Sunday, August 30, 2009

Cheater

My friend asked me to do something for her. She cheated on her boyfriend several times with the same guy. When her guilt finally became too much, she quit cheating. Then, she was scared her boyfriend had been cheating on her because if she did it, who says he hasn't? So, she got paranoid and started taking every little thing out of proportion. They started fighting more due to her newly established suspicious nature. She doesn't have the balls to tell him she cheated though she wants him to know so he can leave her or they can work through it. She told me she wanted me to tell him for her. To make up a story about how she let me have her myspace password to go tweak her profile layout since she has trouble doing it. Then I got nosy and decided to go read through her messages. In doing that, I found messages between her and another guy that proved she had been fucking around with this guy. That was the story she came up with and wanted me to tell her boyfriend. That way, he would confront her and she wouldn't have to be the bigger person and initiate the conversation. I told her I wouldn't do it. I told her I would not assuage her guilt. I told her to grow a fucking pair and own up to what she had done if she couldn't bear the guilt anymore. I told her I would not help make this easier on her because she didn't deserve to have it made easier on her. Her boyfriend did not abuse her verbally or physically. Her boyfriend in fact supports her emotionally as well as physically. He also pays half of her bills as she can only work part time with her hectic college schedule. Her excuse for cheating on him was that she doesn't see him much because he works two jobs and they only get three nights a week together. His one job was enough to support him and have some extra to play on. He took on a second job so he could afford to help her because he thinks that after three years together that this is the girl he is going to marry one day. If he weren't paying her car payment, car insurance payment, helping pay her student loans and paying her part of the rent, he wouldn't even need a second job and thus they would have more time together. Since I refused to make her confession easier on her by being the bearer of bad news, she hasn't talked to me in almost a month now.

I've been sick the last few days but after 14 hours of medicated sleep (not consecutive, I woke up several times to take more medicine, drink some fluids and pass back out) I was awake for a while and not going back to sleep anytime soon. I propped up in my bed with my laptop and turned on a movie last night. I did something I hardly remember to do and signed into one of the instant messenger services I use. Within a couple minutes, she sent me an IM to see if I would change my mind. The "guilt is reaching unbearable levels" and she doesn't know how much longer she can handle agonizing over if he's cheating on her or not, if he secretly knows or not, etc etc etc. I told her again that I would not do it. She pleaded with me, telling me I was the only person who knew and that she couldn't believe I wouldn't help her in her desperate time of need. I told her I refused to be put in the middle of her mess and that I didn't care what kind of a guilt trip she pulled, I wasn't helping her out with this one. I said I was a bitch. I informed her that I already knew that but thanked her for the reminder, as if I needed one. She told me to fuck off and then signed off the messenger service.

Her boyfriend, while I think he's a great guy, isn't a friend of mine. I don't honestly care for him much and he doesn't care for me much. Though I can unbiasedly look at everything he's done for my friend and how well he treats her and say that he's not a bad guy. Just not someone I get along with. I do believe he deserves to know my friend cheated on him but I'm not going to be the one to tell him that. He loves her as much as any person can love another. He not only loves her but he cares deeply for her, adores and respects her. I know when she finally busts because she won't be able to stand it anymore, he's going to be crushed. I'm not going to be the one to crush and hurt him. I'm not going to make it easier on her just because she's too chickenshit to own up to her mistake fully. It's not my place to get in the middle of things going on in their relationship and be the one to tell him. No way, not going to happen.

Does that make me a bitch? Maybe. Depends on your perspective and where you stand on things. I don't think it makes me a bitch at all.

Do I care one way or another if anyone else thinks I'm being a bitch? Nope, not at all. =o) There's no way I'll be changing my mind, no matter what she says. She can't use any guilt trip because I don't feel the slightest bit guilty by refusing to give her an easier way out. I'm not easily swayed and
I stand very strong in my decisions once I decide on something.

Now, back to my DayQuil and disgusting cough drops.

Happy Sunday y'all!

18 comments:

Alisha and Brett said...

I honestly think you are taking the correct approach to this by staying out of it. You can be there for your friend with advice or a shoulder to cry on but have no obligation to do their "dirty" work. I know for me, from a guys perspective, I'd rather hear it from her myself rather than a third party.

So keep your head up, don't give in and I don't think you are a bitch in the least bit.

Hope you are feeling better soon!

Emmy said...

I think you used the right word here: "chickenshit".

She's just upset because she has him (and likely others) doing a lot to make her life easier - and you aren't joining them in doing that.

She really needs to grow up.
You aren't a bitch, just someone not enabling her. I applaud you! :)

Red said...

Sounds like the textbook cheater mentality. If I could step out, he might do the same. etc... Sad, and predictable.

One of my many mantras in life is that I don't do drama. Especially in a cheater situation. I have been cheated on before. Once a cheater - always a cheater tends to apply most of the time. Best to stay outta the way. I echo the other comments.

MinorityReport said...

I agree with everyone here. And you're not a bitch for not "helping" her with this. If she can make a decision for herself, she can deal with the consequences.

Rest up!

Sugarmag said...

I respect that you refused to get in the middle of her drama and I can't believe she called you a name for it. Some friend.

I hope you feel better soon.

The Peach Tart said...

Take care of yourself and hope you get well soon. You're friend is not a real friend for putting you in the middle of this. There are consequences to actions and she should just own up to it and see if there's a way to remedy things without involving you.

Ms Bitchtits to You said...

You are definitely doing the right thing.

Feel better soon!

ChocDrop said...

Good for you for staying out of the middle of that. She is not a friend to ask that of you.

Another Suburban Mom said...

I think you are doing the smart thing. You do not get involved in other people's relationships like that.

And for her she deserves to feel guilty, but she also probably does not want to fess up and ruin the gravy train she is on.

TUG said...

I think you need a new "friend".

Mistress L said...

She needs a re-fucking-ality check. Thanks for giving it to her.

Anonymous said...

In no way does this make you a bitch. What it should do is make you question if you should even be friends with a loser like that...

phairhead said...

yr not a bitch. you did the right thing. and her excuse for cheating is fucking lame!

dittohead said...

This is the reason stoner's like to watch Cheater's while giggling like retards.

Seems obvious to me she's the bitch. Guy is probably too nice for his own good. I've been told many a time that the nicest girls are the ones that'll do the most headfucking, and I can vouch for that personally.

I fucking rofled off the chair at "I told her to grow a pair"!!!!!

Now that is pure awesome.

Vixen said...

I think you are taking the right approach. And good for you for standing strong on this with your friend.

Good for you!

Kara and Jessica said...

You did the right thing. It's her mess to deal with and not yours.

-Jessica-

Joker_SATX said...

No, that does not make you a bitch...it makes you smart!

Good move...stay out of it.

That is what I would have done....

Richard, Shhh... said...

Amorous, I finally read this and wanna say I agree with YOU on it all! This reminds me of my Tex-Mex-ex- and some of HER stunts. SHE, in her passive-aggressive manipulations & deceptions, didn't "get around to telling me" until after she filed for divorce, "no-fault," so she could get half my military retired pay & screw over me for decades by getting it in spite of "no grounds." She died at a relatively young age last year from breast cancer -- and Karma!