Monday, August 31, 2009

Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader....

I've been sick the last few days but I started feeling better last night around 1 AM. I wasn't sleepy just yet because I'd been sleeping so much the last few days. Instead of getting on Twitter, DeviantArt, MySpace or some other amusing yet time wasting website; I decided to get online and do some job applying. I've been unemployed for what, 6 weeks now? It feels MUCH longer and it's driving me nuts. I hate being unemployed. I hate not having cash coming in and more importantly, I hate the unproductive feelings of just being at home all the time.

Anyway, I go through the listings and write down several bars and restaurants that have ads up looking for help, making sure I get the phone numbers and the email address to send a resume to. I clicked around some more and found some other listings that looked promising and saved those too. I can't do any calling at 2 AM but I wanted to have them for Monday morning/afternoon.

Then I did a few where they had online applying. I did one that was easy as hell and I applied online in 10 minutes. I made sure I had the business phone number so I could call and check at a later date. Then I browsed for two minutes and found another appealing one, which I could only apply online for. It was a waitress job but they had listed that they only did online apps now as a way to rule out paper apps and become more environmentally friendly. Whatever, I breezed through it in 15 minutes and I was on to looking for more.

I then found another company I wouldn't mind working for and three of their local stores each had openings in their stores for something. The way they have it set up, you can apply at 3 different locations and apply for 3 positions doing one application. I'm thinking, 'hell yeah, I wouldn't mind working here and they start with decent pay plus I can apply for 3 different locations at once so right on!'. Not only was I able to apply at three locations at once, I got to pick 3 open positions I was interested in for each location. So, I was applying for 9 positions in one application. Cool stuff right there.

So, I started the application and filled in all my basics which took about 10 minutes. Then I had to read through a few agreements about background check, drug testing and stuff like that and agree to the terms. Sounds good, that took about 15 minutes. After I confirmed all that, it informed me the rest of the app would take about 45 minutes to get through 4 more sections. I get through most it in about 30 minutes then I get to the 3rd section, verify everything there which only took an additional 5 or 6 minutes. Then I go to the last page of the the 3rd section where it asks if I need to go back and change anything. I'm excited now because I know I'm almost done. I'm sick of reading and clicking, clicking and typing, trying to remember dates and etc etc etc. I grin and click "no change" and then happily hit the "next section" icon to get to the 4th and final section. It starts processing and then BAM, what do I get?


There's no way to save the application. Some online things (like for Target) offer where you can save an online app session up to 48 hours so you can complete it in more than one shot if you need to. When I have the option to do that when applying online, I usually do it. Not because I think I won't have time but just in case something happens (laptop dies, loss of internet connection, website goes down, etc) that way I can go back to it without having to start completely over. It takes a bit more time saving it every few steps but it has come in handy several times. This is one of those times that function would have come in handy.

This one though, while it had the awesome capability to apply to many of the company locations that were located near me, didn't have the feature to save my progress. No such luck there. Now, I'll need to start all over with this one later. And I probably will because it's a place I tend to go to on a regular basis and I would benefit from getting hired there for more than just a paycheck. Plus, they start at a nice rate of pay that would make up for me not working a tipped job and unlike my tipped job, they offer benefits after 3 months. So, it's worth applying for again. Just this time, it'll be in the afternoon, lol.

I had been half ass listening to the television when it was on last night while I was reading and on Twitter. On whatever show it was, the guy spoke English with no accent or speech impediments whatsoever. He said "Fact or Fiction" but I misheard it as "Backdoor Fiction" some how. I know he said "Fact or Fiction" because he said it again moments later after the question had been answered already. Ah, fact versus fiction is always interesting. However, my way sounds more interesting in a dirty fun way. ;)

You have to watch this video and listen to the song. It's absolutely ridiculous but I love it. It's been a favorite song of mine for several years now. I even have a ringtone I got my boyfriend to make me a year or so ago of the chorus of this song, lol. Of course that I find it so amusing says a little something about the kind of sense of humor I have.

Just because the first one is ridiculous (but awesome) Musical Monday... Just because I love/adore Chester Bennington of Linkin Park. His current side project is Dead By Sunrise and this is a song by them.

Sunday, August 30, 2009


My friend asked me to do something for her. She cheated on her boyfriend several times with the same guy. When her guilt finally became too much, she quit cheating. Then, she was scared her boyfriend had been cheating on her because if she did it, who says he hasn't? So, she got paranoid and started taking every little thing out of proportion. They started fighting more due to her newly established suspicious nature. She doesn't have the balls to tell him she cheated though she wants him to know so he can leave her or they can work through it. She told me she wanted me to tell him for her. To make up a story about how she let me have her myspace password to go tweak her profile layout since she has trouble doing it. Then I got nosy and decided to go read through her messages. In doing that, I found messages between her and another guy that proved she had been fucking around with this guy. That was the story she came up with and wanted me to tell her boyfriend. That way, he would confront her and she wouldn't have to be the bigger person and initiate the conversation. I told her I wouldn't do it. I told her I would not assuage her guilt. I told her to grow a fucking pair and own up to what she had done if she couldn't bear the guilt anymore. I told her I would not help make this easier on her because she didn't deserve to have it made easier on her. Her boyfriend did not abuse her verbally or physically. Her boyfriend in fact supports her emotionally as well as physically. He also pays half of her bills as she can only work part time with her hectic college schedule. Her excuse for cheating on him was that she doesn't see him much because he works two jobs and they only get three nights a week together. His one job was enough to support him and have some extra to play on. He took on a second job so he could afford to help her because he thinks that after three years together that this is the girl he is going to marry one day. If he weren't paying her car payment, car insurance payment, helping pay her student loans and paying her part of the rent, he wouldn't even need a second job and thus they would have more time together. Since I refused to make her confession easier on her by being the bearer of bad news, she hasn't talked to me in almost a month now.

I've been sick the last few days but after 14 hours of medicated sleep (not consecutive, I woke up several times to take more medicine, drink some fluids and pass back out) I was awake for a while and not going back to sleep anytime soon. I propped up in my bed with my laptop and turned on a movie last night. I did something I hardly remember to do and signed into one of the instant messenger services I use. Within a couple minutes, she sent me an IM to see if I would change my mind. The "guilt is reaching unbearable levels" and she doesn't know how much longer she can handle agonizing over if he's cheating on her or not, if he secretly knows or not, etc etc etc. I told her again that I would not do it. She pleaded with me, telling me I was the only person who knew and that she couldn't believe I wouldn't help her in her desperate time of need. I told her I refused to be put in the middle of her mess and that I didn't care what kind of a guilt trip she pulled, I wasn't helping her out with this one. I said I was a bitch. I informed her that I already knew that but thanked her for the reminder, as if I needed one. She told me to fuck off and then signed off the messenger service.

Her boyfriend, while I think he's a great guy, isn't a friend of mine. I don't honestly care for him much and he doesn't care for me much. Though I can unbiasedly look at everything he's done for my friend and how well he treats her and say that he's not a bad guy. Just not someone I get along with. I do believe he deserves to know my friend cheated on him but I'm not going to be the one to tell him that. He loves her as much as any person can love another. He not only loves her but he cares deeply for her, adores and respects her. I know when she finally busts because she won't be able to stand it anymore, he's going to be crushed. I'm not going to be the one to crush and hurt him. I'm not going to make it easier on her just because she's too chickenshit to own up to her mistake fully. It's not my place to get in the middle of things going on in their relationship and be the one to tell him. No way, not going to happen.

Does that make me a bitch? Maybe. Depends on your perspective and where you stand on things. I don't think it makes me a bitch at all.

Do I care one way or another if anyone else thinks I'm being a bitch? Nope, not at all. =o) There's no way I'll be changing my mind, no matter what she says. She can't use any guilt trip because I don't feel the slightest bit guilty by refusing to give her an easier way out. I'm not easily swayed and
I stand very strong in my decisions once I decide on something.

Now, back to my DayQuil and disgusting cough drops.

Happy Sunday y'all!

Friday, August 28, 2009


No Incubus post today, sorry. If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen me talking about my boyfriend being sick. Despite taking Airborne like an addict and pounding back medicine, I still managed to get sick. So I feel like shit today. I was going to still do the post but it requires more energy than I have to spare.

On a fun note, the lovely and very cool Vixen featured me in her Friday Favorite's post this week featuring a few of her favorite half naked images from this week. Which is totally cool because she always picks photos that I think are just damn gorgeous and I always grin when I see she's picked one of mine. Thanks doll. ;)

Here are a few music videos. First one is "Perfect Skin" by The 69 Eyes. The second is by Blindspott and the third is by Embodyment, both titled "Yours Truly". I don't imagine most of y'all will dig it but some of you might, lol.

If I feel better after much sleep and medication, I'll post a Saturday Survey tomorrow. If not, sorry and maybe next week. ;)

Happy Friday y'all!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Gonna take you for a ride...

I love when I come home and see a box from the awesome people at Eden Fantasys waiting for me. I know something fun is waiting for me inside that box and I open it as soon as I get back into the bedroom. I opened my most recent box and found Couples Vacation Pleasure Kit staring up at me.

The kit includes a multi-speed vibrator, a multi-speed egg with remote control, duo weighted vaginal balls, two stretchy silicone cock rings and a pretty matching pink velvet storage bag to hold each of the toys. I pulled everything out and gave it my usual once over. The vibrator is a hard plastic coated with TPR Silicone which gives it a delicious smooth feeling. Just rolling it around in my hands felt lovely. I cleaned everything and then got set up in the bedroom to play. I checked the toys out and found that the remote control for the bullet runs on AA's. No problem, I have PLENTY of AA batteries in the nightstand.
The vibe on the other hand runs on 2 C batteries. I had to run to the store and buy batteries for it since I don't keep C's on hand for anything. Then back home, loaded the batters and then I got out my favorite water based lube and got down to business.

The vibrator is a nice size at 8" in length, 1 1/4" in diameter and 4 1/4" in circumference with a long smooth shaft that ends in a pointed tip. It's hard and not pliable at all. You control the speed of the vibrations with the dial base. I put some lube on the toy and myself and slowly worked it into my pussy. I didn't turn it on yet, just used the toy to get my pussy opened up. At first, the pointed tip annoyed me a little bit. It felt a little too pointy and was a little uncomfortable for the first couple minutes. I'm not sure how but after a few more minutes of use, the point stopped being uncomfortable and started feeling quite nice. I twisted the dial base to start the vibrations and left it on a lower setting. The toy was quiet and the low vibrations felt nice. I like a strong vibration so I turned it about halfway and played for a couple minutes. Still rather quiet and the vibrations felt very nice and evenly distributed through the whole toy. I turned it up to full speed and wow, it felt fabulous. Nice strong vibrations and still not that noisy. It was a little loud but pulling the blanket on the bed over my lap muffled the noise enough that I could barely hear it. I turned on the TV at a low volume and then I couldn't hear it any more at all. Though I could definitely still feel it. ;)

The egg is also plastic coated with TPR Silicone. It's 2 1/2" in length and is connected to a multi-speed control pack by a pretty lengthy cord. It has 4 speeds and you control the speeds by the two arrow buttons on the control pack. Each level lights up with a red light. The egg is quite smooth and I decided to pull the vibe out and tried the bullet on it's own. I inserted the bullet to where it would vibrate against my clit and then clicked on the first speed setting. It was a nice gentle vibration that felt very good. At this point, my boyfriend finally came into the bedroom to see what I was up to. He grinned and I handed him the bullet remote. He cycled up to the second speed as soon as he had it in his hand. A little stronger, I would rate it as a 4 on a vibration scale of 1 to 10. He watched me squirm for a minute before switching it to the third setting. Holy fuck, those were good vibrations. Those were the perfect vibrations for me. I almost couldn't take them but they were just on that edge of amazing and too much. He switched up to the fourth and final setting and those were intense. I couldn't handle them directly on my clit or even around my clit honestly. It was too much power for me. We switched back down to the third setting and I relaxed back down from the intensity of the last setting. The egg is insanely quiet, even on the fourth and highest setting. You don't need any background noise to muffle the sound, it's quiet enough on its own.

The two silicone cock rings are 3/4" in diameter and the product description says they stretch to fit 1 1/2". The description also boasts about them being super stretchy and having the ability to accommodate most sizes. Both rings have a unique
textured surface. The one to the left is a spiked/tentacle like texture. The one on the right has the four little knob like features.

I will agree that they are definitely both super stretchy. However, I can't attest to how well they work. I checked the size of the cock rings and thought they would fit. We have several and one of them is a similar size to the two in this kit. The cock ring with the spikes was the one I was more interested in trying. Sadly, my boyfriend couldn't fit that one or the other one. Both were too tight for him and caused him massive discomfort and were removed immediately once they became painful. They do look like fun and they are stretchy. We got the rings on his cock and he was able to get an erection, just couldn't leave them on because once he was hard, he was in pain. We also couldn't get his balls in them at all so this discomfort was just from being around his cock. I won't give out numbers but trust me when I say he has a bigger girth than the average male does. I'm pretty sure these would work well for most guys. I'm a little sad we couldn't have fun with them though.

The weighted duo balls are 4 ¼" around and have a retrieval cord. I wasn't sure how sturdy the retrieval cord was even though the packaging talked it up. I pulled and jerked the cord around and it seemed more sturdy than I had thought.

I've been curious about balls like these but have yet to try them. They can be used to exercising your pelvic muscles or for fun times. Kegel exercises while getting pleasure? I was skeptical. I lubed up and carefully inserted the balls into my pussy. I found it was much easier to get them in standing up versus sitting or laying down. I'll admit, the first thing I did after I got them in was to squeeze
my PC muscles and then jump up and down, lol. As I jumped up and down, I felt the weights in the balls roll around. It felt pretty good too. I was amazed at the unique feeling, at first. I walked back and forth, did some jumping jacks, did the electric slide, tried a few yoga poses and did a few ballerina style twirls. With every move I made, the weights in the balls rolled around causing gentle vibrations. I left them in for about thirty minutes. I felt uncomfortable sitting down with them inserted. Laying down wasn't uncomfortable though.

I also used the duo balls during play. The product description said you could use the balls vaginally or anally. I do enjoy anal play but I wasn't honestly interested in inserting these balls up my butt. I inserted the balls into my pussy and laid down on the bed. We out the bullet against my clit while having the balls inserted. I squeezed and worked my PC muscles as the bullet vibed around my clit. The gentle vibrations from the duo balls paired with the buzzing of the bullet felt wonderful. As I was getting close to climaxing, my boyfriend gently removed the balls out of my vagina. The first slid out as I reached climax and the second slid out as I was in mid-climax. It was a great, great orgasm.

We inserted the egg into my pussy and cycled through the settings again. I could handle the fourth setting inside my pussy and didn't find it near as intense there. Though it was still a very pleasant feeling.

We also used the egg anally. I could handle all levels of vibration there too and it felt nice. The bullet is big enough that it feels snug in the anus but it's not big enough to be any kind of uncomfortable at all.

We also placed the bullet under Boyfriend's testicles while I played with his cock. He enjoyed the sensations of his testicles vibrating while my hands and mouth worked over his cock.

We went through several toy combinations as well. The egg in my ass, the vibrator teasing my clit, the duo balls inside my pussy. I didn't like using the vibrator teasing my clit because of the pointed tip. It just didn't feel good there.

The egg teasing my clit, the vibrator in my pussy; my boyfriend in control of the strength of the vibrations and the thrusting of the vibrator. I love that because I have no control over the speed, the intensity or anything really. Of course, I trust my boyfriend not to do anything to cause me pain which is why I relinquish control to him. The vibrator at it's highest level of vibration and the egg teasing my clit was insanely delicious. I came in a little less than two minutes.

The egg in my ass, the vibrator filling my pussy. Double penetration is one of my biggest fantasies. The small size of the bullet and the fact that it just sits there and doesn't thrust doesn't quite match the fantasy BUT having both holes filled and vibrating was intense. In a very good way.

The vibrator in my ass, the balls in my pussy and the egg alternating between teasing against my clit and buzzing against my hard nipples. I didn't like the vibrator in my ass. I decided to try it anyway but I don't like having hard non-pliable toys in my ass. I prefer something with more bend.

IF you do try to use the vibrator anally, do it carefully. There is no flared base so it could easily end up going too far up and that's not a place you want to lose something. Make sure to keep a good grip on the base of the toy.

The only place I really enjoyed the vibrator was in my pussy. I did enjoy using it on my boyfriend to tease him and massage sensitive areas. It did feel good teasing the tip along my outer lips and against my nipples as well.

My favorite thing in this kit by far was the remote control bullet. I love how quiet it is and I love the vibrations. I can use it to tease, tantalize, arouse and give pleasure to myself and my boyfriend in a wide variety of ways. We've also used it during sex. He can feel me vibrating as he thrusts inside of me and has fun teasing me by changing the level of vibrations whenever he feels like it.

Everything in the kit is waterproof which is helpful for cleaning. The vibrator can be taken into the shower for shower time fun or into the hot tub to make things more interesting. The egg is waterproof but the power pack is not so be mindful of that when cleaning. I used warm water and soap cleaning the toys thoroughly and then dried them off with a soft cloth.

The velvety pouch fits all the items snugly inside and closes by drawstrings. Makes it very convenient for travel. It also helps for discreetly storing the toys at home. If you have a small container of lube (2.5 ounces or smaller) it will also fit in the bag with all of the toys.

After using the duo weighted balls every day for just over a week, we both noticed a slight difference. I will keep on using them and if my muscles continue to improve, I've update the review with a follow up on Eden Fantasys on my partner profile.

The only bummer was the cock rings not working out but that's not at any fault of the rings themselves. The vibrator had great vibrations and is only slightly loud at it's maximum setting. The egg has wonderful vibrations and is super quiet. The duo weighted balls are interesting and I'll have fun with them. Now I have a basis to go on when I look for new ones. Based on these simple ones, I definitely want to get a better set of weighted balls to play and exercise with.

We had fun with this kit and will definitely be having fun with it more in the future. It's also rather inexpensive considering everything you get in it. Great for beginners or people who just want to have some fun together. The battery operated toys are also fun as hell for solo use as well. ;)

product picture
Vibrator kit by Nasstoys
Material: Plastic / TPR Silicone

Monday, August 24, 2009

Fire burning on the dance floor...

Tomorrow I have a new review that I'll be posting. If you click the link, you can see a picture of the 5 things that I got to play with for this review. I had a little frustration with a couple of the things in that picture but for the most part...Well, you'll have to come back tomorrow and find out the details. Anyway, I wanted to have it up today but I got stuck on it yesterday. I couldn't word anything like I wanted to and I was getting frustrated so I just backed away and plan on finishing it today.

I decided that once in a while, I'm going to post random text messages between my friends and I. I posted a few because of a question in my most recent Saturday Survey & I realized I get some silly, random, weird, funny text messages. Why not share? ;)

1. "Next time I play Guitar Hero w/him & we dual against one another & make a cash bet on who will win, Im gonna play in my sexy underwear. He will be so distracted by my naked ass & lace thong that Ill win & he will have to pay me back what I lost last bet LOL" - - From my guy friend, Fangs.

2. "Dont say ur that word! Discombobulated sounds like a dance move u do to The Bee Gees at a Disco. I cant deal with the mental image of u as a Disco Diva shakin ur groove thing to The Bee Gees on a light up dance floor under a disco ball." - - From Vanilla Coke.

I figured I would just save the ones that amuse me or that I feel like sharing in my phone and then when I get a good amount, I'll type them out here and share them. Should be fun though. My friends and I talk about interesting things. =o) Sometimes.

Also, I think I'll start randomly hiding pictures in my posts. Sometimes of me, sometimes of random stuff.

I got tagged! Naughty Eliot tagged me with the Honest Scrap.


First, link back to the person who gave you the award.

Second, give the award to ten other bloggers.

1. You
2. You
3. You
... See a pattern here? I don't want to tag anyone specifically because I know quite a few of you have done it but if you haven't and want to, please do! Don't forget to comment so I can come check out what you put up if you do it.

Finally, list ten honest things about myself!

1. I love the way most sunblock smells. Banana Boat Sport and Coppertone.

2. I love San Francisco, CA. I don't know why but I feel happy for no reason at all when I'm there. I've never lived there but I feel so at home roaming around the streets and hanging out anywhere in SF.

3. In the last week, I've sent and received a total of 523 text messages. I thankfully have unlimited text and unlimited multimedia. I text so much because I've moved a lot and have a lot of friends all over the place and it's actually cheaper to text a lot as opposed to having daily phone chats. 129 of those text messages were multimedia messages where I sent pictures from my phone to either my email or my MySpace account.

4. When I'm tired and can't sleep, I have several things I do. One, I grab a book and start reading. Often, I pick an Edgar Allen Poe book out and read a few poems. Or, I turn on my iPod and turn on a playlist I made of songs that relax me. Other times, I'll play my Nintendo DS. I'll play a mindless game and zone out which usually makes me sleepy. Other times, I write or draw. If none of that works, I just get up and find something to do to get myself tired. Luckily, I run very well off little sleep.

5. I love Twitter. It gives me a way to chat with people I like through out the day, see what they're up to, find out odd random little facts about them, etc.

6. I think Masuimi Max really hot and her tattoos are pretty awesome.

7. The movie Happy Feet always cheers me up. I love penguins; real and animated.

8. Saturday night (August 22nd) was one of the best nights I've ever had. I got to finally see my favorite band of 10 years for the first time ever. I also got upgraded to better, uh, seats but I'll save the details for the post I'm writing about the concert which I'm posting Wednesday.

9. Where I live now, we only have regular ol' television. Just your basic few channels full of network TV. Boring. I miss having Discovery Channel, History Channel, Travel Channel, A&E, Animal Planet and NHL Network to watch. I was spoiled by satellite and also, I just can't stand the majority of shows that come on TV. I hate reality shows and I don't like much else. I do LOVE House, Two and a Half Men, The Big Bang Theory and Family Guy though.

10. I LOVE dancing. I often dance around the kitchen when I'm cooking dinner or dance around in the bedroom when I'm back there by myself. I also dance in the shower sometimes too. I always have a song stuck in my head so I always have music to move with.

I have two videos I'm posting for Musical Monday.

First, is the new song by a band I've liked for 8 years, Breaking Benjamin. I wanted to post this last week but the official video didn't come out until 3 days ago so I had to wait. Though there were already videos by fans on YouTube, lol.

Breaking Benjamin - I Will Not Bow - Official Music Video (HQ)

Second, "Dig" by Incubus. Out of 7 CD's, this is one of my absolute favorite songs by them. I listen to it and I feel positive emotions swelling inside me until I want to just burst out laughing. I love love love this song. Aaaand they played it on Saturday night too. *happy sigh* I don't go all fan girl on here ever because well, I don't turn into a gushing fan girl over most bands, singers, actors, etc. I turn into a total fan girl over Incubus though. Which will be more apparent when I post about the concert on Wednesday.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Yank it like a monkey in a mango tree!

Saturday Survey #6969
Brought to you by: Amorous Rocker ;)

What do you think of people who fuck a lot of different people and never have serious relationships?
As long as they're being safe, not cheating on anyone, lying/mind-fucking to get it and they're happy doing it; whatever. =o)

What do you look for in a significant other physically and character trait wise?
Intelligent, tall, dark hair, nice lips, broad shoulders, sense of humor, honest, into sports, into cars, big cock, has their own car, has a job, open-minded, adventurous, good communicator, fun loving, loyal and some other stuff.

What are some lyrics to the song you're listening to/last song you heard?
"Swimming through the ashes of another life, no real reason to accept the way things have changed, staring down the barrel of a .45" I fucking love Shinedown.

Lets get nosy, what do your three most recent text messages say?
Luckily my cell phone is in my lap so I won't skip this one, lol.

1. "What selfish stupid moron did what?"
2. "I had a lot of fun tonight. Lets do it again soon, k?"
3. "Hey wanna go to Sat night and see some titties? Titties and ass! Smack that ass! OOOOH TIT-IES!! LOL IM DRUNK!"

Has an ex ever wanted you back after they broke up with you?
I've never been broken up with. I had one want me back after I broke up with him though.

Do you fall for "players" ever?
Nope. I always see through that shit.

Has the last person you texted ever seen you totally naked before?
HELL NO. Last person I sent a text to was like five minutes ago to Little Sister.

Would you cry if your ex boyfriend died ?
I wouldn't know if he died since we don't keep in touch and don't have mutual friends anymore. I doubt I would anyway honestly.

Name a person that you instantly smile when you see they're calling?
A few honestly. People I love make me smile.

Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader?
Lol! No. I played hockey, softball, basketball, track/field & volleyball.

What's the last thing to make you laugh?
Two and a Half Men.

What's on your mind right now?

Want something you can't have?
World domination. ;)

Something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
A few things. I don't like talking about them so why would I post them here? =)

What color is your shower curtain?
No shower curtain.

Do you find the naughty school girl outfit hot?
Depends on the personality of the girl wearing it. Usually it's pretty hot though. =)

Have you ever put peanut butter on an Oreo cookie before?
Yes. LS loves that shit and got me try it one time. Wasn't terrible.

Between you and your current significant other, who is more adventurous and spontaneous?
Definitely me.

Between you and your current significant other, who is more willing to try new things?

Between you and your current significant other, who is more impulsive?
Me, no contest, lol. Boyfriend isn't impulsive at all. Which balances out some of my impulsiveness since he can talk sense into me from time to time.

Between you and your current significant other, who is more loud and talkative?
I am!

Between you and your current significant other, who is more stubborn?
Oooh... I think we're pretty even on that, lol.

Between you and your current significant other, who initiates sex more often?
I do. =)

Does your current significant other snore?
Not often.

Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
Yeah, hate that.

What size shoe do you wear?
9 or 10, depends on the brand.

Do you have hardwood floor, carpet or something else as flooring in your bedroom?
Hardwood floor.

What are your three favorite things to do when hanging out at home with your significant other?
1. Fuck.
2. Watch movies.
3. Sit and talk while drinking, listening to music or sitting outside soaking up the night air.

Do you like clothes shopping or grocery shopping better?
Grocery shopping. I hate clothes shopping.

What was the last thing you were annoyed about?
Oh that's too a long, long, LONG story. =/

Are any of your friends taller than you?
Most of the guys are, most of the girls aren't.

Do you crack your knuckles?

Spell your name without an L:
There's no L in Amorous Rocker ;)

When was the last time you were told you were cute?
A few hours ago. My boyfriend tells me I'm cute, pretty, beautiful and what not daily.

What usually wakes you up in the morning?
An alarm clock or a need to urinate.

Would you rather go to the movies or go bowling?
Depends on my mood.

Has anything happened in the past month that made you really mad?
Uh yeah. Things have happened in the last 24 hours that have pissed me off. I so want to punch a bitch in her selfish, stupid face but I won't. Though, I REALLY want to.

Do you prefer pie or cake?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

How Important Is Sex....

NOTES: This post is extremely long. It's emotional and parts of it were hard for me to write but in having to re-do the "How Important Is Sex Or Lack Of To You In A Serious Relationship" post, I decided to work it from a very personal angle. To do that, I decided to share quite a bit of history with y'all in order to do this. This includes some things about me that I have never wrote about, some things that I've never even discussed with good friends of mine. If you want to skip to the "HIISOLOTYIASR" part, find this to mark the beginning of that post. HNT is at the bottom. I would really appreciate if y'all didn't skip the meat of the post though as I put a lot into it.

In March of 2005, when my boyfriend was 19, he had a stroke. I didn't know him when it happened.He had gone to school to be an auto mechanic and already had a job working for an auto repair business. He loves cars and he was thrilled he could make a living doing something he loved. After the stroke, he couldn't work on cars any longer due to some medical issues he was left with as a result of the stroke. I met him shortly after. He was dealing with not being able to pursue the career he had wanted and been excited for. He was disappointed and sad. He was also confused about why a healthy 19 year old boy had a stroke in the first place. He saw doctors, he saw neurologists and they all did every test imaginable and not a single thing hinted at why a healthy 19 year old boy had a stroke. His neurologists wrote papers on him and used his case as an example of medical mysteries in a class he taught. He was lucky though, he was still walking and still alive. It could have been worse. He had to go on a couple medications and he did lose his peripheal vision and had a couple other issues. Other than that, he did well. Still, it was frustrating having doctors and specialists run countless tests on you only to find nothing wrong with you.

I met him in April of 2005, one month and two days after the stroke. He was tall, broad shoulders, full lips, had longish dark hair that curled and twisted at the ends and he resembled a young Bam Margera. I thought he was damn hot. He also had a 1986 red IROC Camaro which I thought to be pretty badass. We talked and we hit it off. The first night we met, we spent 9 hours talking and trying to find things we didn't have in common. I was hanging out with a guy friend that night but ended up giving all my attention to the 6'8" giant that I had so much in common with. Then, in early June of 2005 I decided to move to California, where my dad was living and had been living for a while. I had only known Boyfriend for 6 weeks but I felt like there was something special about him. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other in that time and I felt like I knew him better than I knew some of my friends. That wasn't enough at that point to keep me from moving to the west coast though. I kept in contact with Boyfriend and we got to the point where we were talking several times a day. Texting through out the day, talking for hours on the phone at night, chatting online when I couldn't be on the phone. In November of 2005, we were making fun of shirts on a website and I was joking about one that would be good for him. He made a smart ass remark that went along the lines of, "Well that means I'm in love with a..." and I just smartly replied back with a stunning, "huh?" Then he told me he was in love me with me. He was worried I'd think he was nuts because I hadn't known him long before moving. I asked if he was sure of that and he said he was. I didn't feel the same way but I liked him so much and cared a lot about him. I told him that and he asked if I would move back to Texas. I wasn't happy there. I was an assistant manager and working the night shift.

Then, in early 2006, I was closing up at work one night where I was an assistant manager. There was a female crew leader there and a male employee closing. I told her to take off because she was just standing there texting. I was doing a deposit and had to enter the information in and finish up. I had Jeremy there and she wasn't any help at all anyway. She finished texting, clocked out and left. Five minutes later, a huge 25 pound rock came crashing through the glass side door that I had locked up tight. If people want in, locks aren't an issue. A group of guys dressed completely in black from their ski masks down to their shoes came running in through the door and crunching over the broken glass. They were screaming and I didn't even realize two of them had guns and that I was about to be in an armed robbery until they were behind me, screaming at me to open the safe and give them the money. One of them stayed to the side waving his gun, screaming that if I didn't hurry that he'd kill me. Screaming out bitch, whore, you're going to die and tons of other shit. The one directly behind me had a gun aimed at my head. The guy next to him was yelling at me to hurry up as well. Two others had watch over Jeremy who was laying on the floor in the back with a gun aimed at him. Then the guy kneeling on the floor next to me, filling up the bag with the cash was trying to calm me down. He spoke to me nicely, calmly and told me to relax and just give them the money and they wouldn't hurt me. We had two safes. I had the top one open because I had been putting the cash drawers in when they came crashing through the doors. The bottom safe had documents and a cash box that had $100 in it. I was freaking out, scared out of my mind and I messed up the code to open the bottom safe. I tried a second time. The guy behind me pushed the gun hard into my head and told me not to fuck up again. I did. I had a third and last time to get it open and I couldn't do it. I was so scared I kept messing up the order of the numbers in the code. The guy knelt with me on the ground asked me how much was in there, I told him only $100 and nothing more. He told me to lay down, not look at them and stood up. They ripped the phone off the desk and out of the wall and dropped it down on me.
The crazy one to the side that had been cussing, screaming and waving his gun at me started screaming about my cell phone. One of them leaned down and checked my pockets and he told them I didn't have a phone on me. They glanced at the desk looking for it but it was hidden under a jacket I had sitting on a file cabinet. The calm one told them to forget it. The one that had been behind me with the gun told me to stay on the ground or he would shoot me if he saw me get up. I stayed laying on the ground, shaking and crying, absolutely terrified to move for ten minutes. It was so deathly quiet and I slowly got to my hands and knees and crawled along the ground to see if Jeremy was okay. He was laying face down on the floor with his hands behind his head. He looked up and saw me, stood up and asked if I was okay. He was totally and completely calm. Not shaken at all despite what had just happened. He pulled out his cell phone and called the police. I called my dad, who was also the supervisor/owner of the job I was working at the time. LS answered his cell phone and heard me, obviously shaken and crying, and ran the phone back to my dad to wake him up. I told him I got robbed at gun point and I told him Jeremy had already called the police. He told me to calm down and he would be there quickly. We only lived a few minutes away. On the way, he called our GM and woke him up to get him up there as well. My mom had came home in time to catch my dad going groggily out the door. He explained quickly and she decided she was going with him. I was afraid to be in front of the windows because I wasn't thinking clearly and thought for some reason the robbers might come back by. In a rational state of mind, I'd never think such a think but I was 20 and hugging the ground thankful they didn't deliver on their threats to shoot me. I did stand up finally and look out the windows. When I did, I yelped because I saw someone in all black clothes standing outside looking in. Jeremy grabbed me and told me it was just a cop. We looked around and the police were outside walking around. My parents got there shortly after the police did and I went to them and started crying all over again, trying to tell them what happened. I calmed down, got questioned by the cop. He was convinced it was an inside job and convinced I had had something to do with it. The cop that had gotten Jer's side of the story came over to talk to me and send the dickhead over to talk to Jeremy. He had apologized to me for the dick playing "bad cop" and said that he thought I was too shook up and too scared to be part of this. I told him my story. I told a third cop my story. They left me alone and I sat there waiting. Jer and mine had matching stories. I told Boyfriend about what had happened later and he was angry and wanted to come out to California and hurt people, lol. I took 6 days off work but I had to go back on the 7th. Not because they made me but because after several days of playing it all over in my head, I realized the cop had been right in saying it was an inside job. I realized who several of the masked robbers were too since I worked with them. The 3 guys I knew had been part of the robbers were working that Sunday as well as the dumb bitch crew leader who had cued them in after I sent her off that night. I wasn't ready to be back there but I wasn't going to let them win. I remember going to work that day and they were the only 4 who wouldn't look at me. The only 4 who wouldn't meet my eyes if they said something to me despite the fact that before hand, they were always very social and chatty with me. I chatted with all of them and asked them all why they wouldn't look at me. They all glanced at me slightly and then looked away, paying attention to work and giving me some bullshit and cracking a joke. For days after, those same 4 continued to avoid looking at me and avoid having to talk to me. They also worked damn well on my shift because they didn't want to have me bitching at them. I didn't close again after that night though. I went to mornings and became the opening manager. I got to work just before sunrise to open and I spent a lot of mornings, checking the doors and checking the mirrors. Having panic attacks when something popped when it shouldn't, when something metal fell off a shelf and fell noisily onto the tile floors in the back. Feeling anxiety when I saw the shadows of the homeless walking out of the darkness because all I could see in my head was dark silhouettes coming out and I didn't trust a single straggler out there not to be up to something. I was afraid to be alone. I was afraid of being outside by myself at dark. I had nightmares almost every night. I tried to fight against everything I was feeling and in that, I became so angry with myself. Angry because I had let a group of assholes have power over me and turn me into someone that jumped at shadows and strange noises. I became obsessed with checking the doors and windows at home. Making sure they were locked, making sure no one was outside trying to find their way in. The slightest noise would wake me up and I'd have to get up and creep around, making sure everything was okay. I could have seen a therapist and I wouldn't have had to pay for it nor would my family. I could have gotten therapy free to me but I couldn't go. I wouldn't go though part of me wanted to. I didn't see it as getting help. I saw it as being even more weak than I already felt like I was. I talked to Boyfriend instead. A lot. I told him about the nightmares, the panic attacks, the anxiety, the paranoia and how I was angry at myself. We talked about things a lot. He tried to encourage me to seek therapy but I wasn't having it. I was determined to work through it on my own. If I hadn't had him to talk to, I don't know what would have happened. I didn't even tell most of my friends about it and I didn't want to tell my family about all the thoughts and issues I was having. I was lucky to have him and he helped a lot. I got to where I wasn't scared to be at work though I was still far more alert than I had ever been before. I was still more suspicious of everyone than I had ever been before.

In June of 2006, I moved back to Texas with my mom and two youngest siblings. The night we pulled back into Dallas, boyfriend met us at IHOP. I hugged and kissed him in that parking lot and he smelled so good and felt so warm. I missed him and as we stood there kissing and giggling about how I wasn't allowed to move off anymore, I knew I was in love with him. I left with him that night and spent the night with him.

I spent a lot of time with him. He helped me more through things. I still had to obsessively check locks, doors, windows and outside surroundings.
I used to love being alone but at that point, I would go anywhere even when I didn't want to go as long as I wouldn't have to stay home alone. When we went out, I wanted to sit in places where I could see the doors and see who was coming through them. I had half a dozen or more other little things that had to be this way or that way and I probably would have driven most people nuts. He has dogs and when they would start barking for longer than a few seconds, I had to check and see what was going on. I didn't feel safe, I realized. I couldn't hear unfamiliar noises and not have my pulse speed up. One day, a friend of his that I had met and liked let himself in the house. I was in the bedroom in the back and I hadn't heard him come in. He decided it would be funny to scare/surprise me by sneaking up on me. He scared the hell out of me and I had a panic attack and almost took his head off in the process. He thought I was nuts and overreacting. My boyfriend explained to him in very short form why I had reacted that way, why I was still jumpy and anxious. He felt bad and apologized.

Jeremy had kept in contact with me up until Fall of 2006 via email and MySpace. I asked him one day if he felt the need to make sure I was okay was to ease his guilty conscious. I told him I knew he knew it was going to happen, which is why he was so calm and why they didn't pay much attention to him at all. He apologized to me and said he just needed to know I was okay and that I would continue to be fine. He didn't want to do it the way it went down, he said he felt weapons would be too much and threatening to kill me was too much. The others thought if I didn't fear for my life, I wouldn't cooperate given that I am such an outspoken, strong person. I might be outspoken, strong and have some stubborn pride but I'm also smart and wouldn't have given a group of guys any issues even without the weapons. It wouldn't be worth any harm they could do and I told him as much. He apologized a lot over the next month and I finally told him I was fine and to just leave me alone, to never contact me again for anything. He said he wasn't ready for that and that he still needed to check up on to make sure I stayed fine, to make him feel better about what they did. I didn't care about his guilt and doubted I could fix it. So I began to ignore him and eventually, he left me alone.

My boyfriend had to deal with my panic attacks, my anxiety, my freaking out over every little thing, the nightmares I had from time to time and the anger I felt towards myself. I finally told two of my friends what I was going through and I talked a little to them. My boyfriend was still the most help to me. I started drinking more than I already did. I wasn't an obsessive freak when I was drunk. So, I drank and I drank a lot. My boyfriend was patient with me most of the time and less patient with me the rest of the time. In my anger, I had gotten depressed and I began wishing that they had just shot me so I didn't have to exist anymore. I felt weak and felt like I was the only person to blame for my weakness. I felt dysfunctional and felt like I was a waste of skin, energy and life. I contemplated a little but I didn't want to die. So, I drank and I drank some more and once in a while, I popped pills while I drank.

I tried not to spend a lot of time at home with my family. I knew I was a mess and I didn't want them to see me that way. My mom knew I wasn't entirely me but she didn't know to what extent. A friend of mine contacted her and told her things I had confided in him. Something like an intervention happened with my boyfriend and my family. My mom was worried about my drinking and my well being. My boyfriend was worried about me. My siblings were worried about me. I got angry some more. Not at them though. Angry that I had let myself try to wash it all away with booze and not face the issues. My mom asked a lot of hard questions about my well being and where I was at mentally. The idea of therapy came up again and I wouldn't do it, again. I didn't want therapy.

My boyfriend was there for me while I tried to drink much less. I could drink this big bottle of rum by myself in one night over several hours and not have a hangover the next day. I wouldn't get sick that night. I wouldn't be black out falling down drunk. I would be drunk as fucking hell but I wouldn't be ill or hurting afterward. I had been drinking too much and I did need to cut way back.

A lot of work on my part and support on his (and some others as well) later and I was a mentally and emotionally healthier person. I'm still more wary and suspicious of people than most others are but I'll probably always be that way. I was always rather alert and aware of my surroundings but now I pay almost constant attention to what's going on around me and don't allow myself to get distracted. I always check to make sure everything is locked but I don't have to obsessively do it several times through out the day and night.

In February of 2008, my boyfriend had a second stroke. We had been laying in bed. I got up to go smoke a cigarette and he was working on getting up to do the same. I was waiting for him to get up and he started trying to get up, he couldn't move and when he did move up a little off the bed, he fell to the floor. I tried to help him up and asked him if he was okay. He was slurring and not making any sense. I got him up and was asking him what was wrong. He couldn't talk, he kept insisting he would be okay and he fell over again. I ran into the front room and got his mom. She came to the back of the house and checked on him. I said I was going to call 911. He tried to tell me he didn't need help, that he was fine. He kept trying to talk and I wasn't understanding him. He was confused and didn't understand when I tried telling him things. His mother called 911 and told them he was having a stroke and we needed an ambulance. I kept trying to talk to him, he tried pushing me away telling me he was fine. He tried to stand but couldn't move. He kept falling over and had trouble staying balanced enough to sit up straight on his bed. I was terrified he was going to die.

Paramedics arrived. He's 6'8" and not a skinny guy. He's not fat but he's a big guy. They had trouble getting him arranged because they were all barely taller than I am. He was still dazed and uncoordinated but they got him out and got him into the ambulance. One paramedic talked to his mom and she informed them of the medications he was on and a quick medical history including his last stroke. They had me ride in the ambulance with him so I could tell them what happened and so I could answer questions for him if I had to. I only had to answer a few questions and then he was able to talk well enough to talk to them. He didn't remember exactly what was going on though. I called my mom and told her what was going on. Her house was two hours away but her, LS, YB and my cousin (her sister and her family lived in the house next door to my mom's) ended up coming up there anyway and stayed for many hours while we waited to see if he would be okay or not. He had some friends who came to visit him as well.

He was in the hospital for quite a few days after that stroke. They, again, did tons of tests from A to Z and still couldn't find out what was wrong or what had caused him to have another stroke. He saw his neurologist again (he has to see him every few months to do blood work and make sure his medication dosage doesn't need to change) and nothing there either. No one can figure out why my pretty much healthy boyfriend has had two strokes.

This most recent stroke did mess a bit more up. In the hospital, he had friends that came to visit. He had no feeling in most of his left side. Chevelle needed to test the theory and decided to inflict pain on Boyfriend's left thigh. It didn't matter how hard he hit or what he did, Boyfriend didn't feel it. He would feel a faint pressure but nothing else. He would try to hold my hand with his left hand and then get upset, he could perform the function but couldn't feel my hand in his. He got out of the hospital and had to work on things. His doctors and neurologist told him he might be able to regain feeling in his left side but not to count on it. He had a medication he had to get shot with in the stomach. It bruised him horribly and I had to give the shots to him. I didn't mind giving the shots because he needed them and that kind of thing doesn't bother me. I hated seeing the bruises. I hated seeing him upset and frustrated with himself too. He didn't have a lot of control over his left arm and hand. He wouldn't use it at first. Then his neurologist told him he had to work it and had to use it to try and make it functional again. He had trouble doing things as simple as pouring a pitcher of water because he couldn't feel what he was doing, couldn't feel if he had a good grip on it, couldn't feel if he was lifting it or not. He had a little ball to work in his hand to do hand exercises with. He used it and hoped he would be able to feel again on his left side.

Currently, that hasn't changed much. His left leg and thigh are extremely sensitive to heat and cold. If I touch his leg or thigh with chilly hands, he jumps away because it's painful to him, like being stabbed in several places. Same goes for his arm. He did get some strength back in his left arm and he did practice things enough to get used to doing them again. He just has to be careful and pay more attention to what he's doing because he doesn't and won't ever have full use and normal feeling of his left parts again. There are other issues he has from that but I won't go into those.

I know this post is long enough as it is but all of this brings me to the point of sharing all this background. I've left out a lot of hard, trying things we've been through together because these are the biggest issues we've had to get each other through.

This is where I finally get to the "How Important Is Sex Or Lack Of To You In A Serious Relationship" part of the post. I know, you thought I would never get here.

A rather delicate result from Boyfriend's second stroke was that his ability to perform in bed was hindered. He has problems down south that he can't control and it results in us having sex quite a bit less than we used to. Now granted, we used to have sex every day no matter what and twice a day when time permitted and sometimes even three times a day. I like to fuck, a lot. No, we have sex when we can and sometimes that's once a week. I do play with toys, let him use toys on me and we fool around without sex for intimacy and orgasms. Masturbation, finger fucking, oral sex and toy fucking is fun and gets me off but it's not as good as fucking. It's not as close, not as intimate, not as raw and just not as good as the real thing. Having skin to skin contact, being as physically close and connected as you can be. Certain pills he could take that might work would clash with his medications that he has to take every day for the rest of his life to keep him alive and going. Life is more important than fucking.
So, I get frustrated at times even though I try not to. It isn't his fault and there's nothing we can do about it for the time being. I enjoy it when we can fuck and when we can't, well that's when the other stuff comes into play. This likely won't ever change either. Which is hard for me because I'll admit, I'm a slut and I might have a slight addiction to sex. I love sex and get physically frustrated, cranky, annoyed and even at times out right bitchy when I'm not getting a regular release. Since losing my virginity, I've never gone very long without getting sex regularly with guys and girls.

May 25th of this year was our 3 year anniversary of actually being together in a serious relationship. If you had told me four years ago when I first met him that I would enter into a relationship where I would only be able to have sex a few times a month, I wouldn't have been in that relationship. If you had told me three years and three months ago that this would happen, I would have probably stayed friends longer with Boyfriend instead of crossing that line with him. Sex was a huge part of my relationships then and not getting it more than a couple times a month would seem insanely unappealing to me.

Thankfully, I've grown up since then. Ask me now. How important is sex to me? Sure, it's important. Sure, it's great wonderful fun and I love it and crave it on a hourly daily basis. It's not more important than what I have with him though. It's not the end of the world because we can't fuck all of the time anymore. We can be intimate in more ways than that. We can still have fun. Yes, it gets frustrating for both of us but we deal with it. It's not the deal breaker that the younger me would have naively and shallowly taken it to be. I think intimacy and sex is an important part of a relationship. It would be nice if we could fuck each other silly all the time still. Intimacy isn't just about fucking though. It's about more than the act. It's feelings and emotions. It's physical closeness. It's cuddling. It's kissing. It's hands running up and down each others naked flesh. Kissing, tongues exploring each others mouths. Tongues gliding across skin licking, flicking and teasing.
Lips caressing necks, shoulders and every other inch of skin. Teeth biting, nibbling and grazing. Fingers and tongues sliding in and out of warm, wet places. There's more to intimacy than fucking and more ways to please, tease and pleasure each other.

The person that had originally offered to do this post with me backed out after it had been done. One question she asked me that I still want to use is, have I ever considered cheating on my boyfriend to get what I'm no longer getting from him?

I thought about that. I thought openly and honestly. I would never cheat. I have never cheated. I don't think it's right. I think if you're going to cheat, you might need to reevaluate the relationship you're in. I can confidently and 100% honestly say that I wouldn't cheat on him just because we aren't having sex as often.

Our relationship started off from mutual attraction, common interests and sexual tension. I wanted to fuck him silly shortly after meeting him but I didn't. I thought he wasn't interested in me but that's another story for another day. We've gone through so much in three years together. He's helped me overcome so many hurdles and has helped me calm down and mature a little bit. We've changed each other in ways that we didn't realize until afterward. We've gone through some storms and will probably go through more. We've so far survived and made it through everything I mentioned and everything that I didn't mention as well. We've been tempted and tested. We always come out on top. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life. When you look at all we've been through, all we share, the loyalty, the honesty, the laughs, the lust, the desire, the support, every good thing and every bad thing... sex isn't much in comparison to the love, loyalty, respect, encouragement, intimacy and support that he gives me.

If you and your current significant other found yourself in the position where you could only have sex two or three times a month, sometimes a time or two more and sometimes a time or two less; how big of a deal would it be to you?

Happy Thursday!!!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


Don't forget to scroll down to the next post and check out the COOLEST fucking sex blogger contest ever, courtesy of the lovely and wonderful Bad Bad Girl.

I was going to post the "How Important Is Sex Or Lack Of To You In A Serious Relationship" post today BUT... I was doing that post with another person. We collaborated on it together, it was rather long and our responses and thoughts were intermixed. She e-mailed me about an hour ago and told me she had changed her mind and did not want me publishing the post after all. She politely asked me to take the post down (if I saw her e-mail after it had auto-posted) and remove everything she had added to the post.

So, now I have to pretty much do the post all over again. I did delete her paragraphs and her comments to my paragraphs but there were a few points she made that I expounded on and made examples with. She requested that I remove those as well. So, I have to re-write the damn post. She did apologize for chickening out on me and luckily for her, I was up and got the e-mail in time to cancel the scheduled post.

The post took us two hours to write together. Now I had to edit and re-write it over again. Which won't be happening right now. Which honestly bums me out, it was going to be a pretty damn good post and I was excited to have a guest writing with me on the subject. Now it has to be re-done, which I will do. I really like what I had but yeah, no time to spend on it now. Also, I have to change the angle a bit and talk to my boyfriend. To change it, I'll be using him as the angle and I need to make sure he's okay with sharing some personal stories about him. He reads my blog so I don't want him reading it and finding out I posted some shit he might not have wanted me posting. Best to make sure he's cool with it first before I do it and hopefully he's cool with me sharing the information I want to share now that I don't have my guest sharing.

So, I apologize to those who came here today looking for that post. I had it done but meh, not my fault really. My guest did apologize literally 15 different times for backing out on such short notice so I extend that apology to anyone who came here looking for that post today. Which I know based on some of the e-mails I got inquiring, several of you were looking forward to that. Don't worry, I'll fix it and get it done! =o)

Happy Tuesday!

My Wishlist...

So, as part of Bad Bad Girl's Big Bad Blog Contest I had to make a wishlist on to gain an entry for the Grand Fucking Prize portion of her awesome contest. I was totally unsure about doing a wishlist over there because I had never visited the website before but I had an idea of what was over there. Of course, I'm currently unemployed and I'm too broke to be spending money on frivilous things. Which right now is a good thing because I could so some damage on that website! Seriously. I was wondering if I would find enough to make a wishlist that didn't look small and silly but that wasn't an issue at all. My wishlist is full of all kinds of fun toys. I could totally use the bondage tape I have on there for some super fun times.. and some interesting pictures too. I won't buy anything off there anytime soon though, no matter how inexpensive it is. Like I said, no purchasing things I don't absolutely need until I'm working again. I can dream until then. ;)

Want to see what struck my fancy? Check it out. ;)

Monday, August 17, 2009

The tears of snow-white sorrow...

DISCLAIMER: I am going to apologize now before I get started. I am going to talk about our trip Thursday & Friday. I am tired as hell though so it won't be the most articulate re-cap. I am basically just going to ramble and go with it which means it's going to be long and might not make sense in parts. For that, I apologize. I'm worn the hell out but more so, I'm mentally worn out from too much thinking and too much going on in my head. On top of the physically being worn out, the lack of sleep as of late and the fact that I'm tired as hell but can't sleep. Which reminds me, I FUCKING HATE when you're dragging ass and nodding off because you're drained and tired. Then you finally get to crawl off to your room, like some kind of zombie, only to lay down in bed and then BINGO BANGO MOTHERFUCKER! You find yourself wide awake. You were about to pass out walking through the kitchen to get to your bedroom but a mere two minutes later, you're laying in your warm comfortable bed and sleep decides it wants to elude you and laugh in your face about. I digress though. If you want to skip the rambling, at least check out the music video. Or come back tomorrow and take part in the "How Important Is Sex Or Lack Of To You In A Serious Relationship" post.

So, The Future Cup... Well, I'll just call him The Cop from now on since we went to his graduation Friday and he's officially a police officer now, lol. Anyway, we got there Thursday evening and we weren't the last people to show up. He lives two and a half hours away from were we all live now but that's because he moved there to go to the police academy. TC had Boyfriend, myself and four other friends that came down Thursday to hang out. His parents and sister got there Thursday as well but they stayed in a hotel. He only has a small three bedroom house and his family opted to stay at a hotel. So the six friends stayed at TC's house. One of the girls stayed in TC's room since they were on and off again forever though haven't been on in a long time. He actually just ended a relationship with the girl he was getting ready to propose to but that's not a story I'll be sharing here. Let me just say, that ended up not working out and he's recently single now and that girl has moved on out. The other girl stayed in the computer room/office. Boyfriend and I took the guest bedroom and the other two guys took the couches in the living room. Thursday night, we got there, I got the little tour of the house since I had yet to be there and then we had to go to Wal-Mart for a pump to air up the air mattress the girl in the computer room was going to sleep on. We also got a substantial amount of beer while there. We got back, aired up the air mattress and proceeded to the garage. They set up the beer pong table. I HATE beer pong and refused to play. I sat and drank beer while watching them play and chatting with everyone. His parents and older sister dropped by in the middle of the beer pong to drop some stuff off and say hello to everyone. They didn't stay long. I had fun watching them play beer pong and chatting with everyone. I drank more beer than they did too, lol. I decided to take a shower that night because everyone else was figuring out who was going to shower when in the morning. One shower and seven people vying for it in the morning? No thanks! I hardly slept that night because the room was hot and I was afraid of breaking the bed. It was old and not very stable and it moved around a little too much with Boyfriend and I just laying there. I slept maybe 3 hours total and then was up early in the AM Friday. Boyfriend didn't sleep much either. And no, we didn't have sex. Not because we didn't want to and not because we had any problem doing it in his friends house with a bunch of people there. TC made the room next to his the office because he wanted a room separating him from the guest room. He said he didn't want to hear Boyfriend and I going at it when we visit, lol. Not to worry though because it was hot as fuck in there because the AC wasn't working and also, the bed not being very stable was an issue. I've broken a few headboards before but we're talking a whole bed frame here that gets wobbly just from tossing and turning a little in it. I did not want to break that bed frame, thanks. Neither of us have the money to be replacing a bed frame so we passed on having any fun. The floor wouldn't have worked either because there wasn't enough floor space in there to work with. My boyfriend's 6'8" and not super skinny or scrawny. He isn't flexible either so we need some room to work, lol. Anyway, we got up Friday, got dressed and went in search of breakfast. We got food, got back to TC's house and waited on everyone to be ready. We took off at 10 AM to head to the college. The graduation ceremony was actually really good. The guest speaker they had was an instructor/officer that has been in law enforcement quite some time. His speech was so damn inspiring. It was a little humorous here and there. It was serious too and at parts, it got emotional. I don't cry easy at all. I don't ever cry during speeches because generally they're so rehearsed, lacking heart and not very emotional. It's like watching a bad actor a lot of the time. This guy had so much pride in what he's accomplished. He spoke of things he's seen with such reverence, so genuine and heartfelt. His words on his career, his goals, things he has seen and endured were so real. I felt sadness, sorrow and pain when he spoke of people he had lost and things that broke his heart to see in his line of work. I felt the emotions he was conveying in his words and stories. I didn't cry but my eyes did water up for a brief second while he talked of how heartbreaking it is to pick up abused children and how much restraint it takes to simply arrest the parent/guardian who abused them. How much control it took to resist smashing their head into a wall instead of simply handcuffing them and sitting them down in the back of a car. I realized in that moment that I wouldn't ever have what it takes to do that man's job. I know that doing it long enough, seeing enough abuse, would be more than I could handle. I doubt I would stay a good person being faced with so much wrong and evil in the world.
I gained a bit of respect for that man that I had never met. I'll never see him again but I'll remember the speech he gave. I'll remember how inspired I felt listening to him. They had one of the graduates speak as well. He read a poem and talked about experiences, life, his kids, the training they went through and the kind of bonds they formed. I think it was a good experience for me. I felt inspired. I felt motivated. I also thawed out a little towards law enforcement. A lot of cops are fucking dicks and they're fucking dicks just because they can be; they suck balls and good cops hate those guys. There are some good ones out there though and they're not all assholes with badges. I know TC is going to do well. I had the most fun watching him. How nervous he was at first. Then as the speeches began, how proud he seemed. Watching him nod his head in agreement and understanding and fighting back tears as well.

Anyway. After the graduation ceremony, a hundred pictures were taken. Then it was back to TC's house. His parents had made a big thing of queso dip and brought several bags of tortilla chips. They also made home made brownies and then several different kinds of cookies. As well as supplied plenty of drinks and 10 pizzas. There were 20+ people there to hang out. TC had to leave at 2 pm to go to work, lol. He didn't have to do much. Just got to check out the new jail and do some other stuff with his other graduates. He was back just after 5 PM and out of his police uniform not much later. We hung out there until after 9 PM. TC wanted Boyfriend and I to stay another night and then leave some time Saturday. The girl he went on and off again with forever, whom we will call CG, was staying all weekend. The other girl was just a friend of CG's whom I will call Scary Bitch. The two guys had left earlier in the afternoon before TC had to go back to the police station for work. TC very bluntly asked Scary Bitch when she was going to go back home but she didn't really answer. She had said she wasn't really there for TC, she was mainly there to see CG because CG and her are best friends and it had been three weeks since they had seen each other. CG just moved several hours away from Dallas because of family stuff she was helping with. Scary Bitch is obsessive over CG but that's another creeptastic story for another date and time. Scary Bitch is one of those annoying people who knows everything about everything and likes to talk out her ass constantly. She's also pretentious and rude. Obsessive and over-protective of CG. Finally by Friday evening, I had had enough of her. Boyfriend, myself, TC, CG and Scary Bitch were outside hanging out while TC and Boyfriend worked on TC's truck. I went inside to take some allergy medicine and then went to the bathroom. Then I cooled down a bit in front of the fan. I spent around 10 minutes in the house and then Scary Bitch was inside, wanting to know what I was doing and why. She made a comment and I said that TC didn't care if I was in there so she shouldn't worry about it and just mind her business. I then walked out before she could say anything. She didn't say another word to me the next couple hours we were there, thankfully. TC asked SB when she was going to leave and she clearly wasn't going as long as CG was there because she just had to spend as much time with her BFF as she could. Even though she was only going to have to go a week without seeing her since once they left and went their ways, SB would be going to visit CG for a week. Then SB will be moving to where CG now lives because yeah, she can't handle not living in the same city as CG. Anyway, I could totally see that Scary Bitch and I would be clashing horribly if I had to spend much more time around her which wouldn't have been good. So, we passed on staying another night and took off. Which is cool, we're hanging out with TC next weekend. He's got the weekend off so he's coming back up to Dallas to see family and friends. We made plans to hang out with him and a chick he's dating, should be fun. I haven't met the chick yet but at least TC's always amusing to be around.

ANYWAY. Enough about that, lol. On to the music!

Near June's end, I posted a Nightwish video before for musical Monday. I talked about the change in singers and how I prefer Anette O over the previous singer. I didn't say anything about the rest of the band though and the video I posted might have been a little confusing since in some scenes, it's all girls playing and in other scenes it's guys playing and the girl singing. The scenes in that video were there was the girl singing and all the guys playing instruments and doing back up vocals was the band. They have a chick singer but they're not an all chick band. A few people I chatted with after that in June gave me a hard time about liking the band because it was just a lot of hot chicks rocking out. Which isn't accurate at all since it's one chick singing and four dudes rocking. Though given the video, the confusion is totally valid, lol. I don't think Anette is ugly by any means but I don't base my like and dislike of bands based on how any one member looks. I couldn't give a shit less if any person in a band is good looking or not. I care about the music. =) Anyway, today I'm posting another Nightwish song that I just fucking love.
"Caress the one
The never-fading rain in your heart
The tears of snow-white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding Amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

Reaching, searching for something untouched
Hearing voices of the never-fading calling"

Happy Monday!