this neat little light show going on that's very colorful. And cued to music. I was watching the lights and listening to TSO. So it was a fun little bit. The pictures aren't as good as they could be. I took them with my Blackberry (I don't own a camera) and found out later I had the flash off, lol. I have some more pictures and might post them another time. Or I might go back and see if I can get some better ones.

Time's almost up to donate to the Toys for Tots fundraiser! Even if it's only $2 or $5, every little bit will help. :) Check out the post above this one or hit the TFT tab at the top of the blog. Thanks so much to everyone that has donated. Y'all rock! :)

Happy Wednesday!

Monday, December 13, 2010

A PSA & stuff...

Right the fuck on, Princess.

I hate when a supposed mature adult makes a mistake then won't own it. Sure, at times it's embarrassing to fuck up. No one likes messing up. Most people dislike being wrong, especially if they believed they were right. It happens. Admit it and do what's right to make things better. If that requires a "hey, I was wrong and I'm sorry" then own up and do what needs to be done to make the situation better.

Ahem... This song has no relevance to the post but I want to post it anyway because I love it and can't get it out of my head here lately. "Say You'll Haunt Me" by Stone Sour. LOVE.

Also, there are only a couple days left to donate to my Toys for Tots fundraiser so if you haven't yet and still want to; time is running out to do it! Thanks so much to those that did donate! I appreciate it so much. :)

Happy Monday!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

A glimpse from 2008...

I thought it might be interesting to look back at my blog last year on this date and see what I had posted.

December 9th, 2009, the post for that day was about last year's Toys for Tots fundraiser in HNT form. Lots of words, lots of pictures.

So, I went back to December 9th, 2008 to see what was there. I liked that post so much that I'm reposting it here. Some long time readers might remember it. Some new readers might find it interesting. Either way... two years ago today, this is what I had posted on the blog for the day. Enjoy! ;)

"I mentioned about a $50 tip accompanied with a note that I wanted to write about it. I started and then stopped, not sure if I wanted to or not. I'm going to after all. =)

I was working late two Saturday nights ago and something interesting happened. I waited on 3 young girls. I'd put them at late teens to early twenties. Barely younger than me or about the same age as me either way. While waiting on them, they asked me quite a few questions. How I was doing, how I was really doing, how I liked my job, if I was okay in general and some other things. They seemed very concerned and caring about my overall well being. They were very nice and sweet girls. I had never seen them before and neither had anyone else there that night. I got a little of an odd vibe off them. Not in a strange or creepy way but just that they were very concerned about me for whatever reason. Which seemed strange because I didn't know them and they didn't know me. I've never seen or waited on them before, I would have remembered. I have a knack for remembering faces and easily begin to recognize repeat customers after just coming in once and then a second time. I felt strange about them. The last thing the blonde girl named Kelly did was look at me and ask, "So, are you really okay? In general." I shook my head and said that yeah, I was doing fine. She nodded once, staring at me and said simply, "Ok." That was the weirdest part of all because I felt like she was staring straight through me and seeing the truth that I wasn't saying. Like she was looking beneath everything on the surface and skipping all the physical elements to me and just seeing that I was lying in a way. I am fine but I've been conflicted in things a lot lately. I've been confused a lot and I've felt incredibly down a lot lately. I thought maybe she was just an intuitive person but the way she stared into me really unnerved me. They were done and just sitting around so I got on with other customers. I paid a little attention to them here and there but they seemed to just be chatting away.

I was coming up from the back and the blonde named Kelly was standing by the front door waiting for me to come by. As I got closer, the girl named Maria came to stand by her. The third girl, Megan, was no where in sight. I got up in front of them and stopped to ask if they needed anything.

Kelly said, "We have your tip for you and it's in here (holding up a note towards me) but please wait until we leave to open it." I said thank you and told them to have a great night. They walked quickly away and I unfolded the paper, read the note and then counted the bills to realize I had 50 dollars in my hand from these girls. I saw them in the distance so I went around after them but they were just gone in the blink of an eye. I searched a little for them in the direction I had just seen them walking but didn't see them anywhere at all. I asked some people if they had seen them and everyone was of the consensus that they were gone once they were into the next parking lot. It was strange. People don't just vanish into thin air in front of people.

I can't scan the note but I'll type out the note exactly as they wrote it so y'all can see what it said.

Here it is:


Amorous! (My real name was here but obviously I'm not posting that, lol.)

Thank you so much for serving us! We hope that you experience God's blessing in every area of your life, especially at your home!
There is something special about you - remember.

Kelly, Megan, Maria! =)"

Now, the thing about this note is that I didn't see them with other than their little wallets containing their money and credit cards. The paper didn't seem like it was only minutes free of a notepad either. It had creases in it and the paper was slightly worn like it had been folded and carried around a little bit. I was curious about why it was dated as well. I was also curious about what the note said. A lot of my conflicting thoughts are about stuff that revolves around home and I've been very down on myself lately.

My name was on the note but I never wear my name tag at work, lol. I might have had it on but that in itself would be weird because really, I never wear the damn thing. I don't tell my name and it's also not on any receipts. Not because I'm paranoid but because my family are pretty much the only people in my life who call me by my name. Most of my friends always calls me by various nicknames. No one stopped and talked to them. We didn't have many employees that night. In fact, I was the only one serving food the whole time they were there with one girl helping here and there. They didn't talk to her and they didn't talk to anyone else at work then. They didn't leave their table the whole time we were there up until the point they were ready to leave. No one I knew was there and I have no doubt in my mind about never seeing them before.

I doubt that I'll ever see them again but I would really like to. For nothing more than to say thanks. The money was nice and I ended up giving about half of that $50 away anyway. The note was the part that stood out to me more. I'd also like to get the chance to ask them about the note and why they picked me to do that for and how the heck they knew my name, lol. Among other things. Though like I said, I don't think I'll ever see those girls again to ask them anything or even just to say thank you.

My nose is running. I keep on sneezing. My throat is scratchy and irritated. My head is aching and feels crowded. It never fails. Every year, no matter what I do, I get sick at one point in December. I've spent quite a few Christmas mornings opening gifts and feeling like crap. Waiting to be done to go back to sleep. Thankfully it looks like I'll be knocking the December head cold I always get out early this year. So happy I'm off today and tomorrow. I'll be relaxing and medicating it on up.

I'm definitely venturing out for The Dark Knight today though. Yeaaah baby. =) Since I'll be at Best Buy getting that, I'll grab up a few gifts too.

Happy Tuesday!"

So, there you have it. Also, if you feel so inclined, check out the Toys for Tots post from one year ago today. That's totally worth reading and seeing the pictures. ;)

Happy Thursday!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Why changing your FB picture to a cartoon wasn't completely ridiculous...

I saw this on Tumblr....

I disagree and I will tell you why.... in a moment.

I agree that changing a profile picture was a silly idea. Changing the picture doesn't support or do all that much. So, if I agree with that, how do I disagree with it being a stupid thing to do?

I disagree when people say it did nothing. It spread awareness. It got people talking. For several days on my page, there were people sharing links with people who didn’t know ways to help. People giving out information for ways that other people can get involved and do something good. People relating stories to each other on their experiences. Bonding over something so terrible isn't the best way to bond but finding someone, be it someone already in your life or someone new, who understands and can relate to you? Someone you can openly talk comfortably with? That's a good thing. There were people sharing links and phone numbers for people who need to get help.

It got people talking about an issue that doesn't get talked about often. It got people sharing and reaching out to others. It got people who previously didn’t think about helping thinking about it and doing something more.

To me, all of that is something. It might not be much and I know not everyone had this going on between the people on their social network. I know I'm not the only one who saw something like this happening through their social network, though. I also know not everyone who were given links will do anything with them. I know not everyone will start finding a way to help. This goes with anything. Same as how not everyone who had the nerve to belittle the people changing their photos and telling them to find a real way to help will do something more other than complain about what other people aren't doing. If even a small percentage of people get involved and look for ways to help and do it, though? Good.

The premise of it might have been stupid but I disagree that it was all done for nothing. Spreading awareness and getting people talking and sharing is never useless or pointless, especially when it comes to subjects that people are generally less inclined to bring up and talk about.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead.

Happy Tuesday.

Monday, December 6, 2010

To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else...

The Stars play the Columbus Blue Jackets tonight, in Columbus. They're on a 6 game winning streak so hopefully after tonight it will be a 7 game winning streak. Which is awesome considering last season they didn't win 3 games in a row. The longest streak last year was 2. Not so good. This season has gone much better thus far. Though, even when they're losing, I'm still cheering them on. There's nothing I hate more in sports than "fans" that jump ship or majorly trash talk their team because they're doing poorly then jump back on when they're doing well again.

I really want a mini Keurig for Christmas. I love Keurig. It's perfect since my boyfriend doesn't drink coffee and I'm a one cup in the morning kind of person. I usually don't drink coffee because I don't have a way to make a single cup for just me. Unless I'm at work, then I do since my boss brought a french press up to work for us to use for coffee. Mmmm. I didn't bother putting the Keurig on my Christmas list because it's $89 and I figured that was too expensive of a gift to ask for. I don't like asking for pricey things. What I really want is stuff for the boyfriend and I. We're getting our own place at the beginning of the year again but we have very little. I had planned on asking for some things we'd need for Christmas since I figured if people were going to spend money on me, it might as well be for things I need versus things I just want for the hell of it. Then I was informed by several people that was "rude" and revised my list to junk I want instead of stuff I'll need. I did get some Christmas shopping done yesterday. I worked 6 nights last week so I didn't have time to do any shopping. Or anything else. So, I spent my day off yesterday cleaning, running errands, grocery shopping, doing almost 2 weeks worth of laundry, cooking dinner, Christmas shopping, wrapping presents and doing more laundry. Not a very relaxing day off at all but I got a lot of stuff done. Now I need to get something for my mom, dad, 22 and my grandparents and I'll be done. I'm usually done by the end of November but being unemployed for a year set me back a little financially so I didn't get to start so early this year. Which is fine... Except I work a shitload of hours so finding time to get the rest of my shopping done is going to be a bit of a challenge since I need to go to several different stores to get the remaining items I need, lol. It's all good, I'm up for a little challenge. ;)

I did take an hour yesterday between getting stuff done to lay down, listen to music (Luke Bryan, Three Days Grace and Nightwish; such a lovely mix ;D) and and read a book. I haven't done that in such a long time. The book I'm in the middle of reading? I started reading and had no clue what was going on so I had to start over. Luckily, I was only 62 pages in so I didn't have a lot to re-read. That was nice, though. Reading a book while listening to music is one of my favorite ways to relax and it's something I haven't had the free time to do in 3 or 4 weeks. Maybe more, I don't know.

I quit smoking around 13 months ago. There's no further point to that, just wanted to throw that out there. :)

I want to talk to my boss about changing my schedule around some. I rarely see my boyfriend the way it is now. I have Sundays off. He works Sundays. He has Thursday and Friday night off. I work late both days and tend to go in early. The rest of the time, we work and our schedules are opposite. He gets home from work, I'm asleep. I'm waking up for the day, he's been asleep only a couple hours. So, even though we live together, I see him maybe a few hours a week. Which sucks. And there's no reason that I shouldn't be able to work my schedule around some. I spent a lot of Saturday during a slow period analyzing the scheduling and I kind of know what I'd like to see happen. Hopefully the boss will agree to it or at least come up with something else that will work. I'm fairly optimistic about it. He's pretty good at being flexible.

I really want some flannel sheets for the bed but I have no idea where to get inexpensive ones that aren't horribly cheap and uncomfortable. Any tips on that would be helpful. :)

I posted an update on my Toys for Tots fundraiser on Saturday. Check that out if you haven't already, please and thank you. :) There's still a little time left to donate if you haven't already! :) A few dollars is all you need to send to help out.

Happy Monday!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Toys for tots fundraiser update...

So far this year, I've received a little over $400 in donations from people for the Toys for Tots Fundraiser. That's quite a lot less than I did last year but it's still a significant amount and will make a difference for a lot of little kids. I already spent $65 of my own money for the toys that have been purchased already. I'll probably spend a little bit more, too. I've been setting a few dollars here and there aside so I could add it to the total for the fundraiser. Thanks so much to everyone that has donated so far. Whether it was $50, $20 or $3, your donations have really added up and I appreciate all the help.

There's still another 10 (or 12, let me know if you want to donate but need to wait for a specific date but the 16th will be the latest to donate to me I'm thinking) days to donate to the fundraiser if you haven't already and want to. It doesn't have to be much. Check out the posts I've already done on it. One includes pictures so you can see just how many toys my $65 did buy.

Even if you don't donate to my fundraiser, it would be great if you found something worthwhile to drop a few dollars to. Every little bit really does help. :)

Happy Saturday!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

25 Questions...

25 Questions... Just because I don't feel like writing anything specific but I wanted to do something, ya know? Yep. :) Plus, I'm a sucker for these things.

1. How far away do you live from your parents?: My mom lives in East Texas about 2 hours from where I live. My dad lives in California.

2. What did you get in the mail today?: Nothing. :)

3. How do you like your steak cooked?: Medium well.

4. Have you ever sat all the way through Gone With the Wind?: I've honestly never watched it all the way through at once. I have seen the whole movie, just not all at the same time, lol.

5. Have you ever been to Mt Rushmore?: Nope.

6. Is it just me, or was The Marine (w/John Cena) a really horrible movie?: I never saw it. The previews (I think, I can't remember exactly) looked awful so I assumed... lol.

7. Do you smoke cigarettes?: Nope. I quit around this time last year. :)

8. Are you currently planning a trip?: Nope, can't afford that.

9. Is Ryan Seacrest gay? Should anyone care?: I have no idea. And no, it shouldn't matter one way or another.

10. Do you take anti-depressants?: Not anymore.

11. Do you ever take sleeping pills?: No.

12. Did you ever get into a bar and drink before you were 21?: Yes, quite a few times.

13. Do you watch MTV anymore?: We don't have cable. I wouldn't watch MTV even if I were able to, though.

14. What kind of car do you drive?: A Mazda.

15. Honestly, is that car insured?: Yep.

16. Do you like sushi?: HATE IT.

17. Do you like roller coasters?: Fuck yes.

18. What magazine(s) do you buy regularly or subscribe to?: None.

19. Do you own an iPad? Do you plan to buy an iPad if you don't already have one?: To both questions, no.

20. Was your dad named after anyone?: No clue.

21. What’s the longest time that you‘ve been involved with the same person?: My current relationship is my longest. 4 & 1/2 years.

22. What is something that you‘d rather be a bit dirty?: Sex. ;)

23. What was your best/favorite subject at school?: History, economics and art.

24. Describe your accent: I'm from Texas. I don't have a thick Southern accent but it's there. It's really there when I'm angry, upset or highly emotional in some way. Get me mad and I sound Southern as hell, lol.

25. What do you wear to sleep?: Clothes. Usually. It varies based on my mood and the temperature in the room.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Dear alcohol, drugs & pain, make me better please?

I love that I can have a drink or two or three now and not feel the need to keep going until I’m smashed. Since I started drinking as a teenager, I’ve always drank to get drunk. Sure, I enjoyed the way a lot of it tasted but I was drinking for the effects. To feel happy, to feel numb. So, I drank until I was happy then I drank until I was numb and for the night, I felt better. Which is why I drank so often. I wanted those feelings as much as I could get them and that was the only way I ever felt good. Outwardly, I seemed mostly okay. As a teenager, I think a lot of people just assumed it was normal teenage angst bullshit. Normal growing pains. Just... normal shit most teens go through. I remember a few times saying I had issues and being told I didn't. That I was going through what everyone went through. I wanted to scream about how I doubted everyone laid in bed at night thinking of ways to die. I doubt everyone laid in bed at night, every night, crying. Crying because they were sad, hurting, felt alone and hated who they were. I doubt everyone took showers so hot that they're skin burned and turned red because they embraced being in pain because pain was easier to deal with then sadness, loneliness, self loathing and other things. I doubt everyone else abused Nyquil and other medications they found in the house so they could sleep or so they could feel better mentally and emotionally. And I doubt everyone else used razorblades and knives to cut their skin up because again, physical pain is easier to deal with. I still have some scars on my thighs and legs from some of the cuts I made when I was a teenager. I did them in places no one would see them because I didn't want attention from it. I just wanted the adrenaline rush that came first followed by the pain that came second.

Yeah, I wasn't going through normal shit but I didn't feel like I could ever tell anyone either. So after the first time I got drunk as a teenager, I found something better than causing myself pain to escape how miserable I felt. Sadly, I still cut until my very early twenties. I digress. I drank to feel good. I loved the burn of taking shots the best and never chased them with anything. Except maybe another shot. A little bit of pain along with the pleasant fuzziness that would soon follow with enough shots.

I started smoking weed as a teenager, too. It was just another way for me to feel better. I always felt content and relaxed when I was high. I didn't feel content or relaxed any other time. I used other drugs, too. I did ecstasy. I popped Xanax bars and other muscle relaxers and anti-depressants. I did cocaine. I drank. I got high. I did anything to feel better.

Then, it got to a point where I could do all the drugs I wanted and drink until I was hammered and it still wasn't enough. That's when I was most afraid for myself. I was so reckless. I did some really stupid things. I just didn't care about myself. I thought about asking for help so many times. I cried and screamed. I sobbed and laid in the floor curled up like a little shaking ball of misery more nights than I care to remember. I just wanted to feel better but I just couldn't bring myself to ask for help. I was afraid that I'd be told I'd need it. I was afraid I'd get it and still not be able to fix whatever was wrong with me more.

I quit doing drugs after one night where I mixed too much shit together. After that night, one of my best friends at the time made me flush every ounce of weed I had. He made me get rid of the little bit of cocaine I had and all the pills, too. I cried and sobbed. I yelled at him. I punched him. He dealt with me acting like a brat for over an hour until I finally got rid of everything.

I kicked the drug habit but I kept drinking. And since I had gotten rid of doing drugs, I started drinking more. And more. And more. I could have 20 shots of something strong and still be standing. Still remember everything I'd done the next day. Not be hungover because I never get hangovers. I could drink dangerous amounts of liquor and then go home and pass out. Then do it again the next day.

People around me knew I had a problem. I knew I had a problem. Some people in my life reached out to me. There was a little intervention of sorts. I don't remember the point of that honestly other than getting me to acknowledge my drinking problem and getting me to acknowledge that I was miserable and loathed the person that I was. And that I was so very lost, confused and quite miserable. And that I often felt like the world would be a better place without me in it. Mission accomplished, I admitted all of that and probably more. I still didn't seek help, though I should have. I had other issues, too. I had PTSD from being in an armed robbery and refused to deal with any of that and hid in a bottle from that, too. I had a lot going on in my head and I tried to just drown it all with booze.

In July of 2009, I moved in with my boyfriend after having been together for 3 years already at that point. He put up with a lot from me. He helped me so much. I moved back home to Texas from California and I started really working on myself. I wanted to be happy. I had never truly been happy, not really. I'd go for days or weeks where I'd be fine or think I felt fine but I wasn't.

The turning point for me was going to a graduation ceremony. My boyfriend's friend was graduating the police academy. One of the officers at the ceremony gave the most amazing speech I've ever heard in my life. It was inspiring and I had to fight so hard not to sit there and bawl my eyes out. It was incredibly inspiring to me and at the same time, it was a huge slap in the face to get myself fixed. So, after that, I wrote down the things he had said that had touched me the most. I read them and used them. I started working through my issues. I started talking to my boyfriend more about some things. I started talking to a couple of my closest friends about things, too. I read a couple books and talked to a friend's aunt a few times because she's a therapist. I couldn't see her professionally because I didn't have the money to. She talked to me plenty of times and helped me figure out the ways to work out a few things I needed to. The rest, I figured out myself.

In the last year, I've
worked a lot of shit out, made changes, done things differently and overall? It hasn't been easy and at times, I've wanted to just give in and go crawl back into a bottle. Or go grab a knife from the kitchen and cut into my skin. I wouldn't give in to anything. I was determined I'd get over my shit and get on with life and be happy about it dammit, lol. And, I did. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life right now.

I can drink now just because I enjoy the taste of something or just because I want to have a few drinks. I don’t drink for the effects getting drunk offered. I’m happy now without the aid of booze. About a year and a half ago, I'd want a drink to feel good but now? I don't want or need liquor to feel good. I don’t ever feel so alone or sad or desperate that I want to drink to feel good and then keep drinking until I just feel numb. Now, I can have a few drinks and feel good because I enjoy a good drink. I can have a few drinks without having 12 or more. I can get a pleasant buzz going and just enjoy that. I don't feel the need, the desperation, to drink and drink until I feel happy and then numb. I can just enjoy without going to that place. I can have a drink and be okay because I’m not using alcohol to escape and feel better for a night. And that's all it was; a temporary escape for a few hours. No substance I abused and no method of physical pain did anything but give me a distraction, an escape. It was only temporary and I hid within all of those distractions for far too long.

I'm proud of myself for being able to have the strength to do what I needed to do. I'm still working on some issues I have. Hell, who doesn't have some shit they need to work through honestly? It's nothing too major, though. I'm getting myself on track and doing what I need to do to have the kind of life I want to have. It's not always easy but I just tell myself every damn day I start to doubt myself that it will be worth it. That I can do it and that I just need to believe in myself.

Happy Tuesday.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Good news & more!

Thank you to the people that have donated something to the Toys for Tots fundraiser. If you haven't and want to, there's still time to get a donation in! :) Every little bit helps. $3 or $5 isn't much but it will buy something. The post stuck on the top of the blog is updated with pictures of the toys I went and got with my money and a little detail on what I spent and how much the items cost. It really doesn't take much. :) And if you don't donate to my fundraiser, it's never too late to find a good cause and do a little good for someone else. :)

I'm not feeling so well today. Actually, the last few days I haven't been feeling so well but I've been taking some stuff so hopefully that helps combat this cold or whatever the fuck it is.

I have some good news from the work front. I'm a supervisor now. I'm also going to be coordinating events and helping with promotions and marketing. Yes, that comes with more pay. I wouldn't take on more work and responsibility without getting paid more. That would be dumb. Also on the good news front, the Boyfriend and I should be able to move out and back into our own place sometime in January. Hopefully. I cannot wait. I miss having my own place and I seriously dislike so much about my living situation currently. I can hang another month or two. :D Also, I'm thinking I might have things in order enough to start classes back up next Spring. I just have to keep doing what I'm doing. And keep being patient, which isn't always easy for me, lol.

The Stars play the Carolina Hurricanes tonight. They have won the last 3 (one against the Senators and 2 against the Blues) games they've played so hopefully they keep the winning streak alive and beat the Canes tonight. Which reminds me! I had to go in to Wal-Mart a few nights ago after work. I went to the one right by my job instead of waiting and going to the one closer to my house. The one close to work is in a nicer neighborhood, lol. I digress. I live in Dallas. I was walking by the clothes section on my way to a different section and some Stars pajamas caught my eye. I went to look and you know what else I saw?

Canes pajama bottoms in a Dallas Wal-Mart? WTF? And it's not like they had other teams besides the Stars and the Canes bottoms. The Stars bottoms make total sense. The Canes? Don't get it. They also have Cowboys, Mavs and Longhorns apparel over there, too. Which made sense since they're all Texas teams. Canes bottoms made me chuckle and shake my head. I posted it on Tumblr and amused several people there. Maybe there's a huge secret Canes following in North Dallas? Doubtful. The Wal-Mart by my house doesn't have any Canes bottoms or any apparel by non-Texas teams. Anyway, back to the game tonight. Dallas is currently in FIRST place in the Pacific Division. Third place in the Western Conference. And 11th overall in the league. Kickass. It's so close in points, though. Also, still early in the season and too early to be getting excited about that. They just need to keep winning and keep stacking the points on. Sounds like a good idea to me. GO STARS!

Moving on.

This made me chuckle....

I love the "Won't Mom be so proud?" bit at the end. Awesomeness.

I know I have some e-mails to tend to. If you're waiting on a reply from me for something or have e-mailed me recently, I'll get to it soon. I had a crazy busy weekend and this week is shaping up to be pretty damn busy, too. :) Which is great. I love being busy and having a lot to do.

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and a good weekend!

Happy Monday!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I'm thankful for...

It's Thanksgiving Day!

The Boyfriend has to work today so bummer there.

I don't usually do these types of posts but I'm going to do a post on what I'm thankful for. :) It might seem cliche to do but whatever. There's nothing wrong with doing a little tribute to what you have to be happy about in life.

I'm thankful for....

-Having a job. This time last year, I didn't. I'm still recovering financially from being out of work for a year. It's getting better, though.

-My family, my great friends and wonderful boyfriend. I listed them all together because there are a lot of similar reasons that I'm thankful for them all. Even though we (family, friends, boyfriend) don't always get along, we're still there for each other when we need to be. Shoulders to lean on; ears that listen; mouths that offer advice, caring words, humor, honesty and encouragement.
Plenty of fun times, long conversations, hugs, laughs, arguments, tears cried, moral support, drunken nights and so much more has been shared and lived. I have some really great people in my real life.

-My youngest brother's ability to always make me laugh and put on a smile on my face and he doesn't even usually have to try. He's also one of the most caring people I know at 15 and I wish more people were like that.

-I know some really great people in the online world, too. My friends in blogland that have helped me out when I needed it. Be it sending me a gift card or just listening to me whine about something and everything in between; I appreciate it.

-Improved relationships. First... My younger sister and I have such a great relationship now and I'm thankful for that. That wasn't always the case but we got over that. She's a wonderful person with a great heart. Seeing how my mom and her oldest sister don't get along always makes me a little sad. I don't understand why and it's none of my business either but seeing family not get along at all just makes me sad. I'm thankful that when my sister and I are in our 40's and 50's that we won't just tolerate each other. Second.. My boyfriend. We've had a rough go of it lately but we manage to work through things and stay together. I was at a breaking point recently and I was so upset because I wasn't sure where we were going but I knew I couldn't keep going as we were. We're working through it and for that, I'm thankful. He understands me better than anyone and I want more than anything for us to be able to keep always communicating and working through our problems along the way. We're worth it.

-Sports. It sounds cheesy but I am thankful for that, too. I'd be sad as hell if I had sports taken away from me. Watching and playing. I get so much enjoyment from both, it's great.

-Sweet Lemon Peace Tea. That is the best tea in a can. Ever.

-My boss. He's incredibly flexible and understanding about things and I appreciate that more than he knows.

-Books, writing, sketching and music. For without those things, I'd probably drive myself crazy without outlets to let myself get lost in.

-Coffee and big mugs. Enough said.

-A warm bed to sleep in every night. It might not always have the one I love in it with me but at least I always know at the end of the day that I have somewhere to go and a warm bed to sleep in.

-Strength. For having enough of it to overcome the obstacles I've worked my way through in the last year.

There are more things in my life that I'm thankful for but, if I list everything? I'll be here typing for the next hour at least, lol. So... I do have a bit more to add in the thankful department, though.

I'm thankful that the Stars held on to their asses and pulled off that win against Ottawa last night. The last half of that 3rd period had me cringing and biting my nails. Yes, I get damn into watching my teams play. :D

I am also thankful to those of you who have donated money to help with my Toys for Tots fundraiser. Whether you donated $1, $5, $20, $50, etc; I truly appreciate you helping me out with this. Osbasso has up a special something something about the Fundraiser on his blog today, too. The something something is NSFW in a way so if you're sadly working today or surfing the web around family, might want to hold off on that. ;D He also has a wonderful tribute to his late father up with that as well. You should go check out the post. Also, if you've posted about it and I didn't get you in the last post where I thanked people for pimping the cause out; please email me the link to the post. amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. And there's still plenty of time to donate if you haven't and want to. Or, if you don't want to donate to me? Fine. I urge you to find something to give a few dollars to. Most people don't realize or believe that a couple dollars here and there really adds up and DOES make a difference.

That's it for today.

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving if you're celebrating and if not, have a wonderful Thursday! :)


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Aw, you're in love! Let me go throw up now.

On Facebook and Twitter, I notice things like this:

"My girlfriend brought me a Red Bull up to work on her way home from work. She's so thoughtful, I'm lucky. Yeah ok, stop rolling your eyes at the screen now."

"My husband is so sweet, he got me flowers and my favorite drink from Starbucks this afternoon for no reason. Yes I know, we're one of those sticky sweet disgusting couples and we don't care."

"My boyfriend is cooking me dinner tonight yay! So sweet. I'm going to make him cookies tomorrow. Totally vomit inducing from the cute, I know."

And then the statuses that are just like that without the insult added to them.

"Amy made me my fave breakfast this morning. I love her."

Followed by comments like:

"You guys are disgustingly sweet. *puke*"

And it got me thinking....

Sure, when the person is constantly like "omg so in love" and "my significant other is so amazing" every single day; it does get a little annoying. It gets old. You're happy, you have a wonderful person in you're like, etc. No need to boast about it multiple times a day, every day. The over the top people that are completely obnoxious aren't what I'm talking about, though. (And even so, who cares? Ignore it if it chaps your ass that bad.)

There's nothing wrong with doing it from time to time. Sometimes my boyfriend does something particularly sweet and I want to share it.

Like the other day for example. We don't see each other much because our schedules are so opposite and we don't have the same nights off. I live with him and hardly spend any time with him. He got home the other day around 5:30 am from work. He had breakfast for me. A Belgian waffle and strawberry creamcheese*. Which was awesome and totally thoughtful of him. I ate and he promptly passed out after I was done and we had chatted a while.

My point is, why would people rather see you posting/tweeting about negativity and drama over being happy and love? That annoys me more than the lovey dovey people and their daily posts of sweetness. What does it say about a person when they would rather see a posting about drama or something negative over something sweet?

Sure, it can get annoying. Sure, if you're single it can make you feel bad, lonely, etc. But to be rude about it? To get unhappy or nauseated over a friend, family member, aquintaces, etc happiness seems silly.

I guess I just hate that as a general rule, the bad things tend to get more attention. The bullshit in light gets focused on more. I'd rather see someone post about they're girlfriend/boyfriend/etc being awesome once daily over someone whining for the 569th time about how their boss is an asshole or how much they hate their job or about how tired they are of someone something etc.

I don't have a problem with people using social media to bitch, either. I do it. I think we all do. I'm not saying you shouldn't use it to bitch. Go for it if you need to.

If you're just giving a friend some good natured ribbing about their "vomit inducing" status; fine I guess. I just hate seeing people preclude their updates with "yes, we know we're gross" because they know it's coming anyway.

I also just don't get why people get so put out with the love and happiness updates and tweets. I always figure if something really bothers me enough, I can just ignore it. It's not that hard to do and it works pretty well. Easy and effective? Win.

*I eat my waffles with creamcheese over butter and syrup. Strawberry creamcheese is my favorite to use on waffles. :)

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, November 22, 2010


Last week was ROUGH. Mentally, emotionally,draining, stressful, blah blah blah. Just rough, all the way around. Here's hoping this week is better. :)

The Stars play the Toronto Maple Leafs tonight, in Toronto. They're having a rough time winning games on the road. If this happens to be the case for tonight's game, that might just make me sad, lol. I'm not saying the Leafs suck mind you, just that, you know, my Stars are better. :D

I'll be at work during the game but eh, what else is new? I'm always at work. Even yesterday (Sunday's are my day off) I ended up working an extra shift. It's not like my boss just tacked it on me. I did offer to pick it up since there was a need. And I need the money. On the way there, I was wishing I had just turned it down. It wasn't a very long shift anyway and I should have just enjoyed getting a night off and used it relaxing. And doing laundry, cleaning and all the other stuff I don't ever have time to do that all need doing, lol. So, my next day off is Thanksgiving. At least I get that day off. The Boyfriend has to work, so... yeah. Suckage.

The day after Thanksgiving is Little Sister's birthday. Friday she'll be 20. I seriously can't believe she's turning 20. That's insane, I swear she was just turning 13. Or some such much younger number than that, lol.

I got some awesome (and warm) fuzzy socks. Three pairs for $3. I do love me some socks, especially cozy ones for a good price. I have so many pairs of socks. I love socks and hats like so many woman love shoes I guess. I have less than 5 pairs of shoes. I have more than 30 hats and I don't even know how many pairs of socks. The fuzzy, super comfy ones I'm wearing right now are purple and baby blue striped. Look at all this color that's seeped into my wardrobe in the last year. Okay, so mainly I've let a little purple, blue and red into my mostly black wardrobe but whatever; it's a start. ;)

If you haven't yet and want to, there's still plenty of time to donate to the Toys for Tots Fundraiser. :) I've updated the post stuck on top of the blog with the link of a newer post wherein I took some pictures of some of the toys I went and got already. Check it out and remember, every few dollars really does help. :)

BAWLS energy drink is 1) fun to say because well, BAWLS! And 2) possibly the most delicious tasting energy drink ever because it doesn't taste like an energy drink. :)

I'm done rambling now, heh.

Enjoy some Nightwish. :)


Sunday, November 21, 2010

Sunday Stealing....

Sunday Stealing: Questions a la Randomness, A Meme

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?: Milk.

How late did you stay up last night and why?: On Friday, 8 AM... which technically was Saturday morning. Having an unpleasant conversation and some crying. Then got up at 1 pm Saturday afternoon to get ready for work. I'm going to sleep after I finish this, probably but it's almost 5 AM Saturday night/Sunday morning. And I'm up this late because I have a lot on my mind and can't sleep. :/

If you could move somewhere else, would you?: Yes. Definitely. I dislike my current living situation and cannot wait until I can afford to move else where.

Have you ever been kissed under fireworks?: Yes. It's really not that big of a deal for me, honestly. I don't get what's special about it.

Do you believe ex’s can be friends?: Depends on how things ended and why. I still have an ex from when I was 17 that I'm friends with. We do fine but we were better friends before we dated, same stood for after, lol.

When was the last time you cried really hard?: Friday, Saturday. I don't cry often honestly but when I do? Sheesh.

What items could you not go without during the day?: Food, water. :D I would hate to be without my cell phone, too. I could deal with it for the day if I had to. I'd also hate to be without music and tea as well for a day.

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?: My grandpa.

How do you feel about your life right now?: Mostly, I'm happy. Just lately... well. Some areas need some work. :/

If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?: Messages! :p

Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?: Of course.

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?: No, haha. And I'm fine with that. I don't fancy being lied to. :)

Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m.: who do you want it to be?: Publisher's Clearing House telling me they're about to give me an obscene amount of money which would excuse them from being dubbed creepy for knocking on windows at 2 AM.

Do you think too much or too little?: Too much at times and too little at others.

Do you believe in fairy tales?: Nope.

Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?: I probably have at some point in my life. I was also probably drunk during this occurrence.

What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?: 10 years.

Have you ever been on a blind date?: NO.

Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?: Yes.

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?: Hmm... yes, he was a teacher. Not one of mine but still, a teacher.

What song do you want played at your funeral?: I don't know.

Would you tell your parents if you were gay?: My mom knows I'm bisexual so I imagine if I were homosexual, she would know about it.

What would your last meal be before getting executed?: Never ending soup, salad and breadsticks from Olive Garden. They'll keep serving me, I'll keep nibbling and there we go; beat the system.

Do you walk around the house naked?: No... but I don't live alone. When I had my own place I did from time to time.

What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?: Lock the door. :D Aside from that? It varies. If I have bags from the grocery store, I go to the kitchen to sit them down. If I have bags from else where, I go to the appropriate room to sit them down. If I have to pee, I haul ass to the bathroom. If I'm thirsty, I get a drink. Like I said, varies. I never do the same thing in a row once I lock the door, lol. I'm not a very routine kind of person.

Who is the person you can count on the most?: Myself.

What is your favorite Holiday?: Halloween.

Would you ever get plastic surgery?: No.

Have you ever caught a fish?: Yes.

What is the first thing you notice about people?: It varies, lol. Sometimes hair, sometimes clothes, sometimes height, sometimes makeup, sometimes their body language. It's never the same all the time.

What is the farthest you’ve been from home?: Far.

How did you meet your spouse or significant other (or most recent one)?: By saying hi.

Where was the last place you drove (other than home/school/work)?: Grocery store for some ice cold milk for my cereal. Mmm.

Unrelated to this post, here's a video. It's lovely. The music, not the "video" itself, lol.

Happy Sunday, y'all!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Berating employees is bad form, yo.

"Hey store manager in the loud tie, scolding an employee in front of other employees & customers is unprofessional. No need to make a scene."

I tweeted that
on Tuesday. I was in a store getting a few essentials. I was waiting in line for the self check because the other lines were ridiculously long. The employee at the station was standing at her little podium helping answer questions about coupons for a little elderly woman. One of the store managers came up after the woman walked away and started bitching out the employee for not stamping something the way she was supposed to on some form. He went on about how this makes the third time he had corrected her on it, why couldn't she remember something so simple when she could handle more difficult tasks with no issues, how many more times should he tell her before he just gives up on her ability to get it right, she's lucky she won't be getting a disciplinary write up over this, she needs to try harder to be a better employee, she needs to get her head out of the clouds and pay more attention to the small things because they're important to... and, well, you get the idea. The employee did a lot of nodding and looking down at her feet while her boss bitched her out. Loudly. In front of customers and other employees.

I HATE when I see shit like that. It's uncalled for. There's no reason to cause a scene like that. It's embarrassing for the employee. It makes you look like a huge asshole. (True colors shining through maybe?) It's awkward for some people who just get to stand there and go on about their business trying to act like nothing is going on out of the ordinary. And most of all, it's unprofessional.

I work a management position in my current job. We have a small staff of employees because it's a small, independently owned restaurant that's 3 months old and we're not in need of a very big staff yet. It's not my first time in a management position either.

Current job and passed management jobs included....

You want to know how many times I've had an employee royally piss me off because of something they did or said? Or something they didn't say or do? Or anything else?

COUNTLESS TIMES. At my current job alone, one particular guy just pisses me off on a regular basis with his carelessness and lazy attitude.

Want to know how many times I've bitched at an employee in front of customers or other employees?


In my opinion, you don't do that shit. If you have a problem with one of your workers, take them aside and privately let them know what the problem is. You don't have to act like you're they're best friend and try to coddle them while you lay out the problem and what you expect to be done about it but there are professional ways to handle things. Berating them in front of a crowd isn't the way to handle it in my opinion. Embarrass them, make them feel awkward and treat them like shit and they won't respect you and won't want to listen to you thus making you that much more frustrated with them.

I have a bit of a temper on me. I'm on the hot headed side and I admit that. I still don't yell. I get frustrated as hell sometimes. It's hard not to when you're managing a group of people and some of those people like to push buttons, like to slack off, like to not do things they're supposed to because they don't want to, etc. When I get really mad about something, I calm down, then I talk to the employee that needs talking to. In private, away from everyone else.

I know some people get in management positions and they turn into assholes. Oooh, you have some power now. They're special now. They can tell you what to do now. You have to listen to anything they have to say. Blah blah power trip blah blah.

Some people just get enjoyment out of belittling other people. Maybe they're just pathetic and enjoy it. Maybe it makes them feel better about themselves. Maybe there are other reasons behind it.

Some people just have a bad day and too much shit builds up until they snap then take it out on someone. Anyone. Whomever pisses them off at the wrong moment.

Still, all of those reasons are bullshit. You don't treat people that way.

This concludes my rant for today. Seems like I've been doing a bit of ranting lately, lol. On the bright side, at least I'm finding some free time to blog? Right? Right?! Right. :D

Happy Thursday!

P.S. There's totally still plenty of time to go donate to the Toys for Tots fundraiser, y'all! :)

P.P.S. My boyfriend and Little Sister will be seeing the new Harry Potter tonight at a special showing at 7 PM. Be jealous. :D I am, since I wanted to go too but have to work instead, haha.

P.P.P.S. Stars play the Sharks tonight. GO STARS!!!!!

P.P.P.P.S. I'm done now, lol. Bye! :D