Monday, February 2, 2009

I sit alone and watch the clock tryin' to collect my thoughts...

Sometimes, I spill things on my clothes. At times, my lips develop little holes as I drink and liquid spills out in tiny amounts. Things don't always want to stay on my fork and things slide off my spoon.

My shoes come untied and I'm so oblivious to them that I don't realize they are undone until I step on them and almost fall over. I walk into doors and sometimes even walls. I trip walking up stairs from time to time and occasionally I trip over my own two feet, when my shoes are tied.

My hair gets messy and most of the time, I'll leave it a wavy tangled mess. My clothes don't always match and I don't give a shit about fashion or trends.

I burp when I drink carbonated beverages and usually the result is something louder than what most guys can produce. That makes me giggle. Okay that's not totally true. I don't need a carbonated drink to burp loudly. It happens with water, juice, milk and anything else I drink. I get insanely hyper and silly when I have a lot of caffeine or sugar. I'm picky about what I eat but I'm willing to try almost anything.

I sleep all over the bed. Sometimes I steal the covers. Sometimes it's too hot and I don't want to be covered at all. Other times, sometimes only an hour after being too hot, I'm too cold and I want the covers back that I just kicked off. I sleep on my stomach but sometimes I need to sleep on my side. Most of the time I want to be cuddled but sometimes, I don't want to be touched at all.

I'm stubborn and don't have a lot of patience. I have a bad temper and I can lose it rather quickly. Other times I hold it well until it all bubbles over and I explode like a volcano. It's usually something small and ridiculous that pushes me over the edge. The person that delivers that final tiny shove is usually the least deserving of my angry outburst.

I cuss too much. Even more when I'm angry. I get road rage sometimes and the things that come out of my mouth could make some grown men cringe. I love a lovely mouth but some very nasty things come out of it when I'm pissed off. I don't think before I speak most of the time.

I smoke when I get stressed or annoyed.

I drink. Just because I like the taste and I like how it feels.

I'm headstrong, opinionated and bluntly honest. Since I don't often think before I speak, sometimes I blurt out things that would have been better left unsaid. Usually it isn't a big deal but sometimes, I hurt people needlessly without meaning too. I feel like a shithead after that happens.

Even though I speak before I think and I say a lot of things I shouldn't, I don't always say the things I should. Sometimes I hold things in for far too long.

I'm weird and quirky. I do things that are weird, I say things that are odd. I think in different ways than a lot of people do. I do some things in ways that aren't the right way. I'm moody and my moods change a lot, often times with no warning at all.

I'm adventurous and sometimes a little reckless in my adventures. I'm not afraid of getting hurt and even though I'm analytical, I don't always consider all the cons of things I do. If it seems like fun or seems exciting, I want to try it. I love adrenaline and I figure I'm only going to live once and I want to enjoy it.

I'm not perfect but I never said I was either. I don't strive to be perfect either. I don't believe perfection really exists in the flawless, extraordinary way that people tend to think of when they hear the word perfect.

Someone said something to me a few years and at the time he said it, I thought he was crazy. I was 18. We were sitting in my apartment living room one night, with the television on even though we weren't watching it. We had nachos and margaritas. His boyfriend had just broken up with him to go back to an ex-boyfriend. We had started talking about how he thought this guy was going to be the one for him and some how we got to talking about perfection. I don't remember much of what was said because this happened 5 years ago but one thing my friend said to me stuck out in my mind.

"In my eyes, you're completely perfect because you're not perfect at all."

I didn't get what it meant when the person said it to me at the time. I thought a lot on it and just couldn't understand how he could see perfection in someone who was so filled with flaws. At the time, I was younger and I was struggling with myself. I couldn't figure out who or what I was. Not what other people expected me to be but what I expected me to be.

I annoy the people who love me sometimes. I annoy my friends, co-workers and acquaintances at times. I'm sure there are times when those around me would like to slap me silly and other times when they would like to shake me senseless. Or in some cases, shake some sense into me. It goes both ways because sometimes, I'd like to do the same to them.

Sometimes the way I act and the things I say are frustrating to no end. Other times they will piss you off. Here and there I can be upsetting. I might come off as bitchy, rude or arrogant at times.

I'm okay with that.
I'm okay in most of my flaws too. They make me me. I wouldn't be who I am without the good and the bad.

Happy Monday y'all!


Nolens Volens said...

I wonder if you're a Gemini. :)

Osbasso said...

Ha! As I'm reading this, I was thinking the exact same thing as what the guy said! Perhaps it's not so much that your 'imperfections' make you's that they make you "real". I prefer that to perfection any day!

13messages said...

My favorite paragraph is the last one. I'm a mess, too. :)

Have a great day. You're awesome.

phairhead said...

yr a cool, smart chick.

BTExpress said...

Like Os said, your real. Too many people put on an act.

Beautiful Dreamer said...

I had my my last blog "My imperfections are what make me beautiful". I still try to remember that everyday.
I'm very convinced we'd get along fabulously.
All your imperfections are absolutely beautiful & make you the person you are. :)

viemoira said...

Reminds me of a favorite quote of mine, "be yourself, no one can tell you you're doing it wrong". Oh and I do believe that we are all's all about perception! Happy Monday!

Southern Sage said...

What about those things isn't perfect?

southerngirl said... are describing me. Are we clones?? Love the skin you are in and embrace all that is you girl!!!

TUG said...

I like your friend's quote.

Welcome to the real world girlie :) We're all just like you!

Southern Vixen said...

God, you are the coolest chick ever. I love the way you think. And for the record, I cuss too much also. Why? Because it's FUN!

Southern Vixen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I Smile 2 Much said...

I frickin luv this post!!! Absolutely 100% real. There's nothing better than that

There's no such thing as perfect. It's just an illusion.

Keep being all kinds of you. :)