Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I am not strapped in...

I personally don't want to have kids of my own. I love kids. I'm good with kids. I've posted before about WHY I don't want to have kids of my own though. I absolutely HATE when people tell me I'm being a shitty person for not having kids. That it's my duty to have kids to reproduce to help keep the world populated. Fuck off, there are PLENTY of people in the world. Me not having a kid isn't going to hurt shit.

What pisses me off more is people who have kids but don't take care of them. People who have kids when they can't afford to. I think it's irresponsible to PLAN a baby when you can't take care of yourself. I know this couple who are having a baby. They planned the pregnancy, she got pregnant quickly and she's expected to have the baby soon. They can't afford to buy their groceries every month just the two of them. They struggle to keep themselves afloat from month to month and don't always make it. They often need help getting by and it's only the two of them. I don't have an issue with that. I have trouble too. No big deal. To me, it's common fucking sense to NOT bring a baby into the world when you CAN'T even take care of yourself month to month! If you can't afford groceries every month, why on earth would you get pregnant? That's another mouth to feed and you can't feed a baby Ramen Noodles. You need a ton of shit for your new baby. That's a whole little life that will be completely dependent on the parents to help it live and grow healthily. It's a big responsibility and it's not cheap. So why bring a little precious life into the world when you can't take care of yourself?

She thinks I'm irresponsible and selfish for not ever wanting to have a child. She thinks a lot of things about my decision to not want a child. I think she's a fucking moron for bringing a child into the world when her and her husband can't afford things with just the two of them. I think they're selfish and irresponsible for bringing a life into the world just because they didn't want to wait. Just because they got married and that's what you're supposed to do; get married and make a baby. Now her due date is getting closer and she's stressing out because they did a budget and they won't have enough money to get by including all the "baby expenses" and she's freaking out, stressing out and wondering what they're going to do. They didn't have something bad happen. They didn't get laid off or anything. They were struggling before they got married. They continued to struggle and they never made any additional effort (such as her getting a job) to do better.

It only pisses me off so much because she has the nerve to tell me about my choice and why it's a mistake and why that makes me a bad human being. Fuck her. I don't have to have a child if I don't want to. And at least I wouldn't bring a child into the world knowing I wasn't in a position to take care of one. "Just because" and "not wanting to wait any longer because this is what you're supposed to do" are shitty reasons to have a baby when you know you're not in a position to take care of said life. When you know you won't be in the position to take proper care for at least another year.

It's not just them either, I know. I don't have anything against people having kids. I know shit doesn't go as planned and you do the best you can. It just annoys me when people who can't even take care of themselves bring a child into the world.

Anyway. That's my rant for the day and I'm done now. I've got more to add but I'll save that for another date and time. A date and time when I'm not quite so tired and nodding off at the laptop, lol.

Have a great day y'all.


lordbongo_twitter said...

I am at a point in my life that not much is changing. I am happy with the way things are or am I? Still there is something fluctuating inside me.
Is it time for children or not? I do like the idea of offspring and that you can leave your legacy to your own blood, but I am not looking forward to the whole baby hassle. My wife also is not looking forward to a pregnancy. No more daily champagne, her figure would change, the awful nausea, unable to work for some time, the breast feeding… Also what if the child turns out stupid, disabled or worse…
Yesterday we came up with this crazy idea that we could fertilize an egg with my sperm and “donate” it to one those couples that can’t make children of their own. Maybe we can play the auntie, uncle role and leave the child our heritage. I know it is a crazy unethical idea, based on a lame foundation that we both are too lazy to take care of our own children. Also if you let other people raise your children, you can’t share your own value-system, ideas about life, world model and moral structure with them. Which is supposed to be a big part of the fun?
Also it might be possible that we would regret this decision in the future, when the child turns out all cute and smart.
Anyway first time I post something here...

ChocDrop said...

I agree, to many people are out here having kids when they can't support themselves. If you don't want to have kids, I support that decision.
Like we need more kids that are not getting what they need. Our economy right now is definetly not worth bringing a child into to suffer.

Great decision for you. Screw those who give you crap for not having a child, that is why it is a right!!!!!

The Peach Tart said...

I think having kids is a personal choice and others should honor each person's choice. I have one grown daughter. I feel I did a great job of raising her but I knew from the time that she was born that one was it for me.

I could also have seen myself never having a child and I think my life would still feel complete.

Joker_SATX said...

Sorry that you are going through the hassle. Believe me, I understand.

In my humble opinion, I think you make the perfect Girlfriend, Significant Other, Wife, etc.....

I am glad you stand by your convictions. That's the way to be.

13messages said...

She's an idiot to give you crap about that. You're definitely the smart one in that regard.

Anonymous said...

As someone who has a lot of kids, I always tell people it's perfectly fine if they don't breed...i've got it covered :-P I don't get why people feel EVERYONE on the planet has to make babies. Our foster care system here in America is a mess and full of babies who were made & not cared for.(It also makes me very angry when people spend a ton of money to create a baby when there are so many already in the world but that's another story)

It IS irresponsible to plan to have a baby when you're not stable yourself.On the flipside, babies don't HAVE to be expensive but it takes a lot of knowledge & creative resourcing to make that happen. If someone is not figuring out how to stay afloat,then they don't need to bring someone else on board on purpose. Yep yep.

hamachi15 said...

It's your life and only you are entitled to run it. Stay true to your convictions.

phairhead said...

this fuckin' society has made it completely unacceptable for women to decide not to have children.

i don't want kids and i'm sick of people making me feel guilty about it

Anonymous said...

this reminds me of an interview i saw of kurt cobain and kids and how he never dreamed of reproducing more life into this world of misery...but he did finally relent with courtney in the end, as we all know

Anonymous said...

I love being a mom, but it wasn't planned, and it's harder than anything I've ever done. People shouldn't feel obligated to have children. I always thought I wanted a big family, but now that I've had one, I'm content. The only thing worse than people having kids they can't take care of is people having children because they think that's what they are supposed to do.

TentCamper said...

I fully agree with you. I have kids, lots of them...and currently, we are not in the best financial situation. BUT, I think that if you are struggling...why the fuck would you PLAN to have a child? I love kids and can't see my life without them, but it is a huge financial responsability.
Shit...I could go on and on too...but I won't

KendallJaye said...

Is there room on your soapbox for another player? I was almost convinced you were writing about someone I knew! HA! But this gal has two kids that she had in her teens (now residing with Auntie, because she lost custody), one with an ex-husband, and another with her new husband. (That's four if your keeping count.) She's 29. And she says she's not done yet. This latest spawn was brought into this world and funded by me. That's right, my tax dollars at work because she can't afford to feed/clothe/care for the latest fruit of her loins.
Holy Fucking Shit.
So I feel your pain and pass you the liquor. Bottoms up. Idiocracy the movie? That's not fiction anymore.

amy said...

i so agree with you. i know way to many people who are having 3, 4 and more kids when they can't afford them. My husband & I have 1 child so far (she will be 9 in 3 days) and stopped for now because of expenses, yet people who are struggling so bad and make about 1/2 of what we make a year are having all these kids and then asking us for hand-outs. Ummm, no one told you to keep having kids. That is definitely one of my rants.

Advizor said...

I love this post. I really do. I'm in a situation where I help struggling families recover from financial problems and coordinate charitable donations and services to help them. I want to scream bloody murder when a couple/family/mom, who is already on assistance, comes to me with the "good news" that they are going to have a baby.


They have no insurance, no prospects, can't afford heat, he's in 4 kinds of recovery and 0 kinds of sobriety, but she feels like she NEEDS TO BE A MOTHER? Put a gun to my head and just pull the trigger! You idiots.

I think a vein just popped in my brain, so I have to stop writing. But it' shivers me to know end when people don't think it through, when they don't think about the impact of their poverty on a young life. Bad or no medical care, cheap, crappy, junk food, poor hygiene at home, and a life of tension and deprivation at home.

And please don't accuse me of stereotyping the poor, I'm not, but being poor is hard, and bringing in a kid solves nothing. It makes everything worse

Excellent Post, I may have to put it up on my wall at work.

Another Ordinary Girl said...

I completely agree with you! There is a girl in my apartment building who keeps popping out kids left and right and doesn't have a you know what that means..that's three jobs helps support her ass when I can barely support mine and my son's!!! Aggravates me to no end! Why bring a child into this world when you know you can't afford one? It is not our duty to reproduce. We are allowed to decide for ourselves and if you don't want kids, then amen to you sister!

Anonymous said...

You're very right. Everyone's entitled to do what's best for them and no one can judge you for making a reasonable decision, even if they don't agree with it. Especially in this situation - accidents happen but planning a baby in that situation - I really hope they work it our for the baby's sake.


Hubman said...

There was a reason why Veronica and I waited 7 yrs after getting married to have a kid- we couldn't afford one!!!

Well said, AR! I wish others would think like you do

vanimp said...

You know I never wanted children, I was career driven, I wanted to travel and build a business. My preganancy was an accident, but I went through with it and I don't regret it for a moment. I have a beautiful wee son who has bought so much love into my life and I love watching him grow into this little unique person.

BUT, not for one moment would I ever consider telling someone their choice to not have children is wrong. Omg that's insane.

Good on you for having a sense of what you do and don't want in life, nothing wrong with that at all. My career and travel plans got put on hold, I'm now aiming for those goals again but I had to put them on the wayside for a while. Now I am focusing on those goals again so I can provide a comfortable life for him and enable him to do all the things he wants to do like go to university etc.

Just because she is having bloody babies doesn't mean everyone else should rofl what a hoot. You are more than justified to rant, and I don't think anyone should be going and having babies if they cannot financially provide for those children.

Adriana said...

I do not and have never had a desire to get kids and I know maybe it's not the natural way to do it but I've had this mindset so long that the idea of having kids honestly doesn't feel natural to me. I've definitely had more than my share of people object to this idea, as if it's any of their business whether or not I have children. I know I'm an oddball, especially among all these young military couples who have a kid or 3 already.

I totally agree that there are more than enough children out there. Sadly, people like the couple you know who have a kid they cannot support are actually providing a better home than many kids will ever have the opportunity for so tell me how I am being selfish by not bringing a child into this world when I am not absolutely ready for it? How are we the selfish ones by recognizing we're not ready or maybe won't ever be ready for children and then taking the responsible steps to assure we won't have them?

My decision doesn't make someone else's decision any less valid but I think that some people fear it does. There's no other logical explanation for the shit some people spew.

Juliettia said...

While my husband and I want kids and are currently trying for kids, we can financially support having one.

Even though I love most kids, I work with kids, I think it's wrong to expect everyone with a uterus to expel a kid. That is the most selfish thing in the world to bring a child into the world that you will not 100% love or be able to take care of.

Most people are selfish twats with little respect for others. Half of the people who have kids expect their parents, friends, or relatives to help raise, support, and finance their decision. Which is just as wrong as telling someone who recognizes they cannot raise, support, or have no desire for children that they should pop out one because 'that is the natural order of things.' Ugh.

Eliot said...

Yep, she's a fucking moron. Although it's inherently wrong, I sometimes wish we could sterilize certain people.

Adriana said...

Also, I apparently mixed up "get pregnant" and "have kids". LOL

BTExpress said...

It's NOT and I repeat NOT an obligatio0n to have children. Some people are just made to be a parent, but not everyone. Tell anyone that says anything otherwise to fuck off, that it's your business, not theirs. So mind your own business and have a nice day.

Britni TheVadgeWig said...

I see your point completely. I don't want children, either. And people always tell me that I will when I'm older, but I know that I don't want them. When I got pregnant (accidentally, had an abortion) all I could think was that I wanted the parasite out of my body and was *relieved* when it was over and no longer growing inside me. This reaffirmed for me that children aren't for me. And that's okay.

But to *plan* to have a child when you are living paycheck to paycheck? Totally selfish. And stupid. Why bring a child into this world when you can't give them what they need? And I don't mean that only rich/wealthy/well off people should have kids. Those people can give kids what they *want* (materialistically speaking). But every child deserves parents that can give them what they *need.*

Another Suburban Mom said...

I personally believe that people who do not want children should not have them and should be left the fuck alone about it.

While I find DB and PP to be wonderful, being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I must admit though, that I LOVED being pregnant. There were parts of the experience that I was not in love with, but I LOVED watching my body change and feeling the baby move inside me.

However, I do get annoyed when people who cannot take care of themselves have children.

Did Hubman and I want children before we had them? Yes! Did we want to have DB and PP closer together? Yes!

However, we planned to have our children when we did (and I planned, there was mucus checking and temperature taking involved) because we waited until the time was right for both of us career wise and life wise.

While children are wonderful, they can be noisy, expensive and stressful.

While surprises happen (I refuse to call people 'accidents') having a child on purpose when you are not ready to handle the responsibility is wrong and irresponsible.

rage said...

I never had kids of my own because I could barely afford to take care of myself.

Amorous Rocker said...

I would imagine if your child turned out "stupid, disabled or worse" that you would still love that child all the same and do what you could for him/her. If not, I would doubt if you should be having a child or not anyway.
Thanks for posting a comment & thanks for reading. =)

Exactly. I intend to stay true to myself and my convictions. I generally do, lol.

*nods head*

the eternal list:
Oh please, please do NOT get me going on Courtney Love. What a crock that last name is... *grumbles*

I still feel bad for misinterpreting that Tweet you sent me but I know how you feel now & thank you for sharing with me. =o)

Exactly & thank you. I really hope for the sake of their child they get their shit straight too.

I've said since I was 13 or possibly younger than I didn't want a child. I'm 24 now and I've never faltered or changed my mind on that particular issue. I must be an oddball too, lol.
I wish I could answer how we're the selfish ones by making responsible decisions and taking mature steps to make sure a pregnancy that isn't planned doesn't occur but I can't as I just don't understand that mindset.

Good for y'all! I hope that works out well for y'all soon. Meanwhile, have fun trying! =D
Exactly! It's wrong and very selfish to do that in my opinion.
I agree. Thanks so much for your comment.

Exactly. =D

That's a damn good reason darlin'. <3

I think I replied to everyone else via e-mail but if I forgot someone, I'm sorry! Heh. Thanks so much to everyone for reading & commenting. =o)

Anonymous said...

I love the click thru image its sexy and simple.

Happy HNT

Kimberly said...

I think it is a good thing to know what you want out of life. I am continually surprised by people feeling absolutely free to tell others that they should want kids, or that something is wrong with them for not wanting kids. There are many paths to take in life and I personally have a lot of respect for the fact that you know what you want. Kudos.

Lys said...

If you don't want children, you shouldn't have them! After my son, I had my tubes tied because I didn't want anymore. A lot of people were upset with me for it, including my boyfriend (I have a daughter from a prev marriage and our baby is his only child) But 2 kids is enough for me. It is terribly expensive, tons of work and though I wouldn't trade them for anything, a lot of times it is hard to see myself doing all for them and not doing the things I used to do... like sleep in on a Sat lol. I wish I had waited to have my daughter, I was only 25 at the time and part of what created my divorce was the care of her rested soley on me, not my ex. Having kids strains a relationship too if you aren't ready, hence me being divorced and a lot of American woman having several baby daddies.. So good for you, stick to your guns and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

TUG said...

You're right in all aspects.

I ended up having kids pretty late. Not that we didn't try, but things didn't work out for a long time. Looking back it is probably for the best since now my wife can stay home like she wanted to and we are able to provide for them in other ways as well.