It's October already. Which means... National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
Feel your boobies.
I normally don't post anything about Breast Cancer Awareness. Though it's a cause I care a lot about I am more of a silent supporter usually. Though recently, due to personal reasons, it's become more important to me so I'm going to get more vocal about it. Don't worry, I'm fine. I'll get to that subject though. When I can bring myself to write about it without crying.
Though, I was watching a program the other day that had a lot of breast cancer survivors on. It was so touching to see so many survivors. It also made me sad because I know there are also so many women who don't and so many who won't survive. Which I knew already honestly but it becomes different when it's someone you know, someone you love, who is suffering and won't be making it through. It's sad when you think of all the people you've never met that didn't survive but it doesn't hit you like it does when it's someone you know.
Ah well, I already started, so lets just go. I've talked before about my grandparents. How much they mean to me and how much I love them. Talked about how much time I spent with them growing up. How many amazing memories I have with them. And yes, I do know how lucky I am that I got to know them as I did. I do know how lucky I am that I had the chance to have so many good times with them. I know I'm lucky to that I got to have them around so much growing up. I know, I'm lucky that I've had everything I have had and still have with them. I know that but hearing it isn't comforting when I know that they won't be here much longer because their illnesses are becoming more than they can fight. They're old and they just don't have it in them to keep fighting either. A part of me wants to see them pass because I know when they do, they won't be in pain anymore. No more doctors, medicines, treatments and other crap. Then there is the selfish part of me that hates the thought of them not being around anymore. The part of me that wants to hold on and keep them around forever. That part of me makes watching this so hard. I wish I could fix it but I know there is nothing that I can do. Other than making sure they know I love them and getting what time I have left with them in.
They both have cancer, they both have other ailments. My grandfather has cancer, other ailments and he's had two strokes in the less than two weeks. They aren't his first and second, he's had several before. In the last year, I've watched his illnesses take hold of him and watched things go. His vision. His hearing. His speech. His ability to move around. Last time I visited, I watched him use his cane and take three steps at a time before stopping because that's all he could do. I watched him stop to lean against the wall. I watched him almost fall over several times. I watched him take 2 minutes to walk down a hall that takes no more than 5 seconds for most anyone else. I wanted to help but I knew I couldn't. I offered to help, he said no. I knew he would.
My grandmother has some ailments. I say ailments and I don't list much because mostly, this is personal. It's also hard for me to write about so keeping it short and to the bare minimum helps. She also has breast cancer. It isn't a recent discovery but something she's been battling. I've never mentioned it because I had hopes. She has lost her left breast entirely recently. Her doctor now thinks she may have bone cancer. She's a tough lady I know but it's wearing her down.
I know people say there is always hope but here, I know there isn't much left to hope for. My grandfather has been battling cancer and the other things for at least 10 years now if not longer. He says he's ready to quit fighting. I believe him. I don't even blame him. I also believe that when a person has a major disease, if they don't want to fight it anymore and if they don't have it in them to overcome it anymore, they won't. I know he won't be with us much longer.
My mom, dad, youngest brother, 23 year old brother and little sister live in California still. My mom and youngest brother however are moving back to Texas. They've already started the drive actually. Mom & YB will be here Sunday night. I'm apparently lacking the ability to comprehend things correctly lately, lol. I thought they would be here sooner but it's all good. I get to see them Sunday night so hooray. My mom packed up her SUV with a lot of their belongings. My mom needs to help her sisters care for their parents and she can't do that in California. She also, of course, wants to spend as much time as she can for what she has left with her parents. Plus, she just likes Texas better anyway. ;)
So that's a lot of what has been going on lately and a lot of why I haven't been around much on my blog, reading blogs, on Twitter, sending out e-mails, forums, instant messenger or anything else. I just haven't had much I wanted to say and I've been distracted and busy as hell. Not to mention dealing with other stuff and still trying to find a job. On the plus side, Boyfriend started working this week for a company he had worked for before. He hates what he's doing but it's not bad money and it's something to have income until he can find something better.
Anyway, that's all I've got for today. I do have a way overdue review going up tomorrow. That was actually what I was going to post today but I couldn't get the pictures and video onto my laptop and didn't want to post the review without them.
Have a good weekend y'all.