Tuesday, May 5, 2009

She's like cocaine, heroin, alcohol, vicodin; She's my addiction...

The Model: I'm dating this woman that's 17* years older than me. People have been giving me a little grief over it and I don't know what to do because I'm tired of hearing about it but I really like her and she makes me happy. I just am so tired of justifying myself about it you know? Do you think it's okay for me to be dating someone 17 years my senior?

*The Model is 23.

Me: Why wouldn't it be?

The Model: I don't know babe. It's just... She's older than my big sister. She was with her ex-girlfriend for 8 years and they broke up a year ago and she swears she's long past that and I believe she is but people think she's with me because she got burned so bad. Her ex dumped her in a bad way. She has had some flings after the break up and she doesn't hardly bring up her ex and doesn't have anything that belongs to her and doesn't have any pictured. But by dating me, people say she's just trying to feel better and prove she's still hot by dating a hot young girl. I guess the age difference is the biggest hang up everyone seems to have.

Me: Okay. Do y'all have similar interests?

The Model: Yeah. Loads of them. Music, movies, books, food, museums, stuff we like to do for fun. All kinds of shit haha. She even collects bottle caps and troll dolls like I do!

Me: Nice. Do y'all have similar views on things?

The Model: Oh yeah. We even agree on religion and politics.

Me: Sweet. You said she makes you happy?

The Model: Yeah. She's kind, funny, intelligent and sweet. She's good to me. We have loads in common. We share similar views on things. She cooks for me. She makes me laugh. She treats me well. So well.

Me: So who gives a shit if she's older than you?

The Model: I just don't want people to keep giving me hell about it. I also don't want to hear that she's only with me because she needs the ego boost.

Me: Who cares what people say? People are always going to run their mouths. There are always going to be the ones shouting nay and the ones who want to see it not work. Some people are going to be uncomfortable by it and want to see it fail to ease their own discomfort. There are tons of reasons why this and why that. Tell them to lay off, you're going to date who you want and if they don't like it, too bad. They should be happy you're dating someone who is good to you. They can fuck off if they want to throw stones and talk shit over something silly.
If you like her, she likes you, y'all want to be together and you make each other happy then don't you think that's worth more than what people might say about you? Don't you think you're going to miss out on your own happiness if you're always trying to make everyone else happy instead?

The Model: Damn, you're good. You're not going to send me some kind of bill for this conversation right? ;)

One thing I want to say, age does matter at some point. I think a 16 year old dating a 25 year old isn't cool. I think when it's someone that young, it's not a good mix. I don't think a 16 year old who is just exploring relationships and possibly sexuality has the experience and the maturity to deal with someone that much older than them in a relationship sense. I'm sure there are exceptions but as a general rule, I just don't think teenagers should be dating adults that much older than them. Also not legal (in most states anyway, lol.)

When it's two mature adults though? Or even two adults who at least have a little bit of experience and a little knowledge of what they're doing. Even if it's an inexperienced 22 year old and a 33 year old, I still think that's fine. They might even be up for learning a thing or two from the older counterpart or vice versa. ;)

What do you, my dear readers, have to say on the subject at hand?


phairhead said...

every relationship is a learning experience. but high schoolers dating over the 18's. Eh. That's a Hindenburg waiting to happen.

Confessor X said...

I agree with you totally...age isnt but a number, unless youre dealing with someone who hasnt matured mentally yet.

vixen kitten said...

I agree with you on the teen age / adult dating being a bad idea. After the age of 21, I think it's fine.

I dated a guy for 7 months who was 15 years younger than me. Actually, he was only 3 years older than my son. We had an amazing time together, and I dated him because he was intelligent, considerate, fun to be around, hella hot, and great in bed. When I was around him I could be myself, and he always had me laughing. I never considered it an ego boost. Those are the exact same reasons I choose to date anyone.

Yes, people talked. Mostly out of jealousy I'm sure. People who are unhappy with their own lives and choices will always gossip about someone else who is out there happy and enjoying their life to the fullest.


Spiky Zora Jones said...

I once dated my English professor. I really regret it now. I was only 16 years old and he was like 35 or 36 years old, maybe older.

It was me that came on to him...I just wanted to see if I could do it. It wasn't for the grade. I didn't need the class but heard he was a good teacher...so I took it. he was a good teacher, but a bad lover, but I had a wonderful time with him.

I regret it because he could have gotten into trouble. I didn't want that. I was young and stupid not to think of what might happen.

I do though think age doesn't make a difference. If they make you happy and you truly care about them. It doesn't matter what others say.

Ciao honey. Fab post.

Laken said...

I'm involved with a guy 20 years older than me, and it bothers me when people act like he is either using me or that there is something wrong with him for being involved with somebody so much younger. That's just insulting to me. Just because you are young doesn't mean you aren't responsible or an adult, and just because you're older doesn't mean you know everything and make the best decisions. If it isn't illegal, I don't have a problem with it.

viemoira said...

I think if the people involved are of age and love each other then to hell with what others think about any age difference. So long as they are consenting adults that share common interests and love each other then nothing else should matter. I agree with your opinion on minors from experience; I was with a 23 year old at 15 no good... On the other hand my mother remarried to a man 11 years younger then her and 11 years older then me. They've been together around 15 years now.

Barney said...

every day is a learning experience..

It's what makes you feel comfortable.. I agree with you.. a 16 yr old..and a 25 yr old..no..

but a 22 and a 33.. that's fine... I used to date a guy who was 12 yrs older than me..and DAMN that was hot sex.. that man knew what he was doing..LOL...

it's a maturity factor...

I Smile 2 Much said...

I agree with with you & everyone else. A 23 & 50 yr old is fine if its a good fit for them.

Its true what you said. Nobody can please everyone all the time. Just not possible.

Good advice you gave your friend. But maybe ya shouldve charged him & made him pay up for that (lol) :)

Slyde said...

all i can say is when i was 21 i dated a 37 year old for 3 years...

p.s. you are on mybrute! so cool!

ive been doing it for a few weeks now.. SLYDE01... fight me if you dare!

{{ d a n i m o }} said...

she's a model and she's in a great relationship? i say you should go ahead and bill her for your time. :P or, y'know, just continue to encourage their love/whatever and be an awesome, wise friend. :)

TUG said...

My dad was 12 years older than my mom, so I guess it can't be that bad :)