It's the Speeding Bullets Armor Piercing bullet vibrator! Huh? Right... Speeding Bullets is a line of discreet bullet vibes by Evolved Novelties meant to deliver big, intense vibrations from a tiny vibrating bullet. I got the Armor Piercing vibrator from that line for no other reason than I liked the name better than I liked the names of the other Speeding Bullets. I'm just a girl on a mission, trying to find the best inexpensive bullet vibrator based on what I like and want. I have an excellent bullet vibe that I love to pieced but it's an expensive one. So, I'm trying to find one that doesn't cost $60 and that matches or comes close to the performance I get out of my expensive bullet vibe.
Evolved has some pretty wicked stuff and I thought this looked neat. After reading some of the other reviews and then customer comments on other websites, I figured I might as well give this a try.
This little bullet is hard plastic, with a smooth velvety texture with a pointy little head that tapers into a thin shaft in the middle and back out into a larger base. You can use any kind of lube be it water-based, oil or silicone on this little toy. I honestly didn't use any lube at all as it isn't made for insertion. It's meant for external use only.
Size matters? Not always. ;) For visual comparison, I matched it next to a pen cap of a regular sized BIC pen and then just the cap from the pen.
The measurements are:
Length: 2 1/2"
Insertable length: 1 3/4" (Seriously, it is too small to be inside you. ;))
Circumference: 2 1/2"
Weight: 0.1 lb
As for functions and features? It claims to be waterproof but I was disappointed to find out it isn't all that good at keeping moisture out. I'll get to that feature fail near the end of the review though.
It is non-porous and phthalates free.
Turning the toy on, cycling through the different functions and turning the toy off is done by a simple push of a button located at the end of the bullet. The only way to turn the toy off or to get to a certain vibration setting is to cycle through them all. The button is enclosed by a squishy plastic material making it easy to press. And no, it doesn't light up. Yes, I was hoping it lit up too. Bummer huh? ;)
Speeding Bullets Armor Piercing bullet has five levels of vibrations.
The first level of vibration is a moderate continuous vibration. The second level is also continuous but just at a stronger level than the first.
The third and fourth levels are pulsating vibrations but they're not exactly the same. The third is like a normal pulsation that pulsates at a nice intensity. The fourth is a pulsation that is rather rapid and doesn't take pause at all. It's like a rapid pulse over and over again with no break.
The fifth level is an interesting one. It has a short pulsation followed by a long pulsation. The short pulsation is intense but then decreases as it flows into the longer pulsation while the longer pulsation starts out slight but then jumps right into an intense pulse. That cycle repeats over and over on that level.
Vibrations carry well through out the entire toy. Though given it's size, they don't really have far to travel. ;) Though no one point feels like it gets more vibration than the other. The vibrations are strong despite the type of battery the toy requires (which I'll get to in a minute) and you can feel the vibrations in a decent span of the toy. The vibrations carry nicely over your skin to about an inch out from where the toy is pressed.
It requires 3 LR44/AG13 batteries to run. You insert/remove the batteries by twisting off the end cap where the push button is located. It's easy to unscrew and changing batteries is easy. Just turn the toy upside down, give it a little tap on the side and they come right out. Batteries are included. One set inside the toy, you just have to unscrew the cap to remove the little piece of plastic placed inside there to keep it from coming on. A second set of batteries is located inside the box the toy comes in. Just lift out the plastic compartment the toy is nestled in and it will have another three pack of batteries under there for you to use when they run out. Got to love something that provides you with not only one but two sets of batteries.
I'll say it before any of you can get to it first. Toys that run on watch batteries aren't usually that strong. I know this so I tend to avoid toys that require LR44/AG13 batteries. They normally just don't pack enough punch for me so I don't even bother. Usually.
I like to keep an open mind about things and sex toys aren't any exception to that. I can generally tell before hand if I'm going to like something or not by looking at it and reading up on the specs/features the toy has to offer. Then I make my educated guess whether I want to give it a go or not. Big flipping deal really. Most of the time, I'm right in my assumptions. Sometimes, I'm pleasantly surprised. I wasn't sure on this bullet mainly due to the fact that it runs off watch batteries but I decided, what the fuck, why not? So, again, I was pleasantly surprised by this toy.
I covered each vibrating function above and I have to say, they're all quite nice and pack a nice punch, especially considering they come out of something so small. I'm happy with the power I get out of this toy based on it's size.
Imagine, I'm laying there on my bed fully of cynical thoughts when I reach down and start teasing the tip of the toy along my vaginal lips. The vibrations travel well over skin. I held the tip at the top of my vaginal opening and could feel the vibrations traveling down my lips entirely, no matter which of the five settings the bullet was on. When I had the tip at the bottom of my lips, my ass could feel the vibrations slightly even though I wasn't touching the backside at all. Then, I'm using it against my clitoris. Pressing directly against it, swirling around it, flicking back and forth and any other combination I could come up with while making sure to try all those combination on each vibration setting. I was moaning and writhing slightly around on the bed from how good it felt.
I don't normally like pulsating vibrations in bullets because they're never strong enough and they're always more annoying than pleasurable for me. I fucking love them in this toy because this bullet offers an intense enough pulsation for me to really enjoy it, especially the last setting. I love love love the last setting. It's an interesting mix and the vibrations are nice and strong.
I also used the toy to tease my nipples which was also wonderful. I used the bullet on/around Boyfriend's nipples too. He prefers biting, licking and sucking and didn't care much about vibrations in that area.
However. I got a very different reaction when I used the bullet on his cock. I rolled it up and down his shaft as well as holding it against his cock. I circled around the base and around the shaft as well as circling his head with it. I did each thing several times since I had to see how he felt about each of the five vibrating functions. ;) He definitely warmed up to the toy during that experimental process. I also used it on his testicles at the point where his cock and testicles meet, against his testicles, underneath them and on the perineum, testing each of the different vibration settings. Boyfriend was partial to the second vibration and the last vibration. We definitely agreed on how delicious that fifth setting is.
DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT insert the toy anally. Don't do it. This toy is super tiny and getting a good grip on it is difficult at times. You don't want to anally lose this toy inside of you or your partner. I know of some people who like to put toys inside condoms, tie them off and then used the tied off end as a good grip on the toy so they can use toys not meant for anal in that area. Still, I wouldn't do it. You can lose your grip, slip, rip it or something and still lose the toy. Imagine telling that story to the ER doctors....
The toy is a bit on the noisy side but given the vibration power you get out of it, it's worth dealing with the noise. Put on some music at a decent level and it helps drown some of the noise out.
My biggest gripe about this tiny champ? I thought it would be the batteries or the noise it makes but nope. There was something else that irked me more. It claims to be waterproof. Well, don't hop into the bathtub, shower, hot tub or anywhere else and expect to play with this in water. The seal on it sucks. No offense or anything but I ran it under water for about 20 seconds while cleaning it and guess what? I unscrew the cap and there are drops of water chilling under there. I dried them off quickly and then screwed the cap back on. I screwed it on as tightly as I possibly could. Ran it under water again for 20 seconds (yes, I counted) and then went to remove the cap again. After some struggling because I had gotten it on there so tightly, I got the cap off and what do you know, more drops of water chilling under there. So, based on that I decided not to take it in the shower since water can get up under the cap giving it the ability to get inside the mechanics of the toy and making it die. Which I don't want to happen and neither would you. ;)
You're not able to 100% sterilize the bullet vibe. A barely noticeable seam up one side of the toy, the seal that doesn't seal well enough to keep out water/moisture 100% and the hard plastic material ruin that. Though it is easy to clean. Just use some warm water and soap or wipe it down with your favorite toy cleaner. If you go the soap and water route, be mindful that the seal around the cap isn't that great so you don't accidentally get a soapy, watery battery compartment.
I didn't notice any weird smell on the toy at all so that was awesome. Funky smells make me wary of wanting to play with a toy, especially if I wash them a few times and they still keep their funk. It also doesn't attract lint or stray hairs which makes storing it damn easy. It doesn't pick up lose debris at all so throwing it inside your purse or backpack without it's package doesn't hurt at all. It's so small, it's perfect for being discreet.
I keep mine stored in the little box that it came in. I also recommend taking the batteries out of the toy while storing, especially if you're going to store it in the original box. I forgot to take mine out and the toy turned itself on and ran the batteries out while in the package box due to the ease of the push button control. Oops! Good thing you get that second set of batteries. ;) I usually remember to take the batteries out of toys between uses to prevent accidentally turning on from being moved or jostled around and also to prevent the batteries from just draining while chilling in their little compartments. Sometimes, I forget to do so since almost all of my favorites don't require batteries. No big deal though. ;)
Thanks again to the awesome people at Eden Fantasys for giving me this toy to try out! It's definitely going to be one I have fun with in the future. In fact, I'll be using it again on the boyfriend to wake him up one day very, very soon. ;)