Saturday, August 30, 2008

Saturday Survey

What's a fact about the last person who called you?
He used to be "in love" with me. I always thought it was lust and infatuation more than love but who I am to tell him what he feels isn't what ever he thinks it is? Lol.


What's on your mind most today?
Life and what I'm going to do with mine.


Do you drink Red Bull or any other energy drink?
Full Throttle Fury sometimes but not very often.


Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
It depends on the situation and the person. Honestly, sometimes I do and sometimes I really don't.


Status of you and the last person you texted?
One of my friends. =)


If you could work at any clothing store, which store would you pick?
Um.. Hot Topic I guess. I'd use that discount on shoes, make up and their music selection. Oh and their sexy underwear and socks. They always have awesome socks.


Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
My boyfriend.


Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
My mom. She was talking to me just as I woke up and I half coherently mumbled something in response to something she said.


Have you ever called a person useless?
Probably. I know I have jokingly and then made sure they knew I was kidding. Oh wait, yeah I have. I refer to a few people at work as "useless to have at work" because they don't do anything at all. I can't stand when people stand around talking and then actually get MAD when they HAVE to work. Working at work? Holy shit! Someone call CNN, NBC, ABC and The National Enquirer.


Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Yes.


Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feelings?
Mostly. Sometimes, when they didn't mean to I won't.


How often do you give high fives?
Rarely.


Do you prefer a call or a text?
Either or. I hate talking on the phone too long except for with a few certain folks but sometimes it's easier to call than text. I hate answering a series of questions or giving information over text when it would be easier to call.


Have you ever been on television?
Yeah, twice.


What are you doing for your next birthday?
I have no idea. I assume liquor and friends will be involved.


Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
NO! Gosh.


Do you like anyone now?
I like lots of people. =)


What happened at 6:00 am today?
I have no idea. I was sleeping because that is a ridiculous hour to be awake at on a Saturday morning when I have nothing that needs doing. Except work later in the evening. Which does not require me to be up at 6 am. Ick. I'm sure birds were chirping, cars some where were crashing, people were grocery shopping, others were being raped at the gas pump and maybe someone was down the street eating at Denny's. I witnessed none of these phenomenons however.


What do you want in your life right now?
A clue. Please and thank you. Maybe two clues. Three if you're trying to be exceedingly helpful. Kind of like a scavenger hunt you know? Except a scavenger hunt of life and it has more important things to be found and less material things to be won.


Something you just don’t understand?
Contradictions.


Where did you last eat?
....At home.


Who's the most annoying person?
Me, probably. Haha. No... some people at work are pretty damn annoying. I'd like to grab a few of them and lock them away in a freezer.


What were you doing at 3 am?
Laying down.


Do you plan on moving out in the next year?
Heh, we're moving to a bigger house in a few months. ;) I plan on moving back to Texas some time next year so yes.


Have you ever run away from home?
Not in the way you mean. It times I went off on walks or whatever just to get away for a little while because being there was stressing or bugging me. I never honestly wanted to run away from home in the sense the question implies.


What are you looking forward to in the next week?
Getting paid again.


Who is the last person you saw in your house?
Youngest brother.


What type of mood are you in right now?
Thoughtful. Uncertain. I probably seem cranky but I'm not. I get my moods misinterpreted a lot and I just don't care to try and correct whoevers' perception because usually people will believe what they want to anyway.


Have you ever gone out in public in the same clothes you've worn to bed?
Yes, lol. It doesn't happen often but sometimes. Not a big deal. I sleep in t-shirts at times so it's all good.


What are your plans for the morning?
This morning is gone. My plans for tomorrow morning are sleep and... we'll see what happens when I wake up.


Do you have a ceiling fan located in your room?
I don't have a room! I sleep in the living room currently and no, there isn't one in here.


What sounds are you currently hearing?
A Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercial on TV.


Do you have an older and wiser friend you go to for advice?
No.


Have you questioned any people that are in your life lately?
Yes.


What was the last movie you bought and/or rented?
I purchased the Batman Begins special edition collectors thing that had all the free goodies in it.

What do you think you're going to be majoring in?
Medical. I'm going to be trusted to cut, poke, prod and inject needles into people for a living. Hmmm.... tehehe.


What will you be doing tomorrow at 3pm?
Probably getting ready for work.


What do the majority of people in your life call you?
A variation of my name or whatever nickname they like to use.


Is something bothering you right now?
Yes.


Do you prefer someone taller or shorter than you?
To date? Taller guys.


Would you rather a guy/girl make the first move or do you like a bit of a change?
I like a good mix of the two.


Are you afraid of death/dying?
Afraid, no. I'm more curious about it than I am afraid of it. It's inevitable. You really can't avoid it happening eventually so why be afraid?


Are you a religious person?
No. I'm spiritual but I'm not religious.


Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted?
Yeah, I'm sure.


Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
Yeah.


What did you do last Saturday night?
WORKED! Same thing I'm doing tonight.


Which one of your friends is going to have the cutest baby?
I already have several friends who have kids. They all have totally cute babies!


Wearing any bracelets?
Always some black ones.


Last thing someone else bought for you?
Bat Bear! <3


What are you going to do now?
Eat! I'm hungry.


Who was the last person you were under a blanket with?
My boyfriend, over a month ago. =(


Has anybody ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
Oh yes. =)


Do you like to cuddle?
With certain people, mm hmm. =)


Name something great that happened today?
Nothing. Actually nothing bad has happened today so that's great. =D Lol.


Who was the last person's voice you heard?
My mom's.


Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
Maybe. From being sick.


Do you like your life as of now?
Yes and no.


Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Nope.


Did you speak to your mother today?
Lol, yeah. She's ranting right now.


What color is your hair?
Black.


What is the last movie you watched?
I tried to watch some of Dan In Real Life last night after I got home from work but I couldn't focus on it so I gave up ten minutes in.


When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
Around five minutes ago.


Where is your significant other right now?
At work.


When was the last time you cleaned your room?
Again, I don't have a room currently.


Where do you hide your money?
I don't hide it. I deposit and I have a change jar for change.


How did you wake up this morning?
The alarm on my phone.


What's the last bone you broke?
My finger.


Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
Yep. ;) I need to get some studded earrings so I can wear them at work.


Was the first person you talked to today male or female?
My mom is female.


Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?
Of course.


When was the last time you cried really hard?
Not too long ago.


Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes.


Has anyone disappointed you recently?
Aside from myself? No, not recently.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Fuck You Friday: Alone.

I don't understand why you seem to find yourself as the end all, the be all and the all there ever was. I don't understand how you rate yourself so highly over everyone else. Why you put yourself on such a high pedestal, looking down on every single person you know and don't know.

You can't accept those lesser than you. Don't you realize you aren't better than anyone? I know you don't. There will always be someone who does what you do better. Those who would put what you do to shame. Those are the ones you despise the most though, aren't they? They are what you wish you were and you loathe their very existence just because of that. You act so high, so mighty but really you're cowering under this ridiculous facade only pretending to be more than what you are.

Garbage and venom is what you spew to those you find beneath you. Criticizing, judging, demeaning them into the ground as if their efforts mean so precious little. You laugh at them, making jokes at their expense and for what? So that you can feel better? So that you can feel validated? Really what you are is insecure in your own skin so you feel the need to belittle, to tear others down and make them feel like their efforts are wasted, meaningless, feeble little attempts turned failures. You do it in such a way they don't even realize you're being condescending at first. It sinks in slowly and then they realize. Does it make you feel good to make them feel like dirt? Does it feel good to make them feel an inch tall? I bet you feel wonderful as you tear them down for what they do. Growing in stature as they shrink before you. All they do is try and put forth their best effort but that isn't good enough. Of course, you are supremely better. Who could argue that? It wouldn't matter because you'd belittle them into the ground as well simply for disagreeing with you. Forbid someone disagree with you.

Push people down enough and they'll begin to drift away. Treat them like dirt and see how long they'll stay. They'll leave you alone one by one and then you'll end up all by your sad, pathetic little self one day. You'll blame them for leaving though. You won't ever own up to your ways and realize that you're the one at fault, you're the one to blame. You'll be bitter and alone with only yourself to blame but you'll sit by the window staring out and seeing nothing around you. Everyone has left you and it's all your fault but you'll be pointing the finger outward, pushing off all the blame to everyone but yourself. Really you should feel ashamed and point your finger at yourself. You're the one who's to blame. All your hurt, loneliness and misery is no one's fault but your own. How does it feel to be bitter and alone?





- Shinedown Lyrics


I *love* this song. It seems like I'm posting Shinedown a lot but I think that's a coincidence. ;) They are one of my favorite bands and have been for years. I love Brent Smith's voice. I love the lyrics in this song. It just also happens to be a song in one of my favorite movies about my absolute most favorite super hero guy. Mmm. That's just a bonus. ;) If you don't like it, that's cool but don't bash me for liking it. I'm entitled to like what I want to just as much as you are. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it bad. Mmkay.


Have a Great
Weekend Y'all!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

HNT: Lilies 5

Warning, I'm about to rant about a feminine subject. So dudes, you might want to skip this paragraph. As might anyone else who doesn't want to read anything about Aunt Flo. I'm pretty sure a man came up with the "Have A Happy Period" slogan. Or a woman who has an easy period. Those do exist as one of my friends goes for 3 days during her cycle, hardly bleeds, never bloats and rarely gets any cramps. She's perfectly healthy too. I can't bitch. Much. Mine doesn't last long but I have painful cramps that hurt like all fucking hell which is the part I hate the most. How can anything that makes you bleed for days, cramp, bloat and various other things depending on who you are be something to be happy over? Please. If their products magically make everything about this monthly cycle less of a pain in the ass, I must be buying the wrong boxes of products then because I've seen no such thing. Like I said, I don't have much to bitch about and all but that slogan just annoys me. =) /Rant.

I love bottled water, cupcakes, cheese, good movies, homemade spaghetti, Texas Hold 'Em, fresh clean sheets, texting, talking to my boyfriend and nice long showers. All of these are things that made my Wednesday a good day. =)



Happy
Thursday!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Weirdness

1The very awesome and amazing JeannieGrrl made this button for me. She has a new block on her website called "Blog Warriors" and myself and five others are listed there with our own Jeannie made little buttons. You can read about that here which you should because it explains the whole Blog Warriors things and you can check out her awesome website plus some other awesome blogs she has listed. =) I'm no warrior, in my opinion, lol. Jeannie just adores me for her reasons and I'm cool with that because I admire her and think she's a really badass lady. I've never met her and probably never will but I have respect for her for all that she deals with and goes through day to day.

I had something else I wanted to say but now I've forgotten. Hrmph. *shrugs* I'll come back and edit later if I remember and it happens to be important enough, lol.

Oh, I realize that some people ask questions in their blog comments after I post a comment but I tend to forget to go back and check. Usually I don't think my comments would inspire any questions so if it's something you really want the answer to, you're better off emailing me instead of asking in a comment. Or come here and ask on my blog. Either way is best at getting an answer. ;)

On to the Weirdness! It was my turn for questions this week. Fun fun. If you want to submit questions for us to use, visit the blog and e-mail myself or MG. ;)

Wednesday Weirdness

1. How often do you talk to your siblings?

Since I live with my family again, every day. When I'm not living with them... I talk to the younger two at least once a week and then my other brother I talk to less frequently, maybe once or month or so.


2. How well do you deal when given an ultimatum?

Not very well at all. I hate being forced into anything and I don't appreciate being forced to make a decision at all. That is not the way to get me to do anything.


3. Have you ever dated someone or had a lover who had an emotional or mental disorder?

Yeah. My ex Luke, know as C/A or C/D, had a lot of issues. He was a cutter and he smoked weed every day. He liked being high and he liked that being high helped him avoid the fact that his mom didn't give a shit about him or his brother. He was a mess and I went through more shit with him than I have ever gone through with anyone else. We changed each other in a lot of ways at the time. We had a rather unhealthy relationship for the better part of the time we were together.

I went on a few dates with one guy who had multiple personality disorder. I didn't know that until we had hung out a few times though and he finally explained to me why he acted so oddly. He ended up moving spur of the moment a couple days after that talk about his personality disorder to a city several hours away and I never heard or saw of him again.


4. How do you feel about crossdressing?

Not for me but I don't hate other people for doing it. If my boyfriend wanted to, it would take a little getting used to and I would hope he'd buy his own as his 6'8" frame wouldn't fit into anything of mine. Of course, he isn't in to that so I don't have to worry about him stealing my undies or shirts or anything. =) To each their own.


5. Have you ever lied about the number of sexual partners you have had to someone? Why?

To family I have. I'm not sure why. I think at the time, I was just uncomfortable with them knowing it was more than they thought. Also I wasn't open about being bisexual and I didn't want to include females into the number. I've never lied about it to a friend, person I was dating or in a relationship with.


6. Does your significant other have the same political and religious views that you do? How often do you discuss politics and religion with them?

Religious: Neither of us is religious. We do have opinions on the subject and there are things we agree on and things we don't agree on. While we don't always agree, we respect each other enough to not try and force the others views on to the other person and change their views and beliefs. Though since being with me, he's more open to the idea of supernatural things where as before it was, nothing exists, lol. I'm sure he thinks some of the ritual things I do and some of the things I believe in are a little nutty but he doesn't bother me about any of it and I don't bother him about his lack of belief in things. I do question it since I like to question things and I'm always curious to know why people believe the things they do.

Political: We don't really talk politics. He has little interest in them for the most part and so I don't discuss political stuff with him very much. We've had conversations about it before but they're usually short and again, we don't try to tell one that the other is wrong when they think differently. I can do heavy rational discussions but hot subjects usually turn to arguments with most people and they end up arguing in circles. It's pointless when you get to a point like that. The idea for me, isn't to change someone's beliefs or views. I just like to know where people stand and why that's where they stand. There are a few things I will argue to the death but politics just isn't one of them.

7. What sport, if any, do you find to be most boring?

Watching golf kills me. I don't watch it. It kills me. It puts me to sleep. I just can't do it.

Nascar bores me too. It starts out interesting but after a few laps, I'm done. I love cars, I really do but hundreds of laps around a track is just too boring to hold my attention for long. I'd rather watch a demolition derby if I'm watching something with cars. =D

8. Have you ever honestly peed in the pool?
Not that I ever recall. That's just gross. I'm not so lazy that I won't get out and run to the bathroom. I hate peeling off wet clothing as much as anyone because it's really such a pain but I'll do it if I need to go to the restroom bad enough.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Fairy fairy of the ball...

Tomorrow is Wednesday Weirdness and once again, it's my turn to post up the questions for all to answer. Come over and play with us. ;) It'll be fun. =) Make sure to comment over there and let us know you're playing AND make sure if your profile doesn't list your blog that you direct us with somewhere to go. Please and thank you. =)

TMI Tuesday


You find a fairy. With a wave of their wand they can change anything for you.

What is the one thing you would change about your body?


I'd be a 2 or 3 inches taller so I could be 5'9" or 5'10" or so. I always wanted to be about that tall. Not sure why. I already have issues buying pants long enough but meh, lol.


What is the one personality trait you would change?

I'd change my level of patience. I'd have more, a lot more, lol.

That or I'd learn the have far better control over my issues of what comes out of my mouth. I speak rather impulsively a lot. I usually mean what I say but some things are better left un-blurted out, lol.


What is the one thing about your job you would change?

I'd be a rockstar instead if a drink maker, lol. Or if I just have to change something about my job, everything would clean and refill itself when need be.


What is the one thing about your home you would change?

It would be an actual home and not a townhouse.


What is the one thing about your Significant Other you would change?

Either... he'd be less lazy or he'd be more punctual. One or the other. He's horrible about time, lol. Everything else, I like fine.


Who is the one person you would poof out of your life and why?

No one. I don't have anyone in my life who I don't want there. The people I work with that I dislike, I see only at work and don't care about them anywhere outside of there. Neighbors who annoy, I wouldn't do anything with because I don't see them enough to care. So, no one.


Who is the one person you would poof back in and why?

No one living. The only people I'd like to have back in my life are ones that I've lost to death and I think that's messing with something I shouldn't mess with. Though, it might be kind of cool but still. The others I've lost for other reasons, they can stay gone.



I haven't been posting much of substance lately. I have wrote some things but then I ended up deleting them because I decided I didn't want any of those things posted. I'm thinking about ditching this blog and starting over somewhere else. I don't like not posting things I want to write because of certain issues.

Anyway...

Today is my day off. Hooray! Tomorrow is my day off also. Then Thursday to Sunday I work until midnight or later. I'm happy though. Today, I'm getting all my laundry done. Clothes, bedsheets, bathrobe and towels.

I also slept in ridiculously late today. Seriously. Last night, I got home from work around 1 AM and took a shower. Then I stayed up watching a kids cartoon that I totally dig with my sister. My brother who is the one who got her and I into this show records the episodes on DVR and we watch several episodes in succession to get caught up on. We watched for an hour and a half then she went up to bed. By then it was 3:30 AM and I picked up a book I am currently reading. I was on chapter two and vowed to read the next two chapters only and go to bed. Then 6:00 AM hit and I finally put the book down after getting halfway through the book. Oops, lol.
I slept until 1:30 PM today. Oops. =)

I was totally amused by the TMI theme today. My book I'm reading involves all sorts of mythical creatures such as vampires, gargoyles, mages, fairies and much more.

First thing I did today was got up and headed in to the bathroom to grab my progesterone pill that keeps my back and pelvic region from being in insane amounts of pain. It took one day of those pills to ease up the pain I was in. Now after a week of them, I'm not hurting at all for the most part. Thankfully. I'm supposed to take the pill around 1 every day so I didn't sleep too late past the time I was to take it. Plus I can take it up to 5 hours late and still be okay so whee. They're such tiny little things, I'm always afraid I'm going to pop one out and then lose it. Seriously. There are cookie crumbs bigger than this pill I'm taking. It's about the size of those regular sized chocolate chips you baked with, just not as much in height. They're incredibly easy to take. I don't even realize when I swallow it most of the time. Which is great because I have a *slight* hang up regarding taking pills.

That's all. I need to go pay my half of the cell phone bill while the internet is working. *knock on wood* It's been acting shifty again the last couple of days. Bleh! Hehe.


Happy
Tuesday!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Burning Bright




- Shinedown Lyrics


This has always been one of my favorite songs by this band. As long as I like them, it will always be one of my favorite songs by them. It's nothing spectacular but the meaning and understanding I find in the lyrics often fits with how I feel. At times.

The sound quality is pretty good but trust me, he sounds far better when you hear him sing live. I was so pleasantly surprised that he sings fine and dandy without any digital mastering. He sounds okay in the music up there but meh, it's the internet. That's not the full song either, obviously. ;) What's important for the sake of my post isn't the sound quality, it's the lyrics and how they fit with what I can't seem to write out into any understandable text right now.


Happy
Monday.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

I....

I would: make a kick ass vampire.

I severely dislike: rudeness, two faced people, fake people, back stabbing, hypocrisy, sex offenders, dishonesty, animal cruelty, abuse, sugar coating, false pretenses, bad table manners, laziness, excess amounts of whining, commercials, bad drivers, Aunt Flo and bra shopping.

I love: music, cheese, sex, cars, hockey, Batman, art, texting, basketball, going to shows, reading, coffee, blogging, leather, vanilla scented candles, eyeliner, movies, black lights, pillows, lava lamps, cuddling, sleep, my boyfriend and my family. Among many other things.

I fear: being a failure for the rest of my life. Always being disappointed in myself. Never feeling good enough for anything. Rope bridges. Clowns. Porcelain dolls.

I am paranoid: once in a while, when I let my imagination get the best of me.

I want to: see more of the world.

I hate that I: am so hard on myself.

I love that I: speak my mind.

I could: go insane if I didn't have music and him.

I never: want to be a carbon copy of what I can't stand.

I say: not enough at times and too much other times.

I don't say: things that are thought out of spite and venom, most of the time.

I feel: like two people converged in to one.

I will: try hard to stay determined in my current goals.

I rarely ever: blame my problems on others.

I regret: very little.

I can't imagine: what my life would be like without him.

I look in the mirror and see: in my reflection, a hundred imperfections. Deeper, I see a mess.

I long for: understanding and compassion. Understanding of others and true understanding of me for others. Compassion, I wish I had more as I hardly have any. It makes me feel cold.

I am not: who I used to be.

I believe in: soul mates. Not one, but many.

I know: one person who can make me cry so easily when it takes the rest of the world so very, very much more.

I hide: my emotions quite a lot.

I find comfort in: music, words, writing, his arms.

I give: what I can.

I fight: for what I believe in.

I have a: bad temper but I've learned to control it much better than I used to.

I lose: myself in thought.

I always try: to figure things out on my own.

I need to: trust some people more and not be so afraid of getting hurt.

I care: a lot.

I never leave the house: without my cell phone, wallet and door key.

I will one day: rule the world. =)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

HNT: Lilies 4

I enjoyed my day off Wednesday. I went to work and got my check. Then it was on to the bank.

Then it was on to the AT&T store. I got my cell phone problem taken care of. I have a new phone and phone insurance once again.

I went to Target and did some shopping. I got a new random Batman junk out of the $1 bins. A new pair of black pants. Hair Color. Season 1 of Two and A Half Men for Boyfriend, just because he loves that show and I wanted to buy him something. I'll mail it to him with some things I need to send him. A necklace with two black dangling stars. Biore facial cleanser. Mascara.

Then it was on to Best Buy. I got The Batman Begins "Limited Edition" Gift Set. I really wanted the art work and the special features disk. I had a $15 gift card so the $33 set cost me a little over $17. It rocks.

After that, it was dinner with my mom, dad, youngest brother and sister at Red Lobster. Other brother had to work from 4 pm to midnight so he missed out on that.

After dinner we stopped by CostCo so we could get some items.

Then it was off to Baskin Robbins for some ice cream. I love Reese's ice cream. Mmm.

Then it was home. I spent almost 2 hours on the phone with my love. That made me so happy.. until I had to hang up. He really stayed up too late talking to me. We got off the phone at 1:30 AM his time(Central time) and he has to be up at 7 AM Thursday to shower and get ready for work. I love him for missing out on sleep just to talk to me though.



Happy
Thursday!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Weirdness.

The doctor's appointment went well Tuesday afternoon. I will post more on it later once I have all the phrasings and stuff down. I got some pills and I've already felt some slight relief in my lower back/ovaries and my pelvis. I have some pain in some womanly regions now though thanks to the exam, lol. I'll update on it more later though, promise. Thanks for all the comments of concern and what not, y'all rock! =)

I get paid today! Hell yes. I'm not broke but I'm so close it's not even funny. If I didn't rock so hard at budgeting and didn't have an awesome boyfriend who helped me with financial stuff, I'd be broke.

I need to quit smoking! I stopped. Work stresses me out. I started again. Fuck I suck. =/ Lol. I need to find a better way to deal with stress at work. Smoking is such a nasty, bad habit. Not to mention the money I could save not smoking, lol. *Sigh*

Wednesday Weirdness #17

1.) You just bought a snazzy new leather jacket for an awesome price at the local outlet shop. When you got it home you found $2000 (cash) in the jacket's inner pocket. What are you going to do?

Oooh. My immediate reaction is to say keep it. Then I think, damn that would be wrong. Then I think if I take it back to the store and give the money to someone there, are they going to do anything right with it or are they going to pocket it and act like I was just some friend paying them money I owe them? I could call the store and see if anyone had called inquiring about losing a substantial amount of money. If they said yes, I would get in touch with that person and give them their dinero back. If they said no, I'd wait a week and then check again. Still no? I'm keeping it. That way I at least tried to do the right thing and if no one pops up missing the money, it's like the universe giving me back some of what I've donated and put to charitable use. Right? Right. =D


2.) If you could change or eliminate one wedding tradition, what would it be? What is your favorite wedding tradition?

I think that kind of thing is a personal choice. I've been to a quite a few weddings and no one is exactly the same. I know for me, I don't want my wedding to be very traditional. For one, the white dress won't be happening. I don't wear white and it just isn't "me" ya know? I also want a darker feel to my wedding because I want it to fit my personality better. What I really want is a very small ceremony with just me, the guy I marry and close friends and family in attendance. Then invite the rest of the world to the reception so everyone can celebrate together but good luck finding someone to agree with that. It would also probably hurt peoples feelings and make them feel like they were good enough to come celebrate but not good enough to see the ceremony. It'd be my/our choice either way and I don't want to deal with that many hurt feelings, lol. So for me, the wedding tradition I would take away from my wedding would be the white dress. My favorite tradition is the wedding cake, lol. I do love a good cake. I also dig the whole bubbles thing I've seen lately instead of the rice throwing. You blow bubbles instead of throwing rice. I just dig blowing bubbles. I'm a little kid at heart when it comes to the awesomeness that is bubbles.


3.)If you were on Gilligan’s Island, who would you want to share your hut with? Who would you consider it torture to have to share a hut with?

The Professor to share. He might be fun. I love smart men and I think we'd have fun. Or Mary Ann.

Torture would be Gilligan. He'd be funny at first and amuse me but eventually, after a few days, I think he'd drive me up the wall and I'd want to kill him. Or the rich wife. She'd drive me crazy too.


4.) Have you ever called your current significant other by another name at any point? What happened?

Uh no. Almost but it was names of friends that I've almost called him. I don't remember ever almost calling him an ex's name. I definitely never have.


5.) If you were going to be famous under a stage name, what would you pick your stage name to be? Why? What do you want to be famous doing?

Lily Star. It sounds like a suicide girl name or a stripper name but whatever. I'd be famous for being a rock star. Duh.


6.) During sex, do you ever fantasize about someone other than your partner?

Sometimes, females though and when it happens I tell him. He's okay with that. I've never fantasized about another guy while having sex with Boyfriend though.


7.) Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?

Each have times where they would be the worse. If I were trying to have a conversation, too loud would be worse. If I were trying to read and focus on it, too loud would be worse. Mostly, I think too quiet is worse though. It's nice to relax in silence after a lousy, stressful day. Or if you've been around loud, obnoxious people or screaming, loud children all day... a little silence seems like paradise.
At times, I find bliss and pleasure in silence but never for longer than an hour or so. I like music and background noise as it helps keep my over active and anxiety ridden mind distracted. Too much silence gives me too much time to think on a hundred different thoughts and that's not often a good thing. Plus, I just love having music on. More feels right in the world when I have music. Silence can be so horribly loud sometimes without it.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

TMI Tuesday


1. Are you truly politically correct? Be honest.


Hahaha. Nope. I'm not, at all and I don't attempt to be. I speak my mind in a very blunt manner. I also have a rather weird, random, slightly twisted and sometimes morbid sense of humor. Not to mention my wit and sarcasm. I do take caution in a lot of instances to be polite and respectful though. I probably should watch what I say more but I don't and probably never will.


2. Will you ever streak in public during rush hour?

Possibly. It depends on what I'm getting for doing this. If I get nothing, no thanks. I'm endangering my life here. Some bozo in a car might become so shocked and distracted they let go of the brake and run me down. Someone might be so appalled by it that they throw random objects from their car while shouting obscenities at me. Oh and I'm nude so I'm potentially barefoot and might step on glass or other harmful materials that are on the ground. There is also the issue of running nude and one or both of my huge boobs bouncing up and smacking me in the face and possibly injuring me. I won't be taking these kinds of risks if there is no financial or awesome material gain to come from it.


3. Would you ever do something sexual in public (more than 20 people around)?

I have. I would again and probably will.


4. Do you ever not have good table manners?

I don't think so. I think burping is my worst thing that falls under bad manners. Though if I'm with people, I try to keep my mouth closed and cover my mouth with my hand so that it isn't loud or anything. Sometimes I forget. Otherwise, I have rockin' table manners. I hate when people talk with food in their mouth or chew with their mouth open. Really, I already see what you're having, I don't need to see it as it's being chomped around in your mouth.


5. Do you ever fantasize about a public sexual act? Describe.

Hmm.. fantasize huh? Not really fantasize. I've done plenty of sexual acts in public. Not to sound arrogant about it or anything but public sex doesn't seem like a big deal to me because I have done it so many times. At first, I did it to see if I'd get away with it and because it was something I shouldn't be doing. Now, it's still exciting but it's not something I fantasize about. I like that sometimes you're doing things and people pass by and have no clue. Like a hand job in a booth in the middle of the bar, not some back corner tucked away. Sex at a rock festival while a band you don't care for is on. Or getting your nipples licked and being fingered as you drive down the highway late at night passing dozens of cars and truckers. Some seeing and some never knowing what's going on in the car passing them. It's exciting and feels a little wrong and that's what I like about public sex. My only thing is to be conscious of if there are going to be kids around or not that might potentially see something going on accidentally. I wouldn't intentionally do something where a kid would accidentally catch a glimpse or something, that's wrong.

Anyway, like I was saying before I got carried away... I don't really fantasize too much about public stuff but I am always looking around and seeing potential in far too many places, lol. Does that count? Hehe. =D


*Bonus* Have you ever gone through a true sexual fantasy? Describe.

I have done quite a few. I remember when I was 18, I made drinks at this place that had an outdoor area with a sand volleyball court and an inflatable bounce house and I had it bad to get it on in that bounce house after hours. I just really wanted to do it and after asking a few times, my boyfriend at the time decided to stop being a chicken and do it with me. The bounce has was visible from one of the main streets in the city but late at night, it wasn't like there was a lot of traffic. They didn't deflate the bounce house a lot of the time and there were ways to get in once the gate was locked. ;) I screwed in the bounce house a couple times when it had been left up by a careless manager and decided it wasn't that great and never had the urge to do it again. Some fantasies definitely sound hotter in your head. Then once you do them, it's just not how you imagined it to be.

Another
one of mine was to do an all girl threesome and that happened quite a few times in my late teens. Those times were all pretty fun.

I still have other fantasies I want to play out and hopefully Boyfriend can help me with those, lol. He knows all of them and wants to help me out with making them real. We just need to get them done. Being in the same state again will be a good start, lol. =D


I'm so tired. Pay day is Wednesday which is also "AR Doesn't Have To Work Day" AKA my night off. This rocks because I'm broke as fuck. I think comfy work shoes will be the first thing I buy. No wait. Money towards a cell phone will be the first thing I buy. I had a mishap with my lovely Samsung slider at work on Sunday night. It died a horrid death but it wasn't my fault. It was someone I work with getting a little crazy with a water hose while we were cleaning the floors. He did it accidentally however and didn't even realize he had sprayed me which sadly got my phone quite wet. It died. So sad. I'm using an old ass Nokia flip phone of mine until I can afford to buy myself a new one. So phone and hopefully shoes for this check. I'll be putting any extra away for gas, food and my just in case shit happens fund. I like to have extra money for potential accidents of any kind. Ya never know. ;)

Today is my appointment at the doctor. I'm a little nervous. Good energy sent my way is appreciated. =)

Another Suburban Mom rocks. I was finally able to get in my gmail and check it Monday and what do I see? An email saying ASM sent me a virtual boquet card with pretty sunflowers on it. Also a sweet little message on there too. It really made my day a little more bright. I love random acts of sweetness.

Come play Wednesday Weirdness with us tomorrow! Please. =)




Happy Tuesday!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Doctors, imminent death and cuddling.

I usually really dislike doctor visits. I don't often go see a doctor. I'm not one of those who sneeze and run to the doctor. If a few nights of OTC medicines and sleep don't cure me, then I'll go. Usually, I don't end up needing to go. With my current lower back/pelvic problems... I'm counting the hours down until I get to go to the doctor on Tuesday. I know that isn't a magic fix but I'm hoping something good comes from it. I have been taking Vicodin for the pain. When I'm home, I spend some time with a heating pad at my lower back. Between those two things, it's helped ease the pain I feel which I am grateful for. I imagine working without the ease of the Vico would be HELL considering the pain I'm in when I wake up in the morning.

I have no patience for snobby, self entitled, spoiled little rich kids. I work with a guy who is younger than me but that description fits him perfectly. I want to punch him in the mouth as hard I can around 90% of the time he opens his mouth. I'm sure his daddy would pay for his dental work immediately so it's not like it's a big deal really. Except for the whole assault thing is they happened to have me arrested and pressed charges against me. That's potentially a problem. I could always plead that I had temporarily gone insane from having to listen to this brats incessant rambling on about his fathers business this, money that, snide comment here, dad this, rude comment there, money here, douchebaggery here, money there, etc etc. He also thinks he can do what he wants, when he wants, where he wants because he is above every one's rules. I swear I might choke the spoiled, obnoxious, self entitled little fuck one night. =D

I miss my boyfriend. *Sigh* I can go most of the day without thinking on it too much but the end of the night is when it really hits me. It's the time I can't avoid the feelings or ignore them anymore. During the day, I can be kept busy with things such as laundry, reading, swimming, errands and various other things. During the evening and night I am kept busy with work. After work? I come home. I vent and talk to my mom and two youngest siblings since they are night owls and generally still up. My dad and other brother are usually asleep. If that brother isn't asleep, he's busy or out doing something. Anyway; I rant, they rant back, we laugh and it's nice. I love being around them. All the chatting is a good way to unwind after work and my youngest brother is just so damn cute, it's hard to stay annoyed around him.

Then I shower and try to relax. My way to relax was to lay down and talk with Boyfriend, rant or vent if need be. Laugh and joke, cuddle and kiss. I miss that. I know I'll have it again here one of these days but I just don't seem to stay busy enough for the days to fly by. I'm hoping we get to see each other in October. In all actuality, that isn't *that* far away but... I'm used to being around the big dork every day. I miss having someone to sleep with. Not just for sex though that is greatly missed as well. I miss falling asleep next to his warm body, arms wrapped around me, pulling me close, nuzzling my hair and neck, massaging my sides and hips. Soft kisses brushed gently against my hair, neck and shoulders. Giggling and murmuring ridiculous and sweet things to each other in the dark. It's wonderful. One thing being away from him has given me though is that I realize now how much I just love being with him. You spend day after day with someone and things start to blur together, become a bit fuzzy and you forget to notice when you have something special. You don't always stop to realize and to appreciate the truly wonderful thing you have because you're so used to it that it becomes sort of routine in a way. You end up taking the love and affection for granted, as if it's just another every day thing no more special than any other thing you do day in and day out. I shouldn't do that so much. I'll see if I can work on that once we're back to not living 2,000 miles apart. :)

Remember, Wednesday Weirdness is almost here. You know you want to play with us. ;)

Anyway... It's almost 3 AM now and I need to get my ass to sleep. I'm all nice and warm thanks to the heating pad nestled on my lower back. Being warm makes me sleepy. Not to mention being flat tired. I'll get to some comments and emails tomorrow. I'm so looking forward to my day off Wednesday. I'm going to be so lazy. =)

Monday-MySpace-Comments

Friday, August 15, 2008

Fuck You Friday

Just because I am bisexual does NOT mean I find every girl I see attractive. In fact, it's not even close to that. If I see 50 girls in a day, chances are I'll find maybe half of them attractive if it's just that kind of day but likely it's going to be 10 to 15 instead that are attractive to me. Being bisexual doesn't mean that I find every set of tits that passes me by hot. Even if you are hot, if you have a shitty attitude or carry yourself in a shitty manner, well that just makes you ugly. Being conceited, rude, snotty, bitchy, really catty, condescending, acting like a princess and several other traits will turn the most pretty girl into an ugly little creature.

I hate when a girl finds out I'm bisexual and then turns every look put in her direction as me checking her out. That is so annoying. Then they are either freaked out, uncomfortable or bitchy about it. Honey, I'm amused that you think yourself so damn good looking that you assume everyone must be checking you out for no one can resist you. Here in the real world, outside of your head away from your imagination and conceited outlook, that just isn't how it is.

How hard is it to say "please", "thank you" and "excuse me" people? It doesn't seem hard to me. I grew up getting scolded if I didn't say please and thank you. I got scolded for not having basic manners. I still have them. I'll be polite to everyone a few times but if I'm around you often enough, like at work, and I find that you're a rude asshole, don't expect me to keep my manners in tact very long. Don't call me rude either because you think you deserve to be treated nice and polite even though you don't treat other people that way.


Ahem...

Now that I'm done bitching about people....

I've got issues going on with my body, more specifically my lower back and my pelvic region. The pain is so bad that I'm having trouble walking at times. When one of the spasms hits, it's almost enough to bring me to the ground. I have a high pain tolerance but this shit is HELL. We think we know what it is but I don't want to say anything until I know. No worries, I don't think it's anything life threatening. ;) I'm going Tuesday or Wednesday hopefully to get it figured out and hopefully get what I need to take care of some of this awful pain. *Sigh* Send me good energy please, I think I could use some, lol.

Thanks for all the comments on my HNT yesterday y'all! I appreciate it! Thanks for the few comments on the new header picture and the slight layout changes. I had no intention on changing the header picture but I ran across the one up there now and decided I had to use it for something. Voila. I love it. =)


Have A Great
Weekend Y'all!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

HNT. Lilies 3: Smilin

I don't have much to say today. I'm in kind of a somber, thoughtful mood right now. I always have a lot on my mind. I took a lot in Wednesday though. It was an interesting day to say the least. A very emotional day for me but I kept that to myself for the most part. I had an anxiety attack in the bathroom but managed to calm myself rather quickly and regain my composure relatively quickly. I was proud for getting myself under control before I became a hysterical mess. I was lost in thought and in an odd mood half of the day. I went back and forth between being amused by everything as if I were high and then back to being thoughtful and quiet.

Remember I said I don't smile often? I don't. It's true. Asking my boyfriend wouldn't count because he makes me smile a lot. He's one of the few that can do that. You'd think I laugh and smile all the time if you meet me around him because he makes me smile a lot and laugh a lot. He just amuses me. If you look just right, you'll find me smiling for HNT this week though. ;)



Happy
Thursday!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Hello, my name is Jamie Blueberry! =)

Tuesday I had the day off from work. I spent it relaxing, doing laundry and taking my youngest brother swimming. That works out well because he loves going in the pool and I love swimming. It also works well because swimming is great exercise. So is horseplay with a hyper 13 year old boy. He thinks he's wicked because he can lift me out of the water and toss me a little bit. I'll admit, that is pretty cool. I know it's easier to do in water but he can get me going a good bit. It surprises me because he's actually small for his age. Go him! He went and road his bike for about 4.5 miles after dinner. He's doing some light training for the upcoming hockey season. After all that, I spent the rest of my free Tuesday night talking on the phone with my boyfriend. <3>Sometimes I wonder if he realizes the ways he's changed my views on certain things. I'm a better person because of him. He is always there for me, even when we're 2,000 miles apart. He's my shoulder to lean on, the arms to comfort me, the ears to listen to me and the voice that won't always tell me what I want to hear but what I need to hear. Sex, my opinions on music and a hundred other things plus plenty of easier subjects, I've always been very open on. The harder emotional stuff, not so much but I'm getting better about that too.

Moving on... =)


1. Is there anything hanging from your vehicle's rear view mirror?

Sometimes I hang a strand of beads that I think of as protection for certain reasons. Other times, I hang a leather cord that has a pentagram attached to it. Other times it's an angel on a strand of black and dark red beads. Those are only during certain times or when I feel a certain way. Yes, I know I'm weird but it's fine. Usually, I don't hang anything on there though because it annoys me, lol.


2. When you go into the bathroom, do you ever check behind the shower curtain? You know, to make sure no one is miraculously hiding back there.

I do, sometimes. Most of the time, haha. I don't know why and no it isn't because of a book or a movie. I've done it since I was a little kid. I have a very active imagination. I realize it's silly but it's a habit I've had since I was about 6, kind of hard to break it. Occasionally, I reach for the shower curtain to check the shower and I stop myself before fully doing it.


3. At what age did your mom or dad give you "the talk" about sex?

My mom and I never had "the talk" really. I didn't want her talking to me about it. She wasn't awkward about the subject but I didn't want to have the discussion. I did love to read though so she figured she'd do it a different way. She spent weeks looking through books on all the subjects and gave me a few very educational books to read on everything. I read them and I learned. She made sure to tell me several times if I had anything I wanted to ask to come and ask her and she'd be happy to fill in the blanks for me. I don't remember if I ever had any questions for her. I got a little older and I explored more into different books on my own and other things. Sexuality was a confusing thing for me to deal with because I knew I liked boys but I liked the way some girls looked to. At the young pre-teen age I was when I realized this, it was hard for me because it felt like it was very wrong for me to feel that way. I tried to ignore it and hoped once I got a little older I wouldn't feel that way anymore. I thought about asking my mom about my feelings but I felt too embarrassed by it to tell her I liked boys and girls and ask about what that meant. I ignored it until I was a young teenager and decided that I still liked guys and girls too and that maybe it wasn't going to go away. I still felt embarrassed and ashamed of it until I was 15 and as most of you know, it was only a little over a month ago that I finally came out and asked my mom if she knew I was bisexual or not. Thanks to the cousin of mine lurking around my blog and telling my mom and siblings everything I was posting anyway, I assumed he would have mentioned that I was bisexual as well. If not, oh well, they knew then. They didn't care so I was happy.


4. If you could add anything at all to an airplane to make trips more interesting, what would it be and why?

I want to kick my ass for this question right now, lol. I'd like to say add a mini bar but I'm sure they would have to regulate the amount of drinks one is allowed. Maybe add in something silly like a dance floor and have Go-Go dancers entertaining people. Maybe the dance floor and have it available to passengers to go dance. That would probably be amusing to watch as well. Some kind of entertainment better than lousy movies. A coffee bar would be good too. The kind that serves coffee, lattes, all that crap along with sweets, teas and juices. Yep, lets fatten up these passengers. Maybe a few little cabins with beds in them so people don't have to join the mile high club in the bathroom, bwa ha ha. I would also probably be far less tense about flying with that on there. Hell, I really don't know. Like I said, I want to kick my ass for thinking this question up, lol.


5. What is one thing you and your significant other can never seem to agree on?

Hmm. I can't think of anything. If I do, I'll come back and edit. =)


6. Have you ever walked in on someone else having sex? How did you and the people involved react?

Yes. Several times. A few times, the reactions were "oops" and "omg" and embarrassment on everyone's part. Other times it was "oops", "omg" and "hahahah! sorry!" Twice it was two females I fooled around with and I ended up watching for a little bit before joining them to play. Another time I walked in on a couple in which the guy was a friend of mine and the girl was his current fuck buddy. It was awkward at first mainly because I knew that particular girl had a boyfriend and I worked with him. I ended up excusing myself back out of the room. Later, they wanted me to watch them have sex and asked if I would be okay with that. My guy friend was hot and the girl was cute but I wasn't sure I wanted to. I tried it anyway and found that I had a little voyeur in me. I don't mind watching but that's something I'd much rather do than see someone else do. By the way, most of those times did occur while alcohol and parties were involved. Only thrice did the above mentioned things happen while everyone involved was sober, not on any drugs and not during a party or small get together. In case anyone was wondering, lol.


7. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What is one topic that can put you to sleep quicker than any other?

Technical computer stuff. My boyfriend can build computers and knows tons of things about computers. I love him to death but when he gets going on computer stuff, aye, it drives me nuts. It's nothing personal to do with him. My dad and about three, maybe four of my male friends are also computer nuts and they start talking about anything technical and my mind sets sail to go else where, lol.

Happy Wednesday Y'all!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

TMI Tuesday


1. What is your favorite song to have sex to?


I don't have one. I play music before sex but with my current boyfriend, I hear the first song (if even...) and then after that, I'm too busy doing or enjoying to even realize music is still on. I hear it but it's just like very far off background noise. I hear it as just noise. I don't hear lyrics even though I know they're there.
If I'm even paying attention to what song is on while I'm having sex, one or both of us isn't doing something right.


2. What is your vision of hell?

A realm in which ice cream, sex, music, loved ones, food, hockey, football, books, rum, Batman, Egyptian cotton sheets, sleep, clean bathrooms and art all do not exist. I know it's a flippant answer but I'm not in the mood to answer this question in a serious way. Honestly, if you took all of those things out of my life, I would feel like I was in Hell. Maybe it's not that flippant after all. ;)


3. In the film made of your life, who will play you?

We covered this already. I said Christina Ricci. We also covered the reasons in which why she would be an odd pick for me, lol. I would go for Thora Birch or Eva Mendes playing me probably. They'd be cool. Or maybe Rose McGowan. She seems like she could play a crazy girl pretty well.


4. What is the one thing you most urgently need to tell your mom?

Nothing. If there was something I needed to urgently tell her, I would have told her already or I would be telling her right now instead of typing this.


5. What will be carved onto your tombstone?

I have no idea. I haven't put any thought into such a thing actually and honestly, I don't want to right now. I would probably put something silly right now, being young and silly. Something that I probably wouldn't still want at an older age. If I'm doing sometime soon, that would work fine. I am hoping I live quite a bit longer than my twenties so I won't answer this one now.


*Bonus* What is your drag name (which would be, first name: the name of your first pet; last name: the name of the street you grew up on)?

Jamie Blueberry. That's one of the street names I remember the most. I've moved over 20 times in my 23 years of living but Berry was the one we lived on the longest. Jamie Meadows or Jamie Queens sounds cooler for a drag name buuuut that would be cheating the question, lol.


*My feet are killing me. I blame my shoes. I need better shoes to work in. These are comfy for a while but standing in them constantly for 7, 8, 9 hour shifts? Fuck no. Not even with the expensive, spiffy insoles I have in them. Insoles that I know rock because I used the same ones in my last work shoes and they were great. It's the shoes! They even feel uncomfortable to be in after a certain amount of time. So... new work shoes go on the list of things I need.

**I drink tons of water at work. This is good because, it's water. I don't drink "dangerous" amounts but I drink enough. This is bad because I have to run to the bathroom a lot. It doesn't matter what I drink, if I drink a lot of something, I'm peeing a lot. I have problems there thanks to a drunk driver almost killing me when I was 5. I didn't die by some miracle but I have some internal physical issues that I've had since then that just decided to tag along into adulthood instead of growing up with me. Of course. Anyway... Some of the people I work with think I'm running to the bathroom once every other hour because I'm being lazy and trying to avoid working. They can think what they want, I know I'm running in there to piss. I don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone unless a manager happens to say something to me. Let the people say what they want to say. I say, fuck them. =)

***I want some Hershey's dark chocolate covered pretzels. Oh my gosh. So good. Mmm. Someone send me some. I've looked in a couple stores here for them and no, I cannot find them. So, so sad. I must keep looking until I find them. Bwa ha ha.

****I miss the rain. A thing I love about Texas is the wicked thunderstorms we get. I do hate and feel bad when they cause the damage that they do. Which, trust me, they can fuck some stuff up. I do love a nice thunderstorm or a good rain. I feel happy in gloomy weather. I don't know why. I love when it rains. I love overcast days. I love to sit and watch the rain. Lightning and thunder is a bonus. The rain alone is fine. I kind comfort in watching the water fall from the sky. I think it has something to do with my affinity for water. I love to be near water. I love swimming simply because it's done in water. I love going to the lake, the river, the ocean, the waterfall or anything like that. I don't even need to be in the water, just near it. To hear it rushing by and watching as it ripples and splashes.. I love it. Being in it is just that much better. =)

Moving on....



Tomorrow is the day of the Weirdness! I'm up for the questions. Hopefully y'all don't think they suck, lol. Come play with us tomorrow! ;)


Happy Tuesday!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Ramble rumble ramble

My boyfriend is on Central time. I am on Pacific time. My boyfriend works morning to evening. I work afternoon or evening to late night. That, with the fact that I'm two hours behind him now makes for us not talking much. I'm getting off any time between midnight and 2 am Pacific time which is 2 am to 4 am Central time. That is only a few hours before he's getting up to start his day. I'm getting off work hours after he's passed out in bed. He's waking up a couple hours after I'm finally passing out. By the time he's off work and can talk... I'm either already at work or getting there. So, we talk on my first ten minute smoke break and we talk on my lunch break for thirty five minutes. Those are the only two breaks I take. I only take a lunch break if I'm working an eight hour shift. No big deal there, as I rarely work short shifts. So, we're talking on my smoke break and my lunch break. He goes to sleep after the lunch break chat since that break happens anywhere between 8/9:30 pm, 10/11:30 pm his time. Fun times. =) There are of course my days off where we can obviously talk more. I'm working 6 nights a week so that's one night a week where we get to talk more than forty five minutes.

Do you know how fast a thirty five minute break soars by you when you're trying to soak up every minute as long as you can? It feels like ten minutes. The ten minute break feels like three minutes. It's crazy. I know, time goes by quickly when you're enjoying yourself but come on! I absolutely had no doubts in my mind that this temporary distance was going to be hard to deal with. I didn't try to make myself feel better about him staying in Texas and me being in California with any silly disillusions. I didn't lie or sugarcoat anything to myself. I knew it was going to suck but for several personal reasons, it's something I needed to do.

I miss him. I won't lie. I won't try to make myself seem like some calm, cool, collected chick and act like it's a little iffy but mostly all good. I'd by lying because I'm going a little crazy with missing him right now. I love and adore that silly boy. I gave him pieces of myself without even realizing that's what I was doing. That says worlds about him. That I care, love, adore and trust him that much, to let my guard down so much with him. It's not something I do easily or often.
I worry that our relationship isn't going to withstand this distance for the amount of time I need. I worry that it's going to ruin us. I wonder that we'll grow apart. That we'll become too independent without the other around and no longer feel much need for the other. I worry about a hundred other little things that could tear us apart to the point that I wouldn't want to be with him any longer or that he wouldn't want to be with me any longer. Oddly, I think a big concern for a lot of people in this situation would be worries of their significant other cheating. I haven't considered that once. I honestly believe that he wouldn't cheat on me and I don't even worry the slightest bit about it. I'm too busy worrying over a hundred other things that seem far more likely to happen.

Then I think about some of the things I've done that have seriously caused shit between us in the past. I think about things I've done that should have probably ended us but we worked through them. We've gotten through some hard issues together and made things work. Albeit, not always easily but we've gotten through. I've fucked up once horribly bad and we're still together. I'm not even sure I would have kept me after that instant but he did. No, I've never cheated on him so don't think that and asking is going to be useless. I'm taking it to my grave and he is the only other person ever going to know what happened. I hope anyway, lol. My point is, we've made it through some hard things already. I find a sort of comfort in that. We got through that crap, so this distance crap isn't much compared to some other stuff.

Aside from the fact that we've done long distance before and obviously made it through. It's just harder this time around because now we've been together longer and we're both used to having the other there every day or almost every day.

Throw in my emotional issues and the issues in my head and it's definitely a challenge. I just hope it's a challenge we kick ass succeeding in. I think we will make it okay. It will just be hard and we'll hit some speed bumps on the way and send each other reeling a time or two, lol.

ANYWAY.... :)

I think that does it for today. I'm too tired to write more even though I have a funny story I was wanting to share. Maybe tomorrow. ;)

OH!

Don't forget!


WW is coming up in a couple days. Don't forget to come play with us. ;) I'm up for the questions this week and I've already got them done up and ready to post. I *think* I have to work Tuesday night and it'll be late when I get in if I do work so I know I won't want to mess with it then. So they'll auto-post Tuesday night/Wednesday morning (depending on how you want to say it) at midnight Central time. Look at me go, thinking ahead for something! Lol.


Happy Monday Y'all! =)

Friday, August 8, 2008

So sleepy.

I am so damn tired. I love to work. My boyfriend thinks I work too much. I love work because I feel like I am productive. It also keeps my mind busy. I might get stressed and beyond annoyed with my idiotic co-workers but being at work, I feel sane. I'm doing something normal. I'm usually so busy making three drinks here, four drinks there, cleaning this, cleaning that, filling that container up and this and that. I don't have time to think about more than what I am physically doing at the time. Slow periods, it's time to get things clean and make sure I have everything I need. Wash dishes, stock things up, wipe this down, wipe that down. Get ready to go again during the next super busy period.

Then I have co-workers who don't annoy the shit out of me. There are only a small few I work with that I like but I don't often get close to co-workers. Between all the work, there is the casual banter between me and my co-workers. It keeps my crazy mind very occupied.

If I have a mood swing while I'm working, I focus everything on what I'm physically doing. Like Thursday night, I began feeling horribly sad a couple hours into my shift. I keep my mind focused by talking myself through the motions of what I'm doing in my head as I'm doing them. The last thing I want to do is start crying in front of a bunch of people I hardly know, lol. After about two hours, I felt better and could relax a little.

Also, staying busy helps the time go by faster. Not much sucks more than the hours at work dragging on forever. ;) I can't stand people who stand around and do nothing. It drives me crazy. I don't mind the ones who do it here and there for a breather. It's the ones who stand around flapping their jaws and doing as little as possible that I want to punch in the face. =D

Now... since I'm insanely tired and my mind refuses to think of much else... enjoy some random questions. Thank you Myspace, for all your random quizzes and surveys. =) Lol.


What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
Water or Dr Pepper.


Are you different now than you were six months ago?
Only in ways that I notice. I don't think anyone ever notices the tiny things I change.


When/where was the last photograph you took?
Sitting on my bed. =)


What do you think of guys that wear eyeliner?
Some guys, it looks damn good on. Most guys, not so much.


How many hours did you sleep last night? Why?
Only a few. I haven't been sleeping much lately. Which sucks because working a job where you're on your feet and moving at a quick pace most of your shift is tiring. Doing it on little to no sleep just makes it worse, lol.


Who was the last person to whom you spoke on the phone for over an hour?
My boyfriend. I miss that dork something bad.


Where did you last wear sunglasses?
Thursday on the drive to work.


What does your last text in your inbox say?
I am not checking that. It was either from my boyfriend or my friend Fangs. I can't remember which of them texted me last.


Is there anyone you trust who you shouldn’t?
No fucking way. I don't trust easily at all. It takes a long time for someone to earn trust from me.


Do you think you would make a good lawyer?
Actually, I do. I just don't have the desire to do that though I used to want to.


What are you wearing right now and why?
Super Mario boxers and an oversize black t-shirt... because that's what I sleep in when I'm unable to sleep in less.


Are you a forgiving person?
It depends on the situation and the person.


Do you currently want to scream at the top of your lungs?
No. Earlier at work I did though. Aye!


Do you think you can last for an hour without talking?
Yes. I do that often.


Is there anyone who doesn’t like you?
Plenty of people. I'm very blunt and speak my mind freely. That doesn't go over well with a lot of people.


Are you taller than your mom?
Yes, a couple inches taller.


Do you think you are a good person?
Not always. I try.


Ever had a near death experience?
Yes. I almost drowned in a lake. I've had a gun held to the back of my head while another was pointed at me from the side.
I've been ran over by a car. I almost drowned again but in the ocean that time.


When is the last time you cried really hard?
A few nights ago while on the phone with my boyfriend. I just started crying and then started crying really hard. Then I'd stop for a few minutes and then I'd be sobbing again. Stop. Sob. Stop. It sucked.


Is it hard leaving people behind?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on who you're leaving behind and why.


Have you ever seen someone you knew out in public and purposely avoided running in to them?
Yes. I don't like everyone I know. I also don't like some of the people who like me. Which is confusing in a way because I don't understand how those people still like me even though I don't like them. Especially the ones I'm not particularly nice to. Puzzling.


Do you know anyone with such a terribly annoying voice, that you can't even stand it?
That is horrible but yes, yes I do. I work with two girls with voices like that actually.


Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
I sometimes wish things hadn't gone so wrong with Cookerman. He was one of my best friends and at one point knew me better than most anyone. Sometimes, I wish things would have gone differently so we could still be friends but everything happens the way it does for a reason. I don't know if he changed because of her or if he was always meant to become the dick he is now, but mostly I'm glad we're not friends anymore as I can't stand the materialistic, self-centered asshole he has become.


Who was the last girl you talked to?
My sister or my mom. Aside from family, a girl from work that is really cool. =)


How do you handle/let go of stress?
Too many ways. Most of them aren't very good but I do them anyway. I should find a more positive, less damaging way to handle being stressed. Maybe one day.


Do you wish you never dated someone you dated?
No. I learned something from every person I ever went out with.


Would you date someone if they weren’t really your type, but had the perfect body?
No. I'd eventually get bored of looking at them. Plus, I have to have someone with a good sense of humor who can carry a conversation. I love to talk a lot of the time. I need someone who shares common interests and all that jazz.


Which TV show(s) have you seen pretty much every episode of?
HOUSE. I have not seen pretty much every episode but I have seen EVERY episode, at least twice.

Have A Great
Weekend Y'all!!!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

HNT: Lilies 2

My hair is naturally wavy and dries into a mess if I don't use a blowdryer on it. Even then, it's still wavy and wild. I used to take the time to straighten my hair into long, even lines. Only for my hair to hit the Texas humidity and then go to a mess again. I rarely waste the time straightening my hair any longer. It's a waste of time because it never stays. Even after I take the time to style my hair, it looks like I rolled out of bed and didn't bother fixing it up.

I have had people ask, when will I post a picture of me smiling? The truth is, I don't smile very often but I do smile a lot. I just don't do it for no reason. I feel fake putting on a smile for the camera. When you click, you'll see a sort of smile from me. These lilies, they make me smile. It's hard to catch on camera, my smile that is. It always looks goofy to me so I don't often smile for a picture. If I notice someone staring at me, I always flash a small grin so they know I'm not Satan's spawn preparing to eat their soul or anything foolish like that. I hate to look unapproachable because really, I'm sort of a nice person. ;) People just don't tend to see that because of the way I look and the way I act. I could change that I'm sure but I really don't want to because I'm okay being me.... some days.

The pictures this week aren't that great. I almost skipped playing this week. I decided about an hour ago to play, for what reason I'm not sure. I just snapped some using my camera phone and decided to put them up. So, they aren't the best but here we go.


Happy
Thursday!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

OMG YAY

I have the best boyfriend. Ever. No one can tell me differently either. I won't listen. What makes me say this? Remember the flowers he sent me about a week ago that inspired the first HNT Lilies post? Those rock. They're all finally open and smelling great. Tuesday, I got another little something in the mail from my guy. I was puzzled as to what it was as it came in a standard brown box. I checked the return address but got nothing out of that. I knew he was sending me something but I had no clue as to what it could be. I found out Tuesday and O M G y'all!



Ready?

.

. .

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


Still with me?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


Okay enough with the dots! Lol.

I give you..............................................

BAT BEAR!



Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Isn't he fucking adorable? Anyone who knows me and anyone who reads my blog enough KNOWS that I am obsessed with LOVE Batman! Love love love. I also dig stuffed animals but don't happen to advertise that little fact, lol. So when I opened the brown box and saw a box inside from Build-A-Bear Workshop, I was a little on the giddy side. When I opened it up to see a bear dressed up like my love Batman? Oh my gosh, I was just so surprised and happy. That is one of the best gifts I've ever gotten. I just love the cute little devil. Isn't my boyfriend awesome? It's okay if y'all don't think so. I still adore him.

*Happy Sigh* On to the weirdness. =)



1. When your relationships end, are you the instigator of the breakup or the recipient?

I've never been broken up with. Every relationship I've had, I've been the one to end things. Even the casual ones, I have always been the one to break things off.


2. Do you save things from your ex, or get rid of them? If you save them, how? If you trash them, how?

If it's gifts like CD's, DVD's, books or a television... well it would just be silly to trash those things. =D

Jewelry... I got a few bracelets and one necklace from ex-boyfriends and those ended up given back or thrown out in some way.

Pictures and clothing were usually burned or just thrown away. Clothing was usually just shirts that were used by me as sleep shirts that they didn't want back.

Letters, cards and other random things were also burned or just thrown away.


3. Describe your favorite ex?

I only have one ex that I like. We call him Civic. We dated and everything but we were better off as friends and didn't stay together long. We're still friends and talk once or twice every few months. It's funny because I think that my mom thinks he broke my heart and in all reality, I was the one who ended things with him and I was also the one who wasn't the nicest about ending things in the first place. This was such a long time ago though. =)


4. Do you consider a friend's ex off limits?

Usually, yes. I think in certain circumstances, it would be okay. If the friend is more of an acquaintance, sure. If it's a good or close friend, then their ex is off limits.


5. Have you ever had sex with an ex? Why?

Yes. I did with two ex's after we were broken up or after we had been broken up for a while. Why? Not because I wanted them back or because they wanted me back. It wasn't for any emotional reason. It was just sex. Plain and simple. I already knew them and knew I could trust them as opposed to going out and hooking up with a random stranger. It wasn't anything more than just having sex.


6. If you had a choice between spending the rest of your life with your worst ex-boyfriend, or your HS Nemesis, who would you choose?

I have no high school nemesis but for the sake of the question, I'm going to pretend I do. I imagine I would prefer by worst ex honestly. Mainly because I could make his life miserable and probably have fun doing it, if only for a little while. I imagine I would get tired of it after a while and grow bored with him. The nemesis thing would probably be too much of a headache to want to deal with. Plus, I don't actually hate my worst ex. I just don't like him. I don't harbor any real hate or anything for him. I could probably get along with him after I got done having fun being a pest for a while. I doubt if I had this nemesis that it would be so easy.


7. Would you ever create a YouTube video or a website celebrating your exes' flaws?

No. None of them are worth that much of my time or efforts.


Happy Wednesday Y'all! =)