Friday, August 1, 2008

I will be the death of you... =D

I was talking with a friend of mine, we'll call him Fangs, Thursday night and we got on the subject of love. He was telling me that his girlfriend of over six months told him about a week ago that she wants to be with another guy sexually but she wants to maintain her relationship with Fangs. He's bisexual but she doesn't want a threesome. She just wants to do this other guy on the side. Fangs isn't the type to do an open relationship like that. He believes no matter what the gender of the person he's in a relationship with, it needs to be monogamous. She doesn't want a relationship with this other guy, she just wants to fuck him for a while and then be done with it. Fangs isn't okay with that. It doesn't make him a prude in my eyes. His girlfriend however says he's being a prude and unfair to her. She's been pushing it, asking him at least twice a day every day since she talked to him about it why he won't be fine with it. Along with other things she's said. I asked him if she realized it was unfair of her to push this and be rude (read: a bitch) about it when he's clearly told her that he isn't okay with it and doesn't want it happening. He said he told her something similar but that she still reasoned he was the one being unfair. That he was repressing her sexuality and only saying no to be mean. That she would allow him to fuck someone else if he wanted to. He asked me if I thought she would be likely to cheat on him if he didn't cave in. I asked him if he would be bitter and angry about it if he did give in and tell her to go for it. He said he probably would. I told him I didn't know if she would cheat or not. Only she could answer that. He stopped talking with me after about another hour of talking and went to talk with her about some other things.

I'm not against having an open relationship, threesomes or things like that. To each their own you know? I'd be a bit of a hypocrite to bash such things based on my own personal history and what not. ;) Lol. I think if it's not something your partner is okay with, it's not cool to push them on it. That's something you should talk about and figure out if you're going to be compatible over or not. Relationships are complicated and hard enough work as it is.

An hour later, he texted me to ask if I was busy and if I could get online to talk. Basically, she's going to do it anyway. According to her. She doesn't see why it's a big deal. It's just sex. She isn't emotionally cheating on him. She doesn't have feelings for this other guy. Just lust and the want to screw him senseless "five or ten times" and then be done. If she's going to do it anyway and he's going to be hurt by it, I asked if he would stay with her or not. He said he wasn't sure. He cares about her a lot and said he felt like he was really falling for her but if this was going to be something that happened with her, he might as well end it now and save himself from future grief, arguments and heartache.

I agreed with him ending it. If he's not going to be able to handle it, he should end it now before he develops deeper feelings for her. He'll only end up more hurt in the end. If she's going to do it anyway, in my opinion, it's disregarding his feelings which is pretty rude, uncaring and pretty damn selfish of her. It's not something he is ever going to be okay with and that's fine. It's nice to see that some people still believe in being loyal to one person, that some people still believe in having a monogamous relationship.

I don't know many couples who are monogamous anymore. Real life and in the blogger world, I know more couples who have some form of an open relationship or more where one or both parties are cheating on the other as opposed to couples who are committed, loyal and monogamous.

Anyway.... I start the job tonight. I work 5 pm to 2 am all weekend. Unless the schedule changes but hopefully it doesn't. I'm damn broke and need to start making money again. I might even meet some cool people out here to hang out with. Not that anyone will replace any of my awesome friends but, it wouldn't hurt to have a person or two to chill with while I'm living out here.

I started reading "Blood Noir" by Laurell K. Hamilton last night. I've had it over a month, had it since it came out actually but I've been a *little* bit too busy to get to it until now. I'm having a bit of an issue getting in to the beginning of the book. It's not bad, it's good, very good. There is the problem. That's probably a little confusing but I'd prefer to not expound upon that further. ;)

I need to find somewhere to jog. The roads around here are too congested and also lacking in a sidewalk. I'm not jogging in dirt and grass and hurdling fences, sorry, lol. I found a place that's five minutes from my new job though. A fitness center. It's $99 for a three month trial. I'm thinking about checking that place out. I'd have to go during the day, probably before work though and I'm not sure I want to do that. A good work out followed by an 8 to 10 hour shift where I will be on my feet almost constantly? Meh. We'll see. There are two other places I want to look in to. One is a little more expensive but they're open 24 hours a day which would work better given that I'll be working until midnight and later. I'd prefer to get off work and then work out. It's a twenty minute drive to work so I don't want to drive to work out early in the day, go home, drive back for work and then drive home. *Sigh* I'll get something figured out. =D First, I need the money before I can join anywhere, lol. I doubt my charm will be sufficient for payment.

I want to try archery. I have no idea why. It's just something I always thought would be cool to try at least once. I don't see where it would be particularly useful as I don't hunt and would get in trouble for shooting random, obnoxious asshole with the arrows just because they were annoying or pissing me off. So, I don't have much use for learning to do it other than I want to. It might be fun and also might be relaxing. If not, oh well.

By the way, is hockey season back yet?..... No? Fuck. =( Lol.

Have a great weekend y'all!!!


Another Suburban Mom said...

Good for your friend for getting out,and boo on her for pushing something he was not happy with.

I don't know if pure monogamy exists any more. A few months ago I would have given an enthusiastic yes, but I now know better.

Weekends Off said...

1st- I'm glad he's going to move on. She has no respect for his feelings at all. Fang deserves better. He sounds like a sweet guy. Is he?

Good luck on the new job!!!

OH, and I tried archery. Be careful! I didn't hold the bow correctly while I was doing my pre-draw and the bowstring slipped from my fingers and scraped the skin off my arm. I finally got the hang of it, but I STILL use a guard on my arm LOL.

Thank you for my bloggy award! I feel special :0)


KBear said...

I'm on Narcissus in Chains. I started the whole Anita Blake Series with Guilty pleasures in June when you sent me the list, and I'm on Narcissus in Chains. I'm about.. almost half way. I read way too much. I'm going today to buy the next three:) then I'll reread Harlequin, and then Blood Noir.

I'd say she obviously does NOT have feelings for him if she's gonna do it anyways. She's selfish, and well, disrespectful. Your friend seems like a really nice person and really should have someone who respects him.

He's done nothing wrong. He's not Holding Her Back. What the fuck is she smoking to think that that is a good argument? stupid crackhead. It's her whose holding HIM back from finding a sweet girl who has eyes for only him, and is willing to be with only him.

I've been with one person for SEVEN years. And I plan on being with him for the rest of my life. I would never cheat, no matter how much I have wanted to once or twice. I just take myself out of the situation.

She's being a cunt. (sorry, I'm Irish)

Dial-Up Princess said...

have a good weekend...:)

Dial-Up Princess said...

oh yea...and i think its best he did end it. the girlfriend seemed more interested in getting a new play thing than respecting the relationship.

I Smile 2 Much said...

Its true. Ending it sooner than later, especially when he's made his requests but she insists on doing otherwise. It's not fair or respectful to him & not worth any future hurt.

I've seen & been in monogamy. Like you said, I think its rare. And UP until a couple yrs ago, its *all* I knew. Never in a zillion yrs did I ever think I'd be in places I have. (sigh)

Hope work goes well tonight.

LOL about random asshole shooting. ; ) You make me smile ; )

Luv ya girl ; )

Musns said...

I was monogamous during my marriage - 10 years, 13 years together actually. It's out there.

If a couple choose to be 'open' or swing, but are still committed to each other; that's great.

It's the dishonesty that I hate. The "we're poly" yet one of them is fucking behind the other's back - not poly, definately not honest.

Be honest - and for Fangs, hopefully he'll end it. If she has that little respect for him and his wishes, he needs to find someone else. Cause that's BS.

Landon said...

That sucks about your friend, but breaking it off with her should be considered a victory in itself... Sounds to me like she might have already cheated while she was asking him for permission. Looking for relief of her guilty conscience... I've been in situations like that (as the other guy) and believe me, its not good for anyone if they aren't OK with open relationships in the first place. I've been an open relationship too (for a very short time). Not for everybody I guess. So good for him kicking her to the proverbial curb.

And be careful with the archery... or at least don't be as dumb as me... I thought I was Robin Hood the first time I picked up a bow, now I have a life-long scar on the top of my left foot lol

Rogue said...

Whether its just couples exploring options, swinging, or polyamory (not all of which being the same), these structures only work when all parties involved are respecting one another's feelings, desires, and boundaries. When any one partner is bullying the other into something the other really, truly does not want, then the relationship itself is going to get shaken.

Too many people misinterpret 'commited non-monogamy' as being an excuse for doing whatever the hell we want. Actions still have consequences, and the responsible playmate is the one who understands that and willing to accept them. No one wins when someone is getting deliberately ignored and hurt.

ZigZagMan said...

I agree that he needs to move the hell on.....He's told her, this hurts me and I don't like it....she's told him..tuff shit.....this will repeat itself...

Past that...Hugs lass...:)

Temper O'Rage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Temper O'Rage said...

Heh. It was an attitude like that which caused my marriage of almost 17 years to end. Same situation (save for we were married): She wanted "friends with benefits" or whatever the f*ck she was calling them; I wasn't into that. She did it anyway, I got out.

The true cherry on the sundae here is that after my marriage ended, I received Rage as a prize instead. So, as much as it hurt at the time, I am better off now!

The Bizza said...

Obviously, you gave your friend sound advice.

Before Bookie, I've run the gamut on relationships. I've cheated, been cheated on, and I've been the dude on the side. Regardless of the situation, all sides of that triangle ultimately left me unable to look at my own reflection for weeks, even months.

It's a fact that monogamy isn't for everybody. Personally, I'm not a fan of it either (new pussy is always awesome, fuck what ya heard!), but I do it out of love and respect for Bookie and in the best interest of our union.

But it's not for everyone, and I can respect that.

What I cannot respect is disrespect/total disregard for an alleged loved-one, which manifests itself in cheating and/or coercing someone into an open relationship.

In a sense, my ex/girlfriend coerced me into reverting from boyfriend to fuck-buddy so she could fuck others, but in my weak-mindedness, I endured the injustice just to be near her longer.

I'm glad your friend seems to be made of sterner stuff than I was.